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Unprepared for Parenting (Ezzos, Pearls, Etc.) *Public* Support and information for those affected by the Ezzos, the Pearls, and other punitive and adversarial methods of child-rearing. A public forum. Before posting here, please read this sticky and keep guideline 23 in mind:
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03-16-2006, 01:38 PM | #16 |
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Peace be with you.
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: the sweet sunny south
Posts: 15,346
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Re: Death linked to Pearls' advice--sensitive
You know, what I would want to point out to someone who finds it convincing that Michael Pearl always whacked himself before using the switch on a child (as described in the last paragraph of the article) is that it's NOT the individual whacks that are so dangerous to parents and children. It's the teaching that parents continue to switch and repeatedly switch until they achieve complete rulership over the child. It's the anger that rises up in parents as they start to feel that their child is bucking the regime, and the tool they have is to spank the child into submission.
I know the Pearls are big on relationship building (string-tying and all that) but while THEY may have been able to whack their children dispassionately and repeatedly from room to room as the book describes and remained emotionally cozy with their children, normal parents are probably going to experience emotional distancing and anger. Now...as Betsy points out....add in the fact that this was a foster child. |
03-16-2006, 01:43 PM | #17 |
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Re: Death linked to Pearls' advice--sensitive
You are totally correct, Kathy. Over time, I had a stronger relationship with my stepmom, and my physical abuse was not as severe as my brother's. He never really "attached" to her, he was attached to me and our dad, and her punishment/control of him interferred with his ability to attach to her (makes *total* sense to me!)... over time the abuse, both physical, emotional and other abuse just got worse and worse because there was just an attempt on my stepmom's part to "control" him but no real loving relationship present.
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03-16-2006, 01:45 PM | #18 | |||
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Yeah, it's winter here ...
Join Date: May 2005
Location: *Wis*consin
Posts: 11,903
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Re: Death linked to Pearls' advice--sensitive
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I printed this out to my disk for future reference, for anyone who says these methods are not harmful! Quote:
I hope the Pearls are investigated over this -- you wouldn't be allowed to strike an animal with plumbing line, I bet, and they not only advised parents on using this material, they also told parents where to get it!!! |
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03-16-2006, 01:49 PM | #19 |
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Posts: 7,691
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Re: Death linked to Pearls' advice--sensitive
My heart is just breaking. That poor little boy. It makes me SO angry that the Pearl's and Ezzo's and Tripp's and Dobson's of the world can write this stuff and then act as if they don't promote this kind of thing and the problem lies in the parent's application of it. Truly TTUAC is a child abuse manual and I hope and pray that someday they are held legally liable for the parents that follow it to the letter like this mom apparently did with this being the result.
On a purely selfish note, the one thing that really bugs me about this article is that it makes it sound like the homeschool community and the evangelical community is some homegenous whole that follows idiots like this. |
03-16-2006, 02:16 PM | #20 |
Climbing Rose
Join Date: Mar 2005
Posts: 1,014
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Re: Death linked to Pearls' advice--sensitive
Teribear, IKWYM. Sometimes I feel like just randomly saying to people, "You know, we don't spank our kids." Just so more folks will hear of the concept.
I don't know what to do. Do any of you mamas know if there will be any consequences for the Pearls? Weren't they already investigated once, with nothing being found? Does that mean they can't be investigated again?
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Amy ~ Mike\'s wife and homeschooling mama of 4 boys |
03-16-2006, 02:33 PM | #21 | |
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Yeah, it's winter here ...
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Location: *Wis*consin
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Re: Death linked to Pearls' advice--sensitive
Quote:
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03-16-2006, 02:40 PM | #22 | |
Rose Garden
sisters!
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: Sunniest place on Earth and hotter than Phoenix! Might as well be sitting on the sun...
Posts: 35,300
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Re: Death linked to Pearls' advice--sensitive
quote]"[The Pearls] are talking about something that would fit in a purse," Suarez said. "The only way you can kill a child with that is by shoving it down his throat." a gun knife enough rope to strangle a person ect fit into a purse :/ Quote:
Deanna
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03-16-2006, 02:55 PM | #23 | |
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Re: Death linked to Pearls' advice--sensitive
Not to quibble. . . ..but, since when do 2-foot lengths of pipe fit inside a purse? A 'normal' purse anyway. And hitting someone long enough with just about anything that can cause pain *can* kill.
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The evil will be found out. . .it always is. And it seems to be starting. . . usually things like this get shoved under the carpet. |
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03-16-2006, 02:57 PM | #24 |
Rose Garden
Join Date: Jun 2005
Posts: 3,890
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Re: Death linked to Pearls' advice--sensitive
Most parents I know spank their kids on occassion, but they would never think to go that far. Where was the mother's internal guiding that said, "Seriously, this isn't right." So the Pearls suggest 10 strikes, but if your child is bruised, what are you doing? If her child was unresponsive, beaten to death, why didn't she realize what was happening well before she got to that point? Why didn't she stop?
I don't care what some child-rearing manual says, you have to use some common sense. I don't even do the Bear Hug anymore with dd b/c it freaks her out to be confined, and I saw how it affected her, stopped doing it, and used other ideas from the 5 steps that work better with her. I am saddened for the children, angry that the Pearls get praised in Christian cirlces for their abuse manuals, and baffled that a mother who supposedly had "good" intentions wouldn't stop when she saw the pain the child was going through.
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Growing in grace with my dh (2000) and my precious children - dd (2004) and ds (2006) and dd2 (2008) and ds2 (2011) |
03-16-2006, 03:07 PM | #25 |
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Re: Death linked to Pearls' advice--sensitive
That poor, poor beautiful little boy |
03-16-2006, 03:20 PM | #26 |
Rose Garden
Join Date: May 2005
Posts: 4,088
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Re: Death linked to Pearls' advice--sensitive
The article said something about him being wrapped tight in a blanket where he suffocated. What is that all about? Is that a different method they suggest or was this something the mom came up with?
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Julie Wife to Ray anniversary 08/24/1996 & 08/06/2010 Learning how to eat Paleo. And mom to Joshua 16 yr old ds (SID, borderline anxiety disorder, High Functioning on the Autistic spectrum) Kaitlyn 13yr old dd Emily 11 yrs old dd (SID) Bethany 9 yrs old dd Homeschooling mom |
03-16-2006, 03:30 PM | #27 |
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Re: Death linked to Pearls' advice--sensitive
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03-16-2006, 03:45 PM | #28 |
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Re: Death linked to Pearls' advice--sensitive
That is the saddest most disgusting thing I've read in a very long time.
"beat so badly he limped?" Good heavens, may God have mercy on that mother's soul. Mat 18:6 But whoso shall offend one of these little ones which believe in me, it were better for him that a millstone were hanged about his neck, and [that] he were drowned in the depth of the sea. [KJV] |
03-16-2006, 03:49 PM | #29 | |
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Yeah, it's winter here ...
Join Date: May 2005
Location: *Wis*consin
Posts: 11,903
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Re: Death linked to Pearls' advice--sensitive
Here is The Message version of that verse:
Quote:
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03-16-2006, 03:56 PM | #30 |
Rose Garden
Join Date: Mar 2005
Posts: 17,568
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Re: Death linked to Pearls' advice--sensitive
Poor, poor baby...and all those babies living this right now. I cannot even fathom how a mother could do this to her child.
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Marcella Wife, Mom, Counselor Married and standing firmly with my love since 1994, mama to farmer girl (21) princess lionheart (16), and dandelion queen (11) ~infp~ Our God is Healer, Awesome in Power!
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