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Old 07-25-2019, 11:34 AM   #16
MrsHutch
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Default Re: The ADHD stay at home mom

Yes. Y'all. I relate to all of this. I don't manage it super well.
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Old 07-25-2019, 12:32 PM   #17
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Default Re: The ADHD stay at home mom

Quote:
Originally Posted by MrsHutch View Post
Yes. Y'all. I relate to all of this. I don't manage it super well.
I know that often I don't feel like I am managing it well. And when I am not spireling in to just beating my self up I can see that I am managing it, the important things are getting done, the house is clean enough, people have clothes. People on the outside think thing are going along fine. Which considering how much harder to have to work to keep everything moving is managing it well. Most the time I feel like I am 20 min away from everything complely falling apart.


One of my battles right now if that I now know how much I am helped by not having a cluttered environment. Now on all the minimalist blogs and what not they seem to think that once you know that you can just magicly put everything away. It is a daily struggle for me because even though I know it helps me immensely I still will randomly set stuff down and not see it. I try to have multiple set points in my day where I make a point to look and see if there are random things out, are the cubard and closet doors closed, EXC?


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Old 07-25-2019, 02:17 PM   #18
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Default Re: The ADHD stay at home mom

I'm working on the minimalism thing now. I'm getting ready for a Yard sale next week.
I'm going to be immediately taking anything that didn't sell to Goodwill once the sale is over.
After that anything I find after that I'll decide whether it is worth selling on FB marketplace or donate.
Then I'll earn a small latte every week I take 2 Walmart bags worth of donation items to goodwill or sell on FB marketplace until I'm able to stay on top of things.
That is my plan for getting rid of the clutter.

I have a bunch of sewing supplies like ribbons and facric scraps I might see if I can donate to an after school program for craft supplies. I have more sewing supplies then I have space for. And I'm going to limit myself to the fabric and extras for 2-5 projects in the house at a time depending on their size. Sewing is theraputic for me, j need it, but I don't have space, so that has been hard.

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"Reflections like these lead one to spare the rod ... purely because it is not easy to find a punishment that does not defeat it's own ends." -Charlotte Mason Parents and Children pg. 171

"If punishment were necessarily reformative, and able to cure us all of those 'sins we have a mind to,' why, the world would be a very good world;" -Charlotte Mason, Parents and Children pg. 172

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Old 07-25-2019, 07:22 PM   #19
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Default Re: The ADHD stay at home mom

Sigh...just lost my post, but I'll be back to elaborate. Wanted to recommend this book in particular.
https://www.amazon.com/House-That-Cl...s%2C245&sr=8-1
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Old 07-25-2019, 09:49 PM   #20
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Default Re: The ADHD stay at home mom

Quote:
Originally Posted by knitlove View Post
I know that often I don't feel like I am managing it well. And when I am not spireling in to just beating my self up I can see that I am managing it, the important things are getting done, the house is clean enough, people have clothes. People on the outside think thing are going along fine. Which considering how much harder to have to work to keep everything moving is managing it well. Most the time I feel like I am 20 min away from everything complely falling apart.
Thanks, that's encouraging and true.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Quiteria View Post
Sigh...just lost my post, but I'll be back to elaborate. Wanted to recommend this book in particular.
https://www.amazon.com/House-That-Cl...s%2C245&sr=8-1
YES! I read this book years ago after finding it recommended here, and it was SERIOUSLY helpful!
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Old 07-25-2019, 09:55 PM   #21
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Default Re: The ADHD stay at home mom

Quote:
Originally Posted by Quiteria View Post
Sigh...just lost my post, but I'll be back to elaborate. Wanted to recommend this book in particular.
https://www.amazon.com/House-That-Cl...s%2C245&sr=8-1
Yes I love that book. I need to buy another copy I lent mine out and neaver got it back.

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Old 07-26-2019, 06:10 PM   #22
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Default Re: The ADHD stay at home mom

Quote:
Originally Posted by Quiteria View Post
Sigh...just lost my post, but I'll be back to elaborate. Wanted to recommend this book in particular.
https://www.amazon.com/House-That-Cl...s%2C245&sr=8-1
I'll have to look for that. It sounds facinating. Thank you.
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"Reflections like these lead one to spare the rod ... purely because it is not easy to find a punishment that does not defeat it's own ends." -Charlotte Mason Parents and Children pg. 171

"If punishment were necessarily reformative, and able to cure us all of those 'sins we have a mind to,' why, the world would be a very good world;" -Charlotte Mason, Parents and Children pg. 172

W&C 8/4/06; G 11yo , M 8yo , S 8/29/13 , V 4yo , Baby 3/20
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Old 07-26-2019, 06:56 PM   #23
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Default Re: The ADHD stay at home mom

I'm an absolute mess these days. I was diagnosed with ADHD years ago and am just starting the process to get tested again to start meds.
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Old 07-27-2019, 01:32 AM   #24
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Default Re: The ADHD stay at home mom

The gist I meant to explain:

The biggest difference between that and other books, my favorite part, is that the emphasis is on figuring out WHY things are overwhelming or prone to mess or procrastination, and then trying to problem-solve ways to make those things easier, less work, less overwhelming...instead of the usual self-help book that tells you to put more effort and leaves you feeling guilty and defeated when you can't live up to it. Instead of beating yourself up for being deficient and trying harder to make an inconvenient action into habit that is ultimately unsustainable, you look for ways to make the circumstances fit the real people who live in your home.

For example, if people leave socks on the living room floor where they sit down to relax, instead of yelling at everyone to put them in the hamper in the other room, you problem-solve...give them a little basket that's actually in reach, or give them seating near the door (with a coat rack, shoe rack, and sock basket)...find a way to corral the stuff in a way that doesn't require a tired person to stand up and walk to another room after they've just made themselves comfortable. If it's easy enough, you'll have better success than trying to train them to do things the hard way.
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Last edited by Quiteria; 07-27-2019 at 01:46 AM.
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Old 07-27-2019, 02:44 AM   #25
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Default Re: The ADHD stay at home mom

Quote:
Originally Posted by Quiteria View Post
The gist I meant to explain:

The biggest difference between that and other books, my favorite part, is that the emphasis is on figuring out WHY things are overwhelming or prone to mess or procrastination, and then trying to problem-solve ways to make those things easier, less work, less overwhelming...instead of the usual self-help book that tells you to put more effort and leaves you feeling guilty and defeated when you can't live up to it. Instead of beating yourself up for being deficient and trying harder to make an inconvenient action into habit that is ultimately unsustainable, you look for ways to make the circumstances fit the real people who live in your home.

For example, if people leave socks on the living room floor where they sit down to relax, instead of yelling at everyone to put them in the hamper in the other room, you problem-solve...give them a little basket that's actually in reach, or give them seating near the door (with a coat rack, shoe rack, and sock basket)...find a way to corral the stuff in a way that doesn't require a tired person to stand up and walk to another room after they've just made themselves comfortable. If it's easy enough, you'll have better success than trying to train them to do things the hard way.
That sounds amazing!

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"Reflections like these lead one to spare the rod ... purely because it is not easy to find a punishment that does not defeat it's own ends." -Charlotte Mason Parents and Children pg. 171

"If punishment were necessarily reformative, and able to cure us all of those 'sins we have a mind to,' why, the world would be a very good world;" -Charlotte Mason, Parents and Children pg. 172

W&C 8/4/06; G 11yo , M 8yo , S 8/29/13 , V 4yo , Baby 3/20
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Old 07-27-2019, 06:12 AM   #26
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Default Re: The ADHD stay at home mom

Yes! It's super practical advice about how to make it easier to keep your house clean... and who doesn't need that?
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"Exercise gives you endorphins. Endorphins make you happy. Happy people don't shoot their husbands, they just don't." -Legally Blonde
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Old 07-27-2019, 09:53 AM   #27
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Default Re: The ADHD stay at home mom

Yes and it is all about how to make your house work for *you* which some how I hadn't ever gotten before.

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Old 07-27-2019, 02:16 PM   #28
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Default Re: The ADHD stay at home mom

Another thing that has helped me is having a designated place to start.

An easy chore, like laundry often starts with the same load or two that's easy to grab, then while it's washing, I work on sorting the rest. (Some people stop sorting entirely as another solution, but I grew up with dyes that bleed color everywhere, so it's harder for me to start an unsorted load.)

Cleaning a whole room in miscellaneous ways often starts by focusing on the area closest to the door, and work my way around the room. Unless there's an obvious task crying out to be done first. But if it's a big undefined chaotic area requiring executive function to decide what to tackle first, I often decide spatially...start left to right, top to bottom, near to far, from the doorway in, etc. Basically, bypass the decision making to force yourself out of the inertia...deal with whatever comes to hand first. (And make a mental note as you go about the things that you really want to resist...problem-solve at some point about why, and how to simplify/resolve...but first just make yourself clean it this time.).
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Old 07-27-2019, 02:37 PM   #29
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Default Re: The ADHD stay at home mom

Quote:
Originally Posted by Quiteria View Post
Another thing that has helped me is having a designated place to start.

An easy chore, like laundry often starts with the same load or two that's easy to grab, then while it's washing, I work on sorting the rest. (Some people stop sorting entirely as another solution, but I grew up with dyes that bleed color everywhere, so it's harder for me to start an unsorted load.)

Cleaning a whole room in miscellaneous ways often starts by focusing on the area closest to the door, and work my way around the room. Unless there's an obvious task crying out to be done first. But if it's a big undefined chaotic area requiring executive function to decide what to tackle first, I often decide spatially...start left to right, top to bottom, near to far, from the doorway in, etc. Basically, bypass the decision making to force yourself out of the inertia...deal with whatever comes to hand first. (And make a mental note as you go about the things that you really want to resist...problem-solve at some point about why, and how to simplify/resolve...but first just make yourself clean it this time.).
The a slob comes clean talked about starting with the easy when she is overwhelmed by mess. Start with the trash and then with the things that have a clear spot that belong.

She also talked about her putting things away question is where would I look for this. It is very much along the lines of the house that cleans its self. Where would she look for it, not where *should* it go, or where would he best. If she can't answe the where would I look for this her next question is would I even k ow that I had this to go look for it,and if the answer is no she suggests just getting rid of it.

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Old 07-27-2019, 07:25 PM   #30
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Default Re: The ADHD stay at home mom

Another thing I embraced is FlyLady's idea that doing a mediocre job frequently adds up to more than all-or-nothing infrequently. She gives the example of taking a quick swish or swipe at your toilet and countertops daily, rather than sterilizing them once in a blue moon when they get gross...even if that swipe is half-hearted and imperfect, it will be cleaner overall than waiting for you to scour every inch perfectly.

That concept in turn helped me embrace the truth that although I can sit and clean one spot all the way thoroughly in the right hyperfocus mood, I often need more movement and variety. I often clean more total if I flit around doing a little of this and that, sort of like "If You Give a Mouse a Cookie," as long as I make sure my movements are helping in some way, finished enough to not make worse. Like if I decide to clean a bedroom, and find a cup, a school paper, and a sock...it's okay for me to carry those to the appropriate places and even wash a couple dishes before coming back, as long as I drop the school paper off at the bookcase, not the kitchen counter. Little things like trying to pick up one more item on the way, seeing if anything needs carried up or downstairs while en route, clean one more thing while nearby...it adds up. If I am feeling restless and end up with half a load of dishes, half a load of laundry, and half the recycling, etc....that's still a total of 1.5 loads I wouldn't have in the right place if I hadn't tried. Yes, at some point each task needs to be finished...if we need the dishes asap, than those need some focus, and then I can flit about while the dishwasher is running...but when there's some leeway, and the focus isn't there, or the time isn't there to see something to conclusion, every little bit adds up better than inertia. If I fold 1/3 of a clean laundry load and put it away, so that it can't get spilled and undone, that's better than not starting folding. So, esp. with a toddler around, sometimes I would fold a handful, go deliver it, fold some more, go deliver it, etc. Though with big enough kids, I often call them to get their stuff now.

Anyhow, I hope that makes sense. I get more done in total when I embrace that I'm chipping away in my own manner, rather than berating myself for not working in a linear fashion. If I feel myself slowing down because I've been sitting in one place too long, it's OKAY to switch tasks. I'm more likely to cycle back to it quickly if I'm not wallowing in guilt over it. Urgent things get done urgently, non-urgent things get done in pieces, with enough variety to keep them happening more briskly than otherwise.
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And yes, they've all aged overnight since the last time you read my out-of-date sigg.

Last edited by Quiteria; 07-27-2019 at 07:33 PM.
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