How to transition from cosleeping to own bed?

[Taedareth]

Cosleeping feels safe and cosy to the child. I've read that in some cultures people continue sleeping next to family members much longer than we do in our culture and I can see the logic of that.

But if you're ready for your bigger little one to begin sleeping in his or her own bedroom, how do you transition?

I've got one independent kid who readily falls asleep in his own room. He simply started doing it one day, so that was pretty effortless Kid #2 is bouncy bouncy bouncy unless I'm there to cuddle until she's asleep. But this takes a while, by which time I'm usually sleep too. But I'd really rather sleep in my own bed I've tried teaching her how to sequentially relax all the muscles in her body like Crystal suggests, but we get to the end of the exercise and she freaks out because she "isn't sleepy yet." (I never found relaxation exercises the slightest bit helpful when I was a child, so that doesn't surprise me.)

Anyway. My only plan is to sit on a chair beside her bed, read a story, turn out the light, and sit there for 40 minutes until she's asleep. Oh yay. She is a talker, too. Her brother will sit silently until he's sleepy, but she talks herself to sleep. No joke. I ask her to tell me a story and she goes on and on and on until she drops asleep

Oh, some families listen to Adventures in Odyssey after lights out. But those stories can be very action-packed. I don't think it would be relaxing enough for her.

Any tips or suggestions?

[CelticJourney]

Maybe find some less action oriented stories Or maybe just soft classical music?

You could put a mattress beside her bed for you - 'mom is going to sleep, you go to sleep' kinda separate but together to get her used to being alone in the bed without having to be completely alone.

[mamacat]

I agree with celtic about both of those ideas.Then when you start trying the sep. room let them know that if they need to they can come to your room and get into that other bed and not wake you up. I have even had a teen or 2 dd come in in the night and say I KNOW it is just that big raccoon I am haring outsie my window but..... dh was always sweet about going and sleeping in their room when that happened

[kiloyd]

What is her age?

I laid with mine on their bed, sometimes falling asleep, and then got up and went to my bed. If they woke at night I usually went to their bed.

You could also sit her with her for x amount of time then tell her you are going to the bathroom and will be right back or some other short chore. I did this with my son and would come back and he'd be asleep or I'd take longer to come back and he'd be asleep.

[JoEllen]

When I was teaching my older two to sleep in their own beds, I probably made the transition harder on myself than it needed to be, because it felt like it took forever.
It takes 21 days to create a habit. So, the first 21 days, I laid in their bed with them until they fell asleep. The second 21 days, I sat against the wall on the other side of their bedroom where they could see me, but I wasn't in their bed. The third 21 days, I sat outside their bedroom door where they couldn't see me, but I was within earshot in case they got scared. After that, they were fine to sleep in their own beds as long as they got plenty of hugs and kisses before I turned out the light.
I was exhausted by the end of it. Hopefully you'll find some advice here that isn't quite as exhausting.

[marbles]

Lucca is that way, she can take a while to fall asleep and she tends to talk and play and move around. Here are things that have helped us:

Pressure on her joints. She is sensory seeking and when she's very wiggly it means she needs to feel her body. I push all over her and that calms her down. We have a weighted blanket on the way to us for this.

Talking for a specific amount of time. Sometimes she just has things to say so we will quietly talk about them. Then when the time is up, I say ok it's time to go to sleep.

When she is not needing me there for the pressure or comfort, I will let her pick two toys and she can play quietly with them in her bed. She must be laying down and stay quiet, but she will play for a while and then fall asleep.

We haven't done this as much lately but I used to read to her. We've read lots and lots of books, I started with a children's Torah I found online, then we read the wizard of oz, dr Doolittle, Paddington books, charlottes web, bunches of books like that. Right now we are reading pride and prejudice.

Are you alone with the kids at bedtime? When I was working on getting lucca to stay in her bed all night (which was her preference, she didn't want to share a bed with dc) i picked a week daniel would be home and I would go in and lay with her every wake up and I just had daniel come wake me up. Now that I don't have an infant and am not way too tired to stay awake I play or read on my phone.

[Chaos Coordinator]

I told my 5yo if he sleeps in his own bed for two weeks I'd buy him skylanders

He's still sad some days. He's not sure it's worth it. But he is trying. This is a bed in our room, mind you. He's not ready to move down the hall yet.