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Unprepared for Parenting (Ezzos, Pearls, Etc.) *Public* Support and information for those affected by the Ezzos, the Pearls, and other punitive and adversarial methods of child-rearing. A public forum. Before posting here, please read this sticky and keep guideline 23 in mind:
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11-11-2010, 07:16 AM | #1 | ||
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I knew u were trouble when u walked in . . . Tribble, Tribble, Tribble
Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: Downriver Detroit
Posts: 7,201
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How to respond w/o debate [LONG]
I hate, hate, hate, hate it when one person starts up debate on someone else's FB status, so I am really trying not to do that. But the daughter of a church friend posted on FB yesterday about her 3yo, time-outs not being effective, and how on earth to manage a 3yo while pregnant. [original quote edited to comply with TOS]
I responded with way-too-long answer: Quote:
Quote:
Anyway, I piped up a couple of more times, being very careful not to insult or judge any of the other advice out there. I reinforced that this is a natural stage, you can't punish them out of it -- in fact, all 4 of mine went thru it and the ones who were spanked didn't get thru it any easier or faster than the ones who were not. I did pm her that I wasn't going to debate her friends on her wall, but that I am VERY passionate about finding gentle discipline and that I wish someone had told me before it got adversarial between me & my oldest 2. So, after that, someone posted this: http://www.amazon.com/Dont-Make-Coun.../dp/0972304649 HOW do I tell her this is so so so horrible? I'm so afraid she'll click that & see all the Tripp stuff and hop right on board. When I was trying to get out of GKGW mindset, I actually thought Tripp sounded GOOD!!! How can I warn her away from this w/o sounding like a crazy person? Oh, almost forgot to say -- My comments were the only ones she 'liked' so maybe something there is making her think. Last edited by jewelmcjem; 11-11-2010 at 07:52 AM. |
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11-11-2010, 07:24 AM | #2 |
Rose Garden
Hangin' on for dear life!
Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: WV, I'm a mountain momma
Posts: 25,579
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Re: How to respond w/o debate [LONG]
I wouldn't, honestly. I would give her links that lead her in the direction you feel is best and then let it go. She is an adult and although I know you feel she is vulnerable, you are arming her with counter info that won't turn her off from looking at the info you gave her. I would be concerned that attacking something one of her friends is linking her to, would turn her off from listening to you at all. If I said anything at all, I would just note..."I have a lot of concerns with anything that promotes _______ and _________ is why." in a private email.
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RiAnnon infj Single Momma to LegoCraft May 2005 |
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11-11-2010, 07:25 AM | #3 |
Rose Garden
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: In my sparkly place
Posts: 15,140
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Re: How to respond w/o debate [LONG]
You can always take your responses to PM.
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Karen 4 Wielder of the Sparkly Pencil of Sneak-Attack Silliness. Flowery Sunshine Power Woman
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11-11-2010, 07:26 AM | #4 |
Rose Garden
Rock on!!!
Join Date: Jul 2007
Posts: 18,102
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Re: How to respond w/o debate [LONG]
I might take it private at that point. Send her a private message saying, "hey I saw these recommendations on your thread. I didn't really want to start an argument with your friends or anything but I saw them recommend this book and I've found that style of parenting is very adversarial towards the child...I'd love to talk with you more about what I'm finding works with my kids if you're interested, or to give you some of the resources I've found the most helpful. Love, Jema"
(or something like that )
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~Heather~
ENFP married to my ENJF hubby gently mothering: ds15yo- the performer, ds14yo- the gamer, ds 12yo- the adventurer, and dd 10yo-the dynamo Missing my little Malachi David and Hannah Danielle, in Jesus' arms Check out my blog "Today you are You, that is truer than true. There is no one alive who is Youer than You." *Dr Seuss* |
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11-11-2010, 07:29 AM | #5 |
Rose Garden
a little Attachment Parenting will fix that
Join Date: Jul 2010
Posts: 3,981
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Re: How to respond w/o debate [LONG]
it sounds like you put some good resources out there for her to consider.
hopefully she sees that what shes currently doing with him isnt working..so why not try something else? mabey you can suggest that, then leave it.
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Gently mothering 5 babes one day at a time, only by the help of my Lord - ages 11,6,5, 4, & 2 Nonviolence is not sterile passivity, but a powerful moral force which makes for social transformation.ISFP |
11-11-2010, 10:20 AM | #6 |
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I love my life.
Join Date: Oct 2010
Location: Tater country...mmm...taters...
Posts: 3,255
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Re: How to respond w/o debate [LONG]
Good advice so far. I've had to be careful not to get snarky on FB...after all, my friends have friends I don't know LOL.
I would be careful to be kind on the comments. Links are great. After that point...pm's are probably best. Or at least a pm asking permission to continue with said discussion.... |
11-11-2010, 10:55 AM | #7 |
Guest
Posts: n/a
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Re: How to respond w/o debate [LONG]
I would post back to the wall and say "Uhhhh, I thought everyone's ears had holes in them, I'm sure he can hear just fine"
Ok maybe not. That is crazy though. ETA-I think your response was wonderful! |
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