I blew it big time

booboo · 11-07-2005, 07:19 PM

Today I let my girls color in an old coloring book I had, one of those that are a bit more expensive than the average and much more detailed. My first grader isn't really that great at coloring, she has Asperger's and I really got down on her. I told her she's supposed to go in between the lines, not scribble, and use more than 2 colors. Then I wouldn't let her do any more. This was shortly after she did one picture for me, which I had quickly taped to the wall in my bedroom.

Right now, my dd is asleep. Of course, that's when I realize I messed up and really broke her little heart.

Now I'm the one who is crying.

Sometimes I wish one of you more experienced, gentle mamas could be a fly on my wall and tell me what I'm doing wrong and how to change it. I grew up in a very dysfunctional home and never intended to abuse my kids. But I think I just did verbally today.

I hope someday she could forgive me for being such a mess up.

Thanks for listening.

Wonder Woman · 11-07-2005, 07:36 PM

11-07-2005, 07:43 PM

You're not alone. I reflect on things I've said or done and cannot believe it sometimes. She will forgive you and she still loves you.

Lord, lift us up and help us be the mothers to these beautiful children that you intended us to be. Help us be gentle and compassionate. I pray to you for patience, understanding and strength. Amen.

MarynMunchkins · 11-07-2005, 08:49 PM

Grace is there for everyone. Apologize and move on.

slingmamaof4 · 11-07-2005, 08:57 PM

I understand.

Do you want any advice? If so on what specifically? There are so many mamas on here--it is an abundance of AP/GBD wisdom. A great resource.

And don't view yourself as a mess up.

You are trying and you are actively taking steps to become a more gentle mother in word and deed. It doesn't all come at once. But as you keep reading books, posting on here,

, and staying in-tune with your kids you will be amazed at your growth when you look back in a few months...really in a year imagine the difference if you are willing to accept the difference and work at it.

We all have rough days. No one can deny that!

CelticJourney · 11-07-2005, 09:34 PM

A 6-7 year old is old enough to go to and ask forgiveness. Tell her you were thinking about yesterday and God put it on your heart that you had not been kind and you want to ask her forgiveness. Ask her to pray with you. Tell her that she means more to you than any coloring book ever could and that you made a mistake. It may be the hardest thing you ever do, and it may be one of the best examples your dd will ever have to humility in action.

Bonnie · 11-07-2005, 09:34 PM

One step at a time! Even recognizing that it wasn't the best way to handle it is a big deal if you're not from a gentle background. Give grace, and accept grace, and learn from it. I'm having to do just that every day, too. Patterns can be so hard to break. And apologizing to your kids is an amazing thing to model.

ArmsOfLove · 11-07-2005, 09:37 PM

Maybe you could get the book back out and tell her you were wrong to get frustrated with how she was coloring--and that you'd love her to do another picture for you however she wants

booboo · 11-08-2005, 02:45 AM

Thanks, everybody.

Yeah I will get that book and let her make another picture, any way she'd like.

I am so glad to have found this board. I don't want to be an abusive mom. I don't want to be like my parents were to me, yet I'm starting to see that pattern. Even my dh told me last night I'm a little too hard on them.

I see a counselor, and it's been helpful. I did go to the Clarkson's website and signed up for their emails. I truly want to learn to be a better mom. And I have Stormie Omartian's Power of a Praying Parent which I read at night and early mornings.

Radosny Matka · 11-08-2005, 12:54 PM

We all have bad days.

booboo · 11-08-2005, 03:10 PM

I apologized to her first thing this morning. I was up around 4 am (becoming a habit since Daylight savings ended) and she woke up by 5 and was lying on the couch. I went to her and apologized about that. It's amazing how easily children forgive us. I was crying! She told me she forgives me because I said I was sorry, then started talking about how her toy frog was "hungry."

It's like, okay move on right away.

And I had gone to bed wondering why God allowed me to be a mom, with my background, etc. It's easy to feel so unworthy of these blessings..BTW, I did allow her to color in that book with no criticisms.

CelticJourney · 11-08-2005, 03:27 PM

slingmamaof4 · 11-08-2005, 05:11 PM

Sounds great!!!!!

AttachedMamma · 11-25-2005, 03:46 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by booboo

Sometimes I wish one of you more experienced, gentle mamas could be a fly on my wall and tell me what I'm doing wrong and how to change it. I grew up in a very dysfunctional home and never intended to abuse my kids. But I think I just did verbally today.

I grew up w/a perfectionistic, critical father. Sounds like you had some of that too. We're very hard on ourselves and oftentimes others too. It's our life's journey to forgive ourselves, others and allow the blood of Jesus to heal us. God is doing a new thing and he uses our children to heal us too!

So glad to hear of your forgiving experience w/your DD.

cindi

booboo · 11-26-2005, 03:33 AM

Hey,

I never thought of God using our children to heal us.

But it all makes sense, especially if you marry someone who is not like your parents, loving and caring, etc. I mean, my dh is far from perfect and sometimes I do have to tell him to his face he's wrong, etc. But watching him playing with our girls and seeing how much they love him..it's much different world than what I grew up in. I was abused by my siblings and parents. You could say I was the "runt of the litter", being #5 of 6 kids, and they were horrible to me. You can see why being a gentle mom doesn't come very easy to me but I really am trying and praying about all this!

Thank you for that insight. I'm really glad I found GCM and for Bonny (if she's still out there) for pointing me to this direction.

11-07-2005, 07:19 PM	#1
booboo Deactivated Join Date: Mar 2005 Posts: 4,574	I blew it big time Today I let my girls color in an old coloring book I had, one of those that are a bit more expensive than the average and much more detailed. My first grader isn't really that great at coloring, she has Asperger's and I really got down on her. I told her she's supposed to go in between the lines, not scribble, and use more than 2 colors. Then I wouldn't let her do any more. This was shortly after she did one picture for me, which I had quickly taped to the wall in my bedroom. Right now, my dd is asleep. Of course, that's when I realize I messed up and really broke her little heart. Now I'm the one who is crying. Sometimes I wish one of you more experienced, gentle mamas could be a fly on my wall and tell me what I'm doing wrong and how to change it. I grew up in a very dysfunctional home and never intended to abuse my kids. But I think I just did verbally today. I hope someday she could forgive me for being such a mess up. Thanks for listening.

11-07-2005, 07:36 PM	#2
Wonder Woman Deactivated Yep. I'm a 3. Join Date: Mar 2005 Posts: 19,140	Re: I blew it big time

11-07-2005, 07:43 PM	#3
MamatoBiz Guest Posts: n/a	Re: I blew it big time You're not alone. I reflect on things I've said or done and cannot believe it sometimes. She will forgive you and she still loves you. Lord, lift us up and help us be the mothers to these beautiful children that you intended us to be. Help us be gentle and compassionate. I pray to you for patience, understanding and strength. Amen.

11-07-2005, 08:49 PM	#4
MarynMunchkins Deactivated Join Date: Mar 2005 Posts: 38,127	Re: I blew it big time Grace is there for everyone. Apologize and move on.

11-07-2005, 09:34 PM	#6
CelticJourney Administrator Join Date: Mar 2005 Posts: 34,561	Re: I blew it big time A 6-7 year old is old enough to go to and ask forgiveness. Tell her you were thinking about yesterday and God put it on your heart that you had not been kind and you want to ask her forgiveness. Ask her to pray with you. Tell her that she means more to you than any coloring book ever could and that you made a mistake. It may be the hardest thing you ever do, and it may be one of the best examples your dd will ever have to humility in action. __________________ Elizabeth "Truth without love is divisive and hurtful & love without truth is anemic"--Pastor Estep Arise, cry out in the night...pour out your heart like water in the presence of the Lord; Lift up your hands to him for the lives of your children..; Lamentations 2:19

11-07-2005, 08:57 PM	#5
slingmamaof4 Rose Garden Join Date: Oct 2005 Posts: 10,066	Re: I blew it big time I understand. Do you want any advice? If so on what specifically? There are so many mamas on here--it is an abundance of AP/GBD wisdom. A great resource. And don't view yourself as a mess up. You are trying and you are actively taking steps to become a more gentle mother in word and deed. It doesn't all come at once. But as you keep reading books, posting on here, , and staying in-tune with your kids you will be amazed at your growth when you look back in a few months...really in a year imagine the difference if you are willing to accept the difference and work at it. We all have rough days. No one can deny that! __________________ Sharon Married to Noah for 15 years; Mom to Belle Renee, 12; Ryllan Connor, 9; Finn Gabriel, 6; and Zane Sebastian, 2. Custom Photo Cards. PM me for details!

11-07-2005, 09:34 PM	#7
Bonnie Rose Garden Join Date: Oct 2005 Location: San Antonio, TX Posts: 16,861	Re: I blew it big time One step at a time! Even recognizing that it wasn't the best way to handle it is a big deal if you're not from a gentle background. Give grace, and accept grace, and learn from it. I'm having to do just that every day, too. Patterns can be so hard to break. And apologizing to your kids is an amazing thing to model. __________________ Bonnie, part Vulcan, wibbly-wobbly timey-wimey sexy-wexy USAF wife of 20 years to G Mom to Nathan (12.5), Nora (10.5), Katie (7.9) and Ev (4.5!!) Mauka & Makai 12/29/08 Occasional "Dorm Mom" to M the wonder student

11-07-2005, 09:37 PM	#8
ArmsOfLove Rose Garden Join Date: Mar 2005 Posts: 79,607	Re: I blew it big time Maybe you could get the book back out and tell her you were wrong to get frustrated with how she was coloring--and that you'd love her to do another picture for you however she wants __________________ Crystal "When someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time." Maya Angelou

11-08-2005, 02:45 AM	#9
booboo Deactivated Join Date: Mar 2005 Posts: 4,574	Re: I blew it big time Thanks, everybody. Yeah I will get that book and let her make another picture, any way she'd like. I am so glad to have found this board. I don't want to be an abusive mom. I don't want to be like my parents were to me, yet I'm starting to see that pattern. Even my dh told me last night I'm a little too hard on them. I see a counselor, and it's been helpful. I did go to the Clarkson's website and signed up for their emails. I truly want to learn to be a better mom. And I have Stormie Omartian's Power of a Praying Parent which I read at night and early mornings.

11-08-2005, 12:54 PM	#10
Radosny Matka Rose Garden I am so blessed! Join Date: Mar 2005 Location: somewhere between sane and crazy Posts: 26,922	Re: I blew it big time We all have bad days. __________________ Sara Wife to Love of my life 8/98 Momma to my precious children: N 17 years, P 13 years, O 5 years! Remembering our babies: 12/98 9/99 12/09 1/17

11-08-2005, 03:10 PM	#11
booboo Deactivated Join Date: Mar 2005 Posts: 4,574	Re: I blew it big time I apologized to her first thing this morning. I was up around 4 am (becoming a habit since Daylight savings ended) and she woke up by 5 and was lying on the couch. I went to her and apologized about that. It's amazing how easily children forgive us. I was crying! She told me she forgives me because I said I was sorry, then started talking about how her toy frog was "hungry." It's like, okay move on right away. And I had gone to bed wondering why God allowed me to be a mom, with my background, etc. It's easy to feel so unworthy of these blessings..BTW, I did allow her to color in that book with no criticisms.

11-08-2005, 03:27 PM	#12
CelticJourney Administrator Join Date: Mar 2005 Posts: 34,561	Re: I blew it big time __________________ Elizabeth "Truth without love is divisive and hurtful & love without truth is anemic"--Pastor Estep Arise, cry out in the night...pour out your heart like water in the presence of the Lord; Lift up your hands to him for the lives of your children..; Lamentations 2:19

11-08-2005, 05:11 PM	#13
slingmamaof4 Rose Garden Join Date: Oct 2005 Posts: 10,066	Re: I blew it big time Sounds great!!!!! __________________ Sharon Married to Noah for 15 years; Mom to Belle Renee, 12; Ryllan Connor, 9; Finn Gabriel, 6; and Zane Sebastian, 2. Custom Photo Cards. PM me for details!

11-26-2005, 03:33 AM	#15
booboo Deactivated Join Date: Mar 2005 Posts: 4,574	Re: I blew it big time Hey, I never thought of God using our children to heal us. But it all makes sense, especially if you marry someone who is not like your parents, loving and caring, etc. I mean, my dh is far from perfect and sometimes I do have to tell him to his face he's wrong, etc. But watching him playing with our girls and seeing how much they love him..it's much different world than what I grew up in. I was abused by my siblings and parents. You could say I was the "runt of the litter", being #5 of 6 kids, and they were horrible to me. You can see why being a gentle mom doesn't come very easy to me but I really am trying and praying about all this! Thank you for that insight. I'm really glad I found GCM and for Bonny (if she's still out there) for pointing me to this direction.

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