how do these two things differ?

11-29-2005, 04:29 AM

just reading another thread and i got to wondering.....

how do these two things differ?
1. someone is getting defensive when i explain why i homeschool/ co-sleep/ etc

2. i am passing the bean dip to someone questioning my choices.

are we in danger of pushing our side when we don't want others to push theirs?
i'm probably only speaking of myself here

of course, but wondering how to recognise when i am overstepping the boundary on either side of the coin..... iyswim.......

MarynMunchkins · 11-29-2005, 05:57 AM

Well, sure...we all want to convert people to the dark side.

I think the key is to recognize the bean dip and move on when people clearly aren't interested.

CelticJourney · 11-29-2005, 07:36 AM

Just my perspective....

1. someone is getting defensive when i explain why i homeschool/ co-sleep/ etc

If they asked you why you do those things, then it is them becoming defensive because they see your choices as a challenge to their choice. If they didn't ask you, then they see the discussion as disapproval of their choices by you. I rarely bring up homeschooling among non-homeschoolers, same as I don't discuss staying-home among work-outside-the-home moms (unless I know them really well) - it's asking for hard feelings. On the other hand, few people at church, etc. don't know that I homeschool or about my general parenting style, so if they want to talk about it, they will usually ask direct, but polite questions.

2. i am passing the bean dip to someone questioning my choices.

This is choosing to not engage someone about an issue that might become argumentative. It's choosing not to explain yourself because you know they are not interested in truly listening and you will end up becoming defensive and feeling will be hurt. (choosing not to 'play the game')

My girls are almost 11 and 8, so the days of 'challenge the young mother' are long gone and a couple of people have faced the 'mother bear'

so it does get easier.

milkmommy · 11-29-2005, 08:04 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by MarynMunchkins

Well, sure...we all want to convert people to the dark side.

I think the key is to recognize the bean dip and move on when people clearly aren't interested.

I agree, so if someone asks me for instance why I coslept I will say why if it gets to the point the asker is feeling attacked (even if its not my intention) than I need to give a quick its what works for us and respectfully let it go, because noone likes to be guilted or humiliated and thats not my goal.

Deanna

11-29-2005, 04:29 AM	#1
mrsramjet Guest Posts: n/a	how do these two things differ? just reading another thread and i got to wondering..... how do these two things differ? 1. someone is getting defensive when i explain why i homeschool/ co-sleep/ etc 2. i am passing the bean dip to someone questioning my choices. are we in danger of pushing our side when we don't want others to push theirs? i'm probably only speaking of myself here of course, but wondering how to recognise when i am overstepping the boundary on either side of the coin..... iyswim.......

11-29-2005, 05:57 AM	#2
MarynMunchkins Deactivated Join Date: Mar 2005 Posts: 38,127	Re: how do these two things differ? Well, sure...we all want to convert people to the dark side. I think the key is to recognize the bean dip and move on when people clearly aren't interested.

11-29-2005, 07:36 AM	#3
CelticJourney Administrator Join Date: Mar 2005 Posts: 34,569	Re: how do these two things differ? Just my perspective.... 1. someone is getting defensive when i explain why i homeschool/ co-sleep/ etc If they asked you why you do those things, then it is them becoming defensive because they see your choices as a challenge to their choice. If they didn't ask you, then they see the discussion as disapproval of their choices by you. I rarely bring up homeschooling among non-homeschoolers, same as I don't discuss staying-home among work-outside-the-home moms (unless I know them really well) - it's asking for hard feelings. On the other hand, few people at church, etc. don't know that I homeschool or about my general parenting style, so if they want to talk about it, they will usually ask direct, but polite questions. 2. i am passing the bean dip to someone questioning my choices. This is choosing to not engage someone about an issue that might become argumentative. It's choosing not to explain yourself because you know they are not interested in truly listening and you will end up becoming defensive and feeling will be hurt. (choosing not to 'play the game') My girls are almost 11 and 8, so the days of 'challenge the young mother' are long gone and a couple of people have faced the 'mother bear' so it does get easier. __________________ Elizabeth "Truth without love is divisive and hurtful & love without truth is anemic"--Pastor Estep Arise, cry out in the night...pour out your heart like water in the presence of the Lord; Lift up your hands to him for the lives of your children..; Lamentations 2:19

X vBulletin 3.8.3 Debug Information
Page Generation 0.06682 seconds Memory Usage 7,629KB Queries Executed 16 (?)
More Information
Template Usage: (1)SHOWTHREAD (1)ad_footer_end (1)ad_footer_start (1)ad_header_end (1)ad_header_logo (1)ad_navbar_below (1)ad_showthread_beforeqr (1)ad_showthread_firstpost (1)ad_showthread_firstpost_sig (1)ad_showthread_firstpost_start (1)bbcode_quote (1)cyb_flashimagebanners (1)footer (1)forumjump (1)forumrules (1)gobutton (1)header (1)headinclude (1)navbar (3)navbar_link (60)option (4)post_groan_box (1)post_groan_javascript (1)post_groan_navbar_search (4)post_thanks_box (1)post_thanks_javascript (1)post_thanks_navbar_search (4)postbit_legacy (3)postbit_onlinestatus (33)postbit_reputation (4)postbit_wrapper (4)showthread_bookmarksite (1)smqre_editor_button (1)spacer_close (1)spacer_open (1)tagbit_wrapper Phrase Groups Available: global inlinemod postbit posting reputationlevel showthread	Included Files: ./showthread.php ./global.php ./includes/init.php ./includes/class_core.php ./includes/config.php ./includes/functions.php ./includes/class_hook.php ./includes/functions_notice.php ./mobiquo/smartbanner.php ./mobiquo/include/classTTConnection.php ./mobiquo/smartbanner/head.inc.php ./includes/functions_bigthree.php ./includes/class_postbit.php ./includes/class_bbcode.php ./includes/functions_reputation.php ./includes/adminfunctions_template.php ./includes/functions_misc.php ./includes/functions_post_thanks.php ./includes/functions_post_groan.php Hooks Called: init_startup cache_permissions fetch_threadinfo_query fetch_threadinfo fetch_foruminfo style_fetch cache_templates global_start parse_templates fetch_musername notices_check_start global_setup_complete showthread_start template_groups template_safe_functions template_compile showthread_getinfo forumjump showthread_post_start showthread_query_postids showthread_query bbcode_fetch_tags bbcode_create showthread_postbit_create postbit_factory postbit_display_start post_thanks_function_post_thanks_off_start post_thanks_function_post_thanks_off_end post_thanks_function_fetch_thanks_start post_thanks_function_fetch_thanks_end post_thanks_function_thanked_already_start post_thanks_function_thanked_already_end post_groan_function_post_groan_off_start post_groan_function_post_groan_off_end post_groan_function_fetch_groans_start post_groan_function_fetch_groans_end post_groan_function_groaned_already_start post_groan_function_groaned_already_end bbcode_parse_start bbcode_parse_complete_precache bbcode_parse_complete postbit_display_complete error_fetch reputation_image postbit_imicons tag_fetchbit_complete forumrules showthread_bookmarkbit navbits navbits_complete showthread_complete
Messages: