has anyone NOT heard punitive methods from church?

[milkmommy]

Just courious has anybody not heard people like Ezzo Trip pearls being promoted from there church? or not heard sermons on spankings ect. I never have I never knew it was done till I came here just wondered how many deal with this.
Deanna

[ArmsOfLove]

I don't

[milkmommy]

Originally Posted by ArmsOfLove

I don't

thats good
Deanna

[erinee]

I have never in my life heard a sermon that actively promotes spanking. Occasionally I've heard a pastor tell a story where he gave his kids a spanking, but it wasn't instructing how to spank or saying in any way that parents *should* spank.

I think most people in my church probably spank, but it is more along the lines of Dobson -- a swat on the behind saved for direct defiance. I don't like it, but it doesn't make me the way some of it does. Dobson is mostly what we have in our church library (we have Tripp's book now, but in the year that we've had it, not a single person has checked it out -- and we also have Grace-Based Parenting).

The only place I have ever heard of the Pearls is online. Since then, I've noticed his book around, but only at homeschooling conventions or listed as a reference in homeschooling materials. My church did to GKGW waaaaaaaaaaay back when Zach was born, but I didn't take it, and they only did it the one time. Since then, no one has said a word about Ezzo, so I wonder if people complained.

I have a feeling my pastor and his wife don't spank. They are *extremely* caring, connected, positive parents. I really admire them, and I love seeing them worship in church together with their two kids.

I guess I've been very, very fortunate, because I don't run into the junk that most people here do.

[thomer]

Originally Posted by erinee

I have never in my life heard a sermon that actively promotes spanking. Occasionally I've heard a pastor tell a story where he gave his kids a spanking, but it wasn't instructing how to spank or saying in any way that parents *should* spank.

I guess I've been very, very fortunate, because I don't run into the junk that most people here do.

That's how our church is. I know the pastor spanked (he's my FIL) but it was only for direct defiance or serious offenses. I really agree with a lot of their parenting ideas, except for the few spanking things.

I only know of one person in our church who used Ezzo, and everyone comments about how her baby is so 'depressed' all the time. She also knew that no one else used it or would approve, becasue she told me not to tell anyone or she'd get 'yelled at' by the other mothers.

Our pastor doesn't....I just wrote him an e-mail last week thanking him for not preaching/promoting spanking from the pulpit. He wrote me back and told me that there were few reasons why he doesn't. 1. He can't find anywhere in the Bible that says to spank. 2. He if he did preach on spanking some would take it as permission to use a belt vs some who would give a small tap. 3 He believes that Christians should not promote violence and spanking is promoting violence.

Can I say that my pastor is awesome??

I haven't heard a punitive teaching from our pastors.

Now, individuals in the church spank, but the church does *not* teach punitive parenting.

Much to my relief because we had come from a church that teaches downright draconian methods.

db

I've never heard spanking preached from the pulpit, from dh or from the other pastor's we've served with. I know before we came our church taught a GKGW class a couple times but it was more like a couple volunteered to teach it and no one stopped them. That wouldn't happen now. We've also had a Boundaries with Children class taught a couple times. The woman who taught it was way too punative for my taste but there were only about 8 people in the class. So whatever. I've taught the Parenting Project by the Sears, et al. and a video series with Ross Campbell. Very non-punative and non-adversarial.

Now I know there are some very punative people at my church, ala Dobson and Ezzo, no Pearl folks that I know of, but it certianly isn't promoted as being the only way to be a "christian parent".

Magan

[mwwr]

My pastor went into a long sidenote about how wonderful Dobson is in our Sunday School class the other day, and I wanted to . I am dying for him to bring it up again when I am better prepared to respond, so I can ask him where spanking is advocated in the Bible. However, I am a little concerned that he may have an answer that I am not prepared to challenge-- that's why I am here . He is constantly reminding us that many people believe things are in the Bible that aren't, but he has never noticed that Dobson is *not* in the Bible . He's got good kids, and is very concerned about applying God's grace in every aspect of life, so I can't help but wonder if Dobson "worked" for his family. I have always thought that Dobson's strong- willed child is a wimp compared to mine ; perhaps his aren't terribly strong- willed. His wife once told me that one of their kids, J., was so tender-hearted that the threat of a spanking was enough to make him cry tears of repentance and obey them-- he never had to actually be spanked.

Sorry to ramble, but the disconnect between preaching grace and spanking one's kids is really getting to me, esp. in a man who is pretty transparent in all aspects of life. He never pretends to be someone he's not-- -- a too rare quality in preachers it seems. So I really feel called to challenge this, but don't know how best to do it. My dh HATES it when I ask "annoying questions" in Sunday School, but how else ya' gonna learn?

Please for wisdom for me in this matter. Dh is starting to come around on GBD, so I *hate* for him to hear this stuff from the pulpit.

My church doesn't! Our Pastor has mentioned occasionally spanking his boys, but never actually endorses it. The only church member s who kind of brag about spanking are the ones with the out-of-control children (gotta love irony!)

[Wonder Woman]

in my previous churches, absolutely. MIL's church (that dh grew up in) hands out TTUAC

in my current church, not really. My pastor is fairly GBD naturally, anyway. And the one time he did mention the rod verses he quickly clarified with "and that DOES NOT mean you have to spank your child - it means to teach them!"

(and then he came to me and dh after service and asked he handled it ok ) He's very sensitive to the fact that we are GBD and vocal about it

I have been to a church that we where visiting where the pastor said that we should spank (it was a really cool church too, kinda wierd). I have never had anyone say that from pulpit at a church I was a memeber of though.

At the church that we are goign to now it is really confusing.There are TONS of people deeply intrenced in the Pearl/Ezzo thing. Funny story though. I have been talking to a girl there about it and about AP and all that and I asked her if I could borrow her TTUAC and Babywise books. I made it clear to her that I only wanted them because I was courious about what they really said. Well dh went to their house for homegroup on Sunday evening, I didn't go because I can't bring the kids (another issue, but that is for another post). When she was giving them to Jonathon the pastor came up and said "My wife and I got into a disagreement about that book" then he just changed the subject. It was kinda wierd? I guess, later, he told the friend that was loaning to me that he disagreed with the Pearl stuff. I was really happy to hear that. The whole thing is kidna strange though.

How do ya'll handle this stuff with out "starting trouble" in the church?

[MidnightCafe]

The church where I grew up taught spanking. My pastor preached parenting advice from the pulpit, including spanking. I agree with much of what he said, but not the spanking stuff. It really bothered me, and that was back when I was in high school.

I have never heard my current pastor (different church) give any parenting advice. The church hasn't had any GKGW classes in the time that I've been there. I know that some of the parents spank. I'm also fairly certain that a number of the parents don't spank.

I went to a Bible study with a group of people from another local church & one of the couples had taken a GKGW class at yet another church. That's the closest I've come to someone who's actually taken that class. They certainly took it seriously, and their parenting practices were one of the reasons we quit that Bible study group.

I think our pastor's fairly neutral. He's mentioned being raised that way. I'm pretty sure he has a temper, and I think he's had to learn to deal with it.

I'd say our church is pretty much Dobson-ish. I know the head of our children's ministry is naturally GBD minded. I've mentioned the anti-spanking promotional gear and what it has on it (from Jadensmom) and he thought it was hysterically cool. I didn't realize it, but the Sunday school committee was trying to find someone to do a class on Dobson's Strong-Willed Child a while back. I gave them Ross Campbell's book on anger and they chose that one over the Dobson book... the head of the children's ministry lead it .

[ServingGod]

Not from my Priest. He and his wife are AP and their youngest still co slept with them when he was 3.5. His approach...and what I have found pretty common through our denomination is an attitude of grace. http://www.xanga.com/OrthodoxPilgrim...4969/item.html This is a little q and a thingy that pretty much sums it up. Even in Church if a child is not being quiet and the parent goes to take the child out...he will say "Stay Mama...a little disturbance is fine...children are children and cant act like adults...its more beneficial for you child to stay in here and make a little noise" It is SOOOO refreshing from the uber punitive churches we have been in in the past.