I'm about to let this baby cry it out...

[CelticJourney]

Is there any chance of reflux?

[kiloyd]

I was having one of those days today too. Why is my 21 month old waking so much?! Other toddlers sleep longer!

Hang in there.

You're doing lots of things now. Some babies/toddlers just need us at night longer. And it's tiring and annoying. But it will end.

I am saying this as much for you as for me.

At 14 months with my first I took the crib down and put a mattress on his floor. Nursed him to sleep there and went to him when he woke. Dh wanted him out of our bed too. That was my compromise.

[mamacat]

Totally agree with that.It does not work *right now* for you to put him in crib to be able to get things done and spend time with dh.Before you know it tho he will not be 13 months. You and dh can get him to sleep either in common area or in your oom and still spend time together. If you sidecar a bed might help for him to have own sleeping surface so he is right next to you but you and dh have more room and he isnt roused when you move.When my 2 youngest were little I finally stopped trying to make sleep scenarios happen and went with what got everyone most amount of rest.For me it looked like going to bed when 2 youngest did which was 9 PM and then reading quietly or watching tv low volume for an hour or so.Then I would gt up before baby in morning and get a few things done as well as during nap times.You may have to enlist dh to help you get more done right now. It is just a season where it is hard to get things done.traditonally people had extended families living under same roof anf there were many hands to help

[houseforjoy]

I just wish i could come over and give you a big hug really and truly you ARE giving him what he needs. Some babies really are just needier then others. none of my babies have slept through the night until sometime around 2 when i thought we were both ready to try working on it. it is HARD. If you can keep him in bed later in the morning that helps. I would sometimes just keep nursing them down and stay in bed until 9 or 10am.

With my second when i had ppd, one of the only things that helped was fresh air. I would put her in the wrap and either push ds in the stroller or leave him at home if dh was there, and just walk outside. Even when it was cold cold cold. i would just bundle us up and walk outside for even just 5 minutes. and during those five minutes even if she was crying(because usually she was), i would just focus on my breathing. I would feel myself breath in the cold fresh air, and then watch it blow out it little curls of "smoke"

Nap when you can, and phooey on those dishes in the sink. ARe you an extrovert? - i am so i used to just call people and sometimes make up reasons for calling(i ididn't want to talk about the rough time i was having, so i would say i needed a recipe for something, or ask how so and so was doing)

If you need someone you can phone please pm me and i will give you my number!

It is so rough when you are going through something and you feel all alone

[Beth1231]

Are you nursing him everytime he wakes?
At that age,you can certainly let him cry in your arms (I usually rock a crying baby in a chair to keep myself calm) until he gives up on the nursing idea and is sleepy enough to put down. Ideally,baby falls alseep on his own while calm and sleepy.
If you're not feeding him every time he wakes,please disregard this. Feeding every hour was my big mistake in the absolute desperation for sleep with my oldest.
I found some of the info in No Cry Sleep Solution to be enormously helpful.

ETA: My wording is not the best, above. Comfort nursing is a little bit different than nursing completely, soundly to sleep. I am suggesting avoiding the latter if at all possible in order to encourage different sleep associations

[MidnightCafe]

The biggest change we made that seemed to help when my DD was a baby (she's 12 now ), was to stop nursing to sleep at night. I'd nurse her before bed but keep her awake through the nursing. Then I'd lie down with her and pat her back and talk softly until she fell asleep. I read somewhere (maybe No Cry Sleep Solution?) that the way a baby falls asleep is the way they expect to wake up. So, if they fall asleep nursing, they expect to wake up nursing. Discovering that they are not nursing rouses them fully, and then you have to start all over again.

Also, it was just DH, DD, & I (meaning, there were no siblings we had to put to bed). So, we all went to bed at the same time. If the house was quiet and the light were off, there wasn't anything interesting going on anywhere else, and DD knew it was time for bed. Sometimes DH & I would sneak back out of bed for some time alone after she was asleep if we were both still awake.

[Beth1231]

Yes. If sleepy baby falls asleep on their own,sleepy baby often will fall back to sleep on their own.

[MaySunflowers]

Oh I know what you are going through... made me feel like I had an illness I was so tired, especially with my first who didn't sleep longer than 45 minutes for about the first 15 months.

My second slept only the most minutest bit better but our arrangement for sleeping was better and I felt more human. We had our mattress and his mattress on the floor next to each other and I slowly weaned him onto his own mattress where he'd get to cuddle my arm. It worked more often than not and I tended to get at least 1 1/2 hours of sleep at a time.

[mamacat]

If had it to do over would do what Beth and Midnight said about not nursing to sleep.My oldest dd did this with her 2nd dd and it worked out much better. Sometimes I think if they are nursed to sleep every time then when they do wake a bit and find that they arent nursing they look for that. When I look at family pics can tell by them if had young nursing baby or not by amount of unfolded clean laundry in background .

[CelticJourney]

There are true biological reasons that babies fall asleep with breastmilk/feeding. Yes, it's more convenient for mom and starts a training process, but it feels like we are getting on shakey ground here. I suppose I have seen too many medical issues and true physical needs being met by doing what a mom feels necessary and I would hate for anyone to feel discouraged from nursing their baby when they feel it is the right thing to do.

I would FIRST start with trying to nurse down in the bed and skip the step of the crib and see what happens.

[ReedleBeetle]

My son was like this. He continued to be a poor sleeper and frequent eater. We recently discovered he has an insulin problem and all the frequenting eating and waking was part of that. I'm so glad now that I fought through it and didn't make him miserable for my convenience.

[esperanza]

I don't want to derail the conversation too much. Hope the OP doesn't mind a few more questions about the idea of nursing right away at night wakings. I've read a lot about this, and of course there are people on both ends of the spectrum in opinions. Most of what I read though is about young babies, and it doesn't really address the toddler stage.

I'm sure I can't be the only one who finds nursing back to sleep the fastest (and hence least tiring for mommy) way to get the baby back to sleep. He may not be hungry, but he will nurse and quickly go back to sleep. After doing that for months and months, I'm sure he does want/expect that when he wakes up. Am I shooting myself in the foot by continuing this? It just is so much easier and less energy consuming than alternative ways to get him back to sleep that require getting out of bed. When you're this tired, it's all about getting everyone back to sleep as fast as possible.

OP- another thought. Yesterday I had a thought about giving my son a snack before bed. We eat dinner early due to dh's work schedule, and I was thinking that perhaps he really is truly hungry often during the night. He had some yogurt and cheese, and ate quite a bit. He didn't wake to eat until 1 am, which is HUGE! Now I have no expectation that this will continue, because otherwise I'm just disappointed when the night wakings start much earlier, but it did seem to help at least for one night. Have you tried that?

I will also say that for me so much of dealing with this is my own mental processes. I have to stay away from emails/FB posts/GCM posts about babies who are naturally good sleepers, comments about how babies can learn to sleep on their own from a young age if we only do x or y, etc. I end up feeling either guilty that I did something wrong or frustrated with my ds that he isn't a better sleeper. I don't think moms of "good" sleepers get how hard this is.

[mamacat]

bedtime snacks are a helpful thing for toddlers sometimes.If I had it to do over I would try the nursing till full and content but not to sleep. I suspect that some babies may just need to nurse to sleep tho. When my dd did that with dd2 she was fine with it full and content and then just snuggled off to sleep at some point. it wasnt like my dd would take her off breast and she would cry or root around for more

[CelticJourney]

Originally Posted by esperanza

...I'm sure I can't be the only one who finds nursing back to sleep the fastest (and hence least tiring for mommy) way to get the baby back to sleep. He may not be hungry, but he will nurse and quickly go back to sleep. After doing that for months and months, I'm sure he does want/expect that when he wakes up. Am I shooting myself in the foot by continuing this? It just is so much easier and less energy consuming than alternative ways to get him back to sleep that require getting out of bed. When you're this tired, it's all about getting everyone back to sleep as fast as possible......

Not in my experience

[light of mine]

My easiest babies to get to sleep and to stay asleep were the ones who would nurse down. My oldest dd was a horrible sleep fighter from the very beginning and honestly still has a hard time going to sleep at 8 (just in last year has she been consistently getting herself to sleep) . My newest dd won't nurse to sleep and it has honestly been the most tiring experience of all 4 of my kids.