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Unprepared for Parenting (Ezzos, Pearls, Etc.) *Public* Support and information for those affected by the Ezzos, the Pearls, and other punitive and adversarial methods of child-rearing. A public forum. Before posting here, please read this sticky and keep guideline 23 in mind:
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05-26-2012, 02:33 PM | #16 |
Rose Garden
Some Cal/Mag will probably fix that.
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: catching up on the laundry
Posts: 41,294
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Re: Light bulb moment
I actually explained apologies and making ammends to my 65yo mother, recently.
It was like she had been hit by a bludger out of the blue. She had never ever apologized for anything or had anyone in her family apologize to her. She didn't teach apologies. She taught "you get in trouble, then admit what you did wrong and then you must act as ashamed as possible, feel as ashamed as possible and don't do it again." When I apologized to her, for hurting her feelings, she didn't even know what to say....she said, "What are you doing? What is this?" and I had to say, "This is what healthy people do when they accidentally or even intentionally hurt one another. They apologize for hurting the person, and they try to make ammends where they can." I've never seen her so confuzzled.
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allisonintx Wife to Stephen Mother to Elizabeth 19, Andrew 17, Abigail 14 & Evelyn 12 Love. You can learn all the math in the 'verse, but you take a boat in the air that you don't love, she'll shake you off just as sure as the turn of the world. Love keeps her in the air when she ought to fall down. Tells you she's hurting before she keens. Makes her a home. . . . . . . . |
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05-26-2012, 04:00 PM | #17 | |
Deactivated
It is good to be Queen!
Join Date: Aug 2005
Location: Nothin' could be finer...
Posts: 8,231
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Re: Light bulb moment
Quote:
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05-28-2012, 01:39 AM | #18 |
Rose Trellis
Go Team Lioness!
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: This side of the black stump
Posts: 2,428
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Re: Light bulb moment
I am learning about making amends here on GCM <3
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Our blossoms: DS "Little Bear" Apr '07 - The negotiator
DD "Miss Muffett" Nov '08 "Don't tell Daddy..." DS "Mouse" Jan '12 "I Soup Baby, Man of steel! " Myth Busting over at Dare to Disciple "Believe in yourself. Trust your instincts. Unless your instincts are terrible." Vitruvius, The LEGO Movie. |
05-28-2012, 07:32 AM | #19 |
Rose Bouquet
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Chicago, IL (suburbs)
Posts: 625
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Re: Light bulb moment
There were a lot of forced apologies in my house growing up. And a lot of both kids standing in the kitchen staring at the spatula in Mom's hand as she demanded to know who had hidden the banana under the guest bed two weeks ago that she just now found with her hand. Like any kid in their right mind is gonna confess with the instrument of pain being waved under their nose. We both stood there for fifteen-twenty minutes denying it, blaming the other one, or just silent, and eventually she'd decide which was the guilty one (99% of the time she figured it was me) and I'd get paddled, she said for lying about it, but it was a forgone conclusion from the beginning.
"If you just tell the truth, you won't be in trouble" has got to be one of the biggest lies she ever told, and she told it a lot. Real making amends wasn't taught, I think because neither of my parents knew how. My dad was a "give her something expensive & flashy & she'll forgive you" type, my mom just let it drop when she figured you'd been punished enough. Over the last decade or so I've worked out on my own that "I'm sorry" isn't usually enough, and presents don't usually work either, you have to actually make the wrong thing right somehow.
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Three babes under 6, and most of what I know about kids comes from books and babysitting. So if I say something painfully naive, feel free to smile and shake your head as you laugh quietly to yourself. ISFP. I-84, S-60, F-51, P-53 Laura John, 2006 JJ - , '11 Ana - , '14 Geordi - , '17 Last edited by MaryPoppinsIAin't; 05-28-2012 at 07:36 AM. Reason: clarify a point |
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06-01-2012, 10:04 AM | #20 |
Deactivated
Jumping off the hot tin roof.
Join Date: May 2011
Location: We are all of us made of stars.
Posts: 2,106
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Re: Light bulb moment
What a great way to say it!
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06-02-2012, 04:45 PM | #21 | |
Climbing Rose
Join Date: Jul 2007
Posts: 1,489
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Re: Light bulb moment
Quote:
---------- Post added at 11:45 PM ---------- Previous post was at 11:43 PM ---------- This !! Last edited by Rose5000; 06-02-2012 at 04:50 PM. |
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06-23-2012, 08:14 PM | #22 |
Rose Blossom
Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: sunshine state
Posts: 227
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Re: Light bulb moment
My dad did not begin spanking until after he became a Christian, that was when I was 7. the spankings my sister and I got and we would compare bruises to this day I have no recollection of why I was spanked...I just remember thinking how could my dad hurt me so much and leave these bruises? I also remember losing count of the swats. I also remember thinking "when is my mom going to come rescue me" and "why isn't mom stopping this hurt?" dad used a homemade paddle that I kept for years and when I completely decided to quit spanking in 2006 I threw it away. When he swung that paddle he put his whole arm in it.
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