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Unprepared for Parenting (Ezzos, Pearls, Etc.) *Public* Support and information for those affected by the Ezzos, the Pearls, and other punitive and adversarial methods of child-rearing.
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23. No posts harshly dissecting parenting moments of others since we desire to humbly cultivate a heart attitude of grace and not judgment towards other mamas. We all struggle at times as parents and have much to learn, and GCM's focus is to provide tools and information for each of us to parent more effectively. Posts voicing some frustration regarding choices made by others can be okay, but it needs to be within the overall context of seeking understanding or ideas for better responses in the future.

 
 
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Old 01-13-2011, 10:55 AM   #1
mystweaver
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Question Strong-Willed Children Vs. Gentle Discipline

Yesterday, my dad and I had a hypothetical conversation about gentle parenting and the way I'm going to parent vs. the way he parented. (He won't be convinced that his way wasn't best, but he's very open to hypothetical conversations as long as I don't have children.)

One of the things he said was that he saw other gentle parents and liked their approach, but it wasn't for our family. "They had kids who would cry if you glared at them, so they didn't need to be harsh. You kids were stubborn. It took a lot more to get through to you."

They like to remind us that 3 out of 4 kids were strong-willed/stubborn (I now claim that title with pride), and they didn't have any other options. 2 of those 3 were also ADHD + food allergies, and the one who wans't stubborn had some developmental delays + significant allergies, so I can see how they were overwhelmed, but

Sometimes I think their harsh approach was half the problem: since my mom wasn't especially stubborn (except when her pride was on the line), I feel like they set themselves up for failure with the adversarial approach. On the other side, they feel like they would have been trampled as parents if they had let their stubborn children 'loose' like gentle parenting suggested.

Since I haven't actually tried to gently parent any strong-willed children, I couldn't really respond to that. I know it works in theory. How would you explain it (to someone who was open to hypothetical conversations, but not a critique of his parenting).

(Please excuse the influx of questions/new threads. My dad and I had about 2 hours of talking yesterday that led to a bunch of 'aha!' moments on my end.)
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