Somethings' bothering me

[LilySue]

Originally Posted by ArmsOfLove

. Second, I am finding through private conversation with many moms that they end up here and with GBD because nothing else "works" when children have special needs. There are methods of conditioning them but they don't *get* that what they're doing it wrong so they don't *get* why you're even upset. Punishing them is really just cruel So when parents have these special children they end up searching for answers and when they find GBD they find that it doesn't matter why a child is doing something, you respond to it! Our specialist highly recommends PD for all of his patients' homes

I just wanted to quickly add to the original poster, this is one of the main reasons why you'll find a lot of parents with children on the autistic spectrum on these boards, nothing else works for us. I have a child with high functioning autism and I spent ages watching programmes or looking at books that would help me with disciplining him...it was frustrating for me to watch say a mainstream programme like Dr Phil and see the tag on at the end of the programme, this will work unless your child has a problem like ADHD or autism. One of the beauties of GBD is that it works for all children

I really like your straight-forward responses in this thread, Danielle, and your honesty has helped keep this conversation moving in a productive direction - IMO, anyway.

Thank you! I always liked Makeesha, too; she's a champ at firm boundaries.

I did want to mention two realizations that have helped me--one is recognizing that while certain behavior may not be acceptable, that doesn't mean that I can force it to stop. I here you saying 'having a fit is not acceptable', which is ok if you mean 'it's not something that I want to see him doing at 10' but if you mean 'therefore I have to make it stop now', you're likely setting yourself up for frustration. I find that if I can remind myself to relax in the middle of a fit by ds, take a deep breath and remember, 'I can try to help him stop (while still respecting the boundary--I'm not going to revoke the limit just to make him stop crying), but I cannot make him stop', this helps me keep what I'm doing in perspective.

A lot of wisdom, there, for someone on their first child. You'de think I'd get that by now, seeing that my 9 and 6 yold kids are turning out pretty well.

I tend towards sarcasm
I do to

Really??? Nawwwww....

[Bonnie]

Thank you for this thread. I needed the reinforcement.

A quick note on velcro babies. The best way I've seen it put is that if you meet a need, it goes away. If you fight it, defer it, try to beat it out of a child or condition it out, it'll come back later to bite you in the tush. (Taking serious liberties with the original quote, but a thank you to Dr. Sears) I've gotten to where I can laugh if someone says I'm coddling my 23mo dd by not peeling her off and forcing her into the nursery before she's ready, because usually the same person has just finished commenting on how wonderfully social and outgoing my almost 4yo ds is. If they know they can have me whenever they need me, they don't need to test me all the time. The insecurity I see in some of the kids, usually ones who were dropped off screaming as infants, the "coping mode" as noted in a pp...it's nothing like the security I see in children who know they have a choice. Is it hard to handle sometimes (a lot)? Oh, yeah. Especially at night. I'm so touched out I could scream. But I remind myself of my ds and how he goes to bed now with almost no argument, probably six nights out of seven, and stays in his own bed probably six nights out of seven, until morning, and I know that by meeting my dd's nighttime need for closeness I'm NOT necessarily setting myself up for cosleeping into the college years or CIO in desperation. Is it behavior I don't always enjoy? Yes. Is it something I'd consider totally unacceptable in a much older child? Certainly. Does that mean I must nip in in the bud NOW or suffer untold consequences? NO, because it's age appropriate. (Do lots of people disagree with me and counsel doom because we cosleep? Of course. Is that my problem? Only if I make it so. )