Unprepared for Parenting (Ezzos, Pearls, Etc.) *Public*Support and information for those affected by the Ezzos, the Pearls, and other punitive and adversarial methods of child-rearing. A public forum. Before posting here, please read this sticky and keep guideline 23 in mind:
23. No posts harshly dissecting parenting moments of others since we desire to humbly cultivate a heart attitude of grace and not judgment towards other mamas. We all struggle at times as parents and have much to learn, and GCM's focus is to provide tools and information for each of us to parent more effectively. Posts voicing some frustration regarding choices made by others can be okay, but it needs to be within the overall context of seeking understanding or ideas for better responses in the future.
I've read only the first two pages of replies, but wanted to say,
I didn't really realise spanking (well, hand-slapping) wasn't working until I stopped It's partly what some others here have said: seeing what I wanted to see. It's also that it did 'work' (stop the undesired behaviour) *some of the time*.
I started reading about clicker training about the same time I discovered GD (unrelated, just coincidence) and they talk a lot about behaviourist models (of course - they're animal trainers). So you can encourage a behaviour by using rewards or punishments, but the *most effective* way is to use 'intermittent rewards'. Generally they wouldn't try to teach this to an amateur trainer, though, 'cause it's not easy to get right, and continual rewards works perfectly well.
The thing is, when my son was *sometimes* responding to punishment the way I wanted, that was giving *me* intermittent reward for the hand-slapping - thus encouraging me to keep trying to figure out how to make it 'work' all the time - but I believed, and would have said, that it was working
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Our blossoms: DS "Little Bear" Apr '07 - The negotiator
DD "Miss Muffett" Nov '08 "Don't tell Daddy..."
DS "Mouse" Jan '12 "I Soup Baby, Man of steel! "
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"Believe in yourself. Trust your instincts. Unless your instincts are terrible." Vitruvius, The LEGO Movie.
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