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Unprepared for Parenting (Ezzos, Pearls, Etc.) *Public* Support and information for those affected by the Ezzos, the Pearls, and other punitive and adversarial methods of child-rearing. A public forum. Before posting here, please read this sticky and keep guideline 23 in mind:
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03-15-2010, 06:32 PM | #1 |
Rose Garden
The Lion Cub
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: Northern Arizona
Posts: 10,798
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So why is it...
... That there are so many legalistic, punitive books out there on how to raise your kids - especially in the Christian community? (Although DH points out that similar philosophies can be found in Islamic and Bhuddist teachings.)
Why do so many parents accept the advice? What deep need are parents trying to fulfill by reading/applying the information in these books?
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The Imaginative Adventurer (4.5 yo) "I'm going to rescue you!" and The Lion Cub (1 yo)- Smart, cute, strong, and unstoppable! Sister to BlessedBlue forever Co-Founder and Lead Writer at Food Allergies On Ice |
03-15-2010, 06:33 PM | #2 |
Deactivated
GCM, thanks for the memories.
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Re: So why is it...
Good question.
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03-15-2010, 06:37 PM | #3 |
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dd running through the sprinkler last summer
Join Date: Feb 2007
Posts: 7,345
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Re: So why is it...
Perfection. Getting it "Right". Godliness- (see perfection.) At least, that's what I'm trying to do, I'm just trying to do it AP style. We have to come to the hard realization that we aren't perfect. And that life is messy.
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03-15-2010, 06:55 PM | #4 |
Rose Garden
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: North Eastern CA
Posts: 9,119
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Re: So why is it...
I dont know but it is so sad!
Your dh has found that kind of philosophy toward children in Buddhist teachings?! I am really surprised!
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~Emily INTJ, Type 4 Wife to D Mama to: E 12/05 L 7/08 Z 12/10 A 6/14 and J in heaven 2/10 Torah Keeping, Unschooling Family My blog on unschooling and family life: Peace On Dark Nights. |
03-15-2010, 07:19 PM | #5 |
Rose Garden
Have you ever heard a fly roar? Listen carefully!
Join Date: Mar 2005
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Re: So why is it...
Well, you asked for my opinion...
Because of sin.
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03-15-2010, 07:31 PM | #6 |
Administrator
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Posts: 34,571
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Re: So why is it...
It is easier to take what feels like practical advice (do this, don't do this, let them do x, but not y) than to set down to the real work of relationship parenting and the abstract idea of 'living out your faith'. We are in some ways about check lists and authoritian answers. Non-legalistic parenting requires us to grow, requires us to sacrific, requires us to be so involved in a relationship that we can see the other persons point of view - even if we need help from parents further along the jouney to talk us through our fine tuning process.
What legalistic parenting can never duplicate or replace is the powerful blessing that is being able to teach your child by example what it means to follow Christ to the best of your ability in all parts of your life.
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Elizabeth "Truth without love is divisive and hurtful & love without truth is anemic"--Pastor Estep Arise, cry out in the night...pour out your heart like water in the presence of the Lord; Lift up your hands to him for the lives of your children..; Lamentations 2:19 |
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03-15-2010, 08:15 PM | #7 | ||
Rose Garden
The Lion Cub
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: Northern Arizona
Posts: 10,798
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Re: So why is it...
Quote:
Well, yeah, of course it's because of sin... That's not really the answer I was looking for, though... So why does the Christian community train us to stop thinking? Shouldn't Christians be the very ones encouraging others to think? Quote:
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The Imaginative Adventurer (4.5 yo) "I'm going to rescue you!" and The Lion Cub (1 yo)- Smart, cute, strong, and unstoppable! Sister to BlessedBlue forever Co-Founder and Lead Writer at Food Allergies On Ice |
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03-15-2010, 08:47 PM | #8 | |
Rose Garden
Have you ever heard a fly roar? Listen carefully!
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: Walking with broken bootstraps...
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Re: So why is it...
Quote:
We should be the ones encouraging others to think! TRUTH should be able to withstand any scrutiny, right?
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03-15-2010, 09:01 PM | #9 |
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"Knitting is Mama's job"
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Re: So why is it...
I think there is such a fear of not raising godly children that "we" put rules and regulations and think that if "we" can control our children then it will be easy peasy. And "we" will look like "good" Christians if our children are behaving and are controlled.
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03-15-2010, 11:10 PM | #10 |
Rose Garden
Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: Northwest of Orlando.
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Re: So why is it...
All legalism stems from a desire to have control. If I do xyz so that in return God will love me, I am in control of what God does. If I parent according to xyz so that my children will be xyz, I am in control of who my children become. There's no rest or peace in that control, no joy or contentment. It's a constant fight.
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03-16-2010, 07:27 PM | #11 |
Rose Garden
grace is for mamas too
Join Date: Aug 2009
Location: Seattle
Posts: 20,033
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Re: So why is it...
I think....(and I'm not normally like this)....that it's Satan's work.
CS Lewis does such a great job in Screwtape Letters trying to "get in" at Satan's mind. I think many of the points Lewis makes about different areas of Christianity could be applied to Christian parenting... ....make parents think they have control, in order to turn them away from God.... ....use parents to demonstrate violence and hate, in order to turn kids away from God.... ....use parents to turn others away from God, by "parenting" in God's name.... ....use the fear of the world to keep their kids insulated, so that the spread of Christianity can be slowed/stopped..... I honestly think that the majority of punitive Christian parents are deceived.
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03-16-2010, 07:37 PM | #12 |
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Re: So why is it...
Well first of all, it is based on assumptions. We assume that spanking is in the bible because "all" christians believe that, and are hence suspicious and even closed to testing their beliefs in this area. A herd mentality.
It fits in with our desire to have control. It appeals to our sinfulness and sanctions outbursts of wrath. It provides a "solution" |
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03-17-2010, 01:20 PM | #13 |
Rose Trellis
Join Date: Jan 2006
Posts: 2,895
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Re: So why is it...
Along with the other reasons, the one I see the most often is pride. The more control we have, the better we look on the outside, the more 'together' our family seems, the more accolades we get from other humans. Rather than getting our worth from Jesus, we are searching for it from fellow man. And the way to get it from man is to 'look better'. Part of that is total control over children, since punitive parents take full responsibility for the choices their children make. Every single punitive parent I know is looking for acceptance from someone. And I think THAT comes from being punitively parented themselves, they are seeking the power/control that was taken from them as children.
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03-17-2010, 01:29 PM | #14 | |
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Beware the gorgon, she's having a bad hair day
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Re: So why is it...
Quote:
I think that we look too much to the outward when judging another's Christianity (I mean we in the loose sense of the word, not the ladies here at gcm). So if someone has "wild" children then surely they aren't walking the walk. Perfect parents don't have kids with addiction problems or daughters that get pregnant as teens. Good Christians don't have tattoos or weird piercings or dye their hair pink. There is a box that is kind of the standard Christian look and the way our kids behave is a part of that box. I don't think I'm saying what I'm thinking. Or at least I'm not saying it clearly. But ashermom said a lot of what I'm trying to say, so I'll stop here. |
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03-17-2010, 05:01 PM | #15 | |
Rose Trellis
Join Date: Feb 2007
Posts: 3,155
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Re: So why is it...
Quote:
I agree. Especially with your last sentence, which I think is a big, big, problem. More so right now, because we have all these "gurus" offering "the perfect child IF you do as I say". |
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