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Unprepared for Parenting (Ezzos, Pearls, Etc.) *Public* Support and information for those affected by the Ezzos, the Pearls, and other punitive and adversarial methods of child-rearing. A public forum. Before posting here, please read this sticky and keep guideline 23 in mind:
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06-10-2012, 06:22 PM | #1 |
Rose Bouquet
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: Beautiful, windy Kansas
Posts: 953
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Be still my fingers
I saw a couple different posts on facebook from people in our church regarding spanking and equating it with discipline. I so want to post a status about why "people" think discipline equals spanking. I won't because it's passive aggressive and if I'm going to address the issue I will do so in private. But I just have to get it out. Why do people think you must spank in order to discipline. It doesn't make sense. I'll admit, I've spanked before, but it's not because it's what I think is best, it's because I don't know what else to do. I'm growing my tool box so that I don't even know the last time I spanked, but I know that that reason is not a good one. I know it's not what I won't to do. I'm totally still growing in this GBD thing, and it's kind of funny how those posts probably wouldn't have bothered me a year ago, but now they make me so annoyed. Just had to get that out since I'm not ready to post that on facebook.
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Megan, wife to my wonderful pastor husband and mommy to the noisy one, Titus (5) and the tiny one, Asher (2). |
The Following User Says Thank You to titosmommy For This Useful Post: | Amy (06-13-2012) |
06-10-2012, 06:55 PM | #2 |
Rose Garden
She's a good girl, loves her Mama, loves Jesus, and Kentucky too
Join Date: Feb 2006
Posts: 7,873
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Re: Be still my fingers
Yeah, usually that just stirs up more debate. I just post links and quotes on my wall that are very GBD and crunchy so people know where I stand. There have been a couple times I have posted and I usually regret getting into it, but I'm very non confrontational that way.
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Wife to Designer/Creative Director ESFJ - piano teacher Noah 2005 Coleman 2007 Josie 2018 |
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06-10-2012, 06:58 PM | #3 |
Rose Garden
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: South Carolina
Posts: 16,108
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Re: Be still my fingers
I hate the whole "discipline=punishment" thing too.
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k-i-loyd, not kill loyd ISFJ/P Katherine, married 8-9-97 ds1 22 (adding a dil in August!) dd1 18 dd2 16 ds2 10 |
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06-10-2012, 07:54 PM | #4 |
Rose Trellis
"What if Your blessings come through raindrops? What if Your healing comes through tears?"
Join Date: Jan 2008
Location: southwest VA
Posts: 2,649
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Re: Be still my fingers
In my neck of the woods people usually argue that the Bible says so
Over the past few years I've shared some things on fb at "neutral" times that have made it clear where I stand. But yeah, sometimes it is *so* hard not to get pulled into a debate.
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Christina INTJ, T4 former high school teacher turned homeschool mom married 12 yrs to DH ENFP, T1 currently battling hemeralopia-induced blindness and chronic pain for the 3rd time mama to five: 10.5yo DS (my serious T4) 8yo DD (my sparkly T1) 3.5yo DD (my precious T2) one I will hold in heaven |
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06-10-2012, 08:58 PM | #5 |
Rosebud
Join Date: May 2012
Location: CO
Posts: 120
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Re: Be still my fingers
Yeah I saw some "that's what this country needs a good spankin'!!" the other day and I was like.... WHATTT? People still think that way?? It's crazy when you get a little bit "out there" on FB and see some stuff... ooo I just forget it's still actually like that, it's so sad
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Kate Wife since 1/2/08 Mama to Logan 6/14/10
Remembering Lea 04W02D - Dec '11 & Baby J 06W4D - July '12 |
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06-10-2012, 10:27 PM | #6 |
Deactivated
Jumping off the hot tin roof.
Join Date: May 2011
Location: We are all of us made of stars.
Posts: 2,106
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Re: Be still my fingers
It's really hard. I recently dipped my toe into a similar online conversation. I simply stated that I do not believe in spanking or punishment in general, point them to a few great books, secular and Christian, state that I won't engage in an online debate on the topic (but a personal message or conversation from an interested party is fine), then sum it up with something like:
"I have faith that any parent with the right tools is capable of solving the problem and teaching their child about loving others, themselves and God without the use of punishment. " |
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06-11-2012, 12:12 AM | #7 |
Deactivated
It is good to be Queen!
Join Date: Aug 2005
Location: Nothin' could be finer...
Posts: 8,231
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Re: Be still my fingers
This is getting me thinking...to discipline without spanking requires *discipline* form the parent. First we must discipline ourselves.
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06-11-2012, 06:17 PM | #8 |
Climbing Rose
Join Date: Nov 2005
Location: Washington State
Posts: 1,362
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Re: Be still my fingers
, and the more I solve my own issues, the more clarity and patience I have to guide my own children. I know there are a lot of us on this board that are literally re-raising ourselves out of the desire to do things differently for our children. It's a journey worth making
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Naomi, INFJ, married to my carpenter DH, and mama to DC (19), DD (16), DS (13), DD (9), and DD (7). Plus three kitties, Mango, Mochi, and Lola. |
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06-11-2012, 06:45 PM | #9 |
Rose Garden
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: Into the sky, all the way out.
Posts: 7,377
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Re: Be still my fingers
That's why I signed up for Celebrate Calm in my news feed. This is a big thing for them.
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Hi! I'm Robin married 13 years to my best friend mama to two ~ 9 & 6 years old "Don't they teach recreational maths anymore?"
~The Doctor |
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06-11-2012, 07:23 PM | #10 | |
Rose Trellis
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: Virginia
Posts: 1,938
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Re: Be still my fingers
Quote:
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Celeste INFJ
Married to Marcus June 2009 Mama to "Little Bear" February 2011 Welcome Baby "YoYo" !! January 2014 Keeper of one grey cat Liz ...Verily I say unto you, Inasmuch as ye have done it unto one of the least of these my brethren, ye have done it unto me. Matthew 25:40 |
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06-11-2012, 09:54 PM | #11 |
Deactivated
Jumping off the hot tin roof.
Join Date: May 2011
Location: We are all of us made of stars.
Posts: 2,106
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Re: Be still my fingers
Yep. My big 'aha' moment was when I realized *I* needed more self-control if I wanted to be more patient with my child. I really was overwhelmed by what a huge leap in maturity that would take, but deeply comforted that I had a heavenly father to hold my hand along the way. We're still hiking that trail!
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The Following User Says Thank You to ruhama For This Useful Post: | Tasmanian Saint (06-16-2012) |
06-11-2012, 10:55 PM | #12 |
Climbing Rose
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: Australia
Posts: 1,064
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Re: Be still my fingers
I LOVE that I have Celebrate Calm in my newsfeed - it really helps me nurture discipline in my own life...
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Breastfeeding, baby wearing, gentle Aussie mum INTJ My heart & soul lie with the women of Rwanda |
The Following User Says Thank You to Amahoro For This Useful Post: | tigerlily (06-12-2012) |
06-13-2012, 08:23 PM | #13 |
Climbing Rose
Join Date: Feb 2012
Location: Northeast
Posts: 1,163
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Re: Be still my fingers
I have a hard time not responding to posts like that too. I often will give a short sentence about what we do in our family and then say I don't want to debate on FB but I'm happy to talk about it further via PM with anyone who's interested. Saying something grace-full though instead of sarcastic is often very hard for me! I think (hope!) I'm getting better at it.
I just liked Celebrate Calm - thanks for the recommendation! Never heard of them before. Another mama here working on re-parenting myself so I can be a better mom to my DD!
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Erin INFJ wife to hard-working cowboy DH ~ 6/5/2005 mama to sweet and spunky DD ~ 9/2/09 squishy and serene DS ~ 1/12/14 and my angel baby ~ 1/8/2008 "The work we do is only our love for Jesus in action." ~Mother Theresa |
06-16-2012, 10:40 AM | #14 |
Administrator
Join Date: Mar 2005
Posts: 34,568
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Re: Be still my fingers
That really is key - not seeing ourselves as these perfect being who must bend our children to our will, but imperfect people who need to model self-control and self-discipline AND honest and humble remorse when our human fraility causes us to sin. Ds and I are having issus right now and I have to remember to work on this aspect of 'teaching and growing' more right now than when he was tiny.
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Elizabeth "Truth without love is divisive and hurtful & love without truth is anemic"--Pastor Estep Arise, cry out in the night...pour out your heart like water in the presence of the Lord; Lift up your hands to him for the lives of your children..; Lamentations 2:19 |
The Following User Says Thank You to CelticJourney For This Useful Post: | Llee (06-18-2012) |
06-17-2012, 11:46 PM | #15 |
Guest
Posts: n/a
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Re: Be still my fingers
This post is quite timely. It seems as if this past week was "spanking glorification" week on FB. I had no less than three pro-spanking and "spanking is biblical discipline!" posts on my wall. I left polite, disagreeing comments under two of them. One of the others I didn't dare, as the woman is quite surly and her husband works with my father. What are ya gonna do?
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