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Unprepared for Parenting (Ezzos, Pearls, Etc.) *Public* Support and information for those affected by the Ezzos, the Pearls, and other punitive and adversarial methods of child-rearing. A public forum. Before posting here, please read this sticky and keep guideline 23 in mind:
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02-10-2006, 07:37 PM | #46 |
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Join Date: Mar 2005
Posts: 5,871
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Re: How can I make the switch from the Pearls to GCM?
glad you are here!
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02-10-2006, 07:45 PM | #47 | |
Rose Garden
Join Date: Jan 2006
Posts: 25,657
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Re: How can I make the switch from the Pearls to GCM?
Quote:
I have been reading "Successful Parenting" by Dr. Sears and his wife..... I think that it would bless you. I got it at the library. I enjoyed that it gave ways to connect and ways to teach things that isn't just instilling the fear so that they obey. Maybe at first the Pearls way seems better because it may indeed produce a quicker outcome of quiet compliant children, but that's not the real goal in parenting, right? We want to produce healthy children who can make the right choices because they are the right choices and not because they fear punishment. I remind myself of that when I am around someone who starts boasting about their parenting in terms of how "compliant" their child is.... in 20 years you will be so glad that you switched to a new way.
__________________
Mommy to: Ds (9.5), Dd (7), Ds2 (6), and Ds3 (4.5). |
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02-10-2006, 07:45 PM | #48 | |
Rose Garden
Join Date: Jan 2006
Posts: 25,657
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Re: How can I make the switch from the Pearls to GCM?
Quote:
I have been reading "Successful Parenting" by Dr. Sears and his wife..... I think that it would bless you. I got it at the library. I enjoyed that it gave ways to connect and ways to teach things that isn't just instilling the fear so that they obey. Maybe at first the Pearls way seems better because it may indeed produce a quicker outcome of quiet compliant children, but that's not the real goal in parenting, right? We want to produce healthy children who can make the right choices because they are the right choices and not because they fear punishment. I remind myself of that when I am around someone who starts boasting about their parenting in terms of how "compliant" their child is.... in 20 years you will be so glad that you switched to a new way.
__________________
Mommy to: Ds (9.5), Dd (7), Ds2 (6), and Ds3 (4.5). |
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02-10-2006, 08:38 PM | #49 |
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Posts: n/a
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Re: How can I make the switch from the Pearls to GCM?
Thank you!
I love that concept of being on the same team. I ran Track and CC in HS. Those were special years for me. I counted on my team mates support, encouragement, and friendship. Our bond ws stronger than iron. That gave me a great idea!!! We used to write notes to each other before a game that basically said how much we like the other person and what we knew they needed to hear for that particular week. With the note, we always had a goodie bag that that person could enjoy. I am going to do that every week for my kids! A note and a special goodie bag! My mom spanked me, and I *still* flinch if I am around an angry person or during a heated arguement. It does lasting damage. Could this be why I avoid conflics? I was spanked, too. Every day, it seemed. I was abused some times, too. The horrible memories...I love my mom, but she crossed the lime too many times. (She has asked my forgiveness and is a great mom now, but she really blew it when I was a little girl!) Why do we spank???? WHY? OK, I know the instant benefits for the adults. I know. I am there. But, I wa't REAL relationship. I am very AP-minded, so I made sure I am very invested in my children. We have a great bond. Once I began to see Chris's redemtion in my life, I realized that hitting my children just conflicted with how Chris treats me. i knew something had to change. I'll bring this up in another post...Christ redemption and the gospel! |
02-10-2006, 08:38 PM | #50 |
Guest
Posts: n/a
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Re: How can I make the switch from the Pearls to GCM?
Thank you!
I love that concept of being on the same team. I ran Track and CC in HS. Those were special years for me. I counted on my team mates support, encouragement, and friendship. Our bond ws stronger than iron. That gave me a great idea!!! We used to write notes to each other before a game that basically said how much we like the other person and what we knew they needed to hear for that particular week. With the note, we always had a goodie bag that that person could enjoy. I am going to do that every week for my kids! A note and a special goodie bag! My mom spanked me, and I *still* flinch if I am around an angry person or during a heated arguement. It does lasting damage. Could this be why I avoid conflics? I was spanked, too. Every day, it seemed. I was abused some times, too. The horrible memories...I love my mom, but she crossed the lime too many times. (She has asked my forgiveness and is a great mom now, but she really blew it when I was a little girl!) Why do we spank???? WHY? OK, I know the instant benefits for the adults. I know. I am there. But, I wa't REAL relationship. I am very AP-minded, so I made sure I am very invested in my children. We have a great bond. Once I began to see Chris's redemtion in my life, I realized that hitting my children just conflicted with how Chris treats me. i knew something had to change. I'll bring this up in another post...Christ redemption and the gospel! |
02-10-2006, 08:53 PM | #51 |
Rose Garden
Join Date: Jan 2006
Posts: 25,657
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Re: How can I make the switch from the Pearls to GCM?
If you are already AP minded then you will really like Dr. Sears stuff
__________________
Mommy to: Ds (9.5), Dd (7), Ds2 (6), and Ds3 (4.5). |
02-10-2006, 08:53 PM | #52 |
Rose Garden
Join Date: Jan 2006
Posts: 25,657
|
Re: How can I make the switch from the Pearls to GCM?
If you are already AP minded then you will really like Dr. Sears stuff
__________________
Mommy to: Ds (9.5), Dd (7), Ds2 (6), and Ds3 (4.5). |
02-10-2006, 09:01 PM | #53 |
Deactivated
Join Date: Mar 2005
Posts: 38,127
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Re: How can I make the switch from the Pearls to G
I have to tell you that I can see, just from these few posts, how God is working in your heart and repairing your relationship with your children.
I'm so glad you're here. My mom gave me TTUAC and told me to use it to break my children's will. Thankfully, I wasn't very deeply into it before I started searching for something that seemed better. GCM is the biggest blessing I could have asked for. It taught me what to do when I determined not to spank. I haven't spanked in forever. Ask lots of questions. Everyone here likes to offer help. |
02-10-2006, 09:01 PM | #54 |
Deactivated
Join Date: Mar 2005
Posts: 38,127
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Re: How can I make the switch from the Pearls to G
I have to tell you that I can see, just from these few posts, how God is working in your heart and repairing your relationship with your children.
I'm so glad you're here. My mom gave me TTUAC and told me to use it to break my children's will. Thankfully, I wasn't very deeply into it before I started searching for something that seemed better. GCM is the biggest blessing I could have asked for. It taught me what to do when I determined not to spank. I haven't spanked in forever. Ask lots of questions. Everyone here likes to offer help. |
02-10-2006, 09:02 PM | #55 |
Rose Garden
I am so blessed!
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: somewhere between sane and crazy
Posts: 26,922
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Re: How can I make the switch from the Pearls to GCM?
lt for leading you away from that sickness and over to GCM
__________________
Sara Wife to Love of my life 8/98 Momma to my precious children: N 17 years, P 13 years, O 5 years! Remembering our babies: 12/98 9/99 12/09 1/17 |
02-10-2006, 09:02 PM | #56 |
Rose Garden
I am so blessed!
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: somewhere between sane and crazy
Posts: 26,922
|
Re: How can I make the switch from the Pearls to GCM?
lt for leading you away from that sickness and over to GCM
__________________
Sara Wife to Love of my life 8/98 Momma to my precious children: N 17 years, P 13 years, O 5 years! Remembering our babies: 12/98 9/99 12/09 1/17 |
02-11-2006, 07:45 AM | #57 |
Deactivated
Yeah, it's winter here ...
Join Date: May 2005
Location: *Wis*consin
Posts: 11,903
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Re: How can I make the switch from the Pearls to GCM?
Welcome and that you are seeing some successes!
Remember too that there will be some ingrained mindsets that you need to prayerfully work your way out of, such as viewing children as animals that are to obey on the first command otherwise are to be struck -- I know that MP often compares children to dogs and mules and doesn't truly see them as the wonderful creatures full of curiosity that our Lord has made them to be. You have received wonderful advice on this board, and I encourage you to stick with GBD -- you will have days where it doesn't seem to work, but do focus on the bigger picture and see the long-term positive effects of it! Burn the Pearl materials so there will be no possibility of going back to them. |
02-11-2006, 07:45 AM | #58 |
Deactivated
Yeah, it's winter here ...
Join Date: May 2005
Location: *Wis*consin
Posts: 11,903
|
Re: How can I make the switch from the Pearls to GCM?
Welcome and that you are seeing some successes!
Remember too that there will be some ingrained mindsets that you need to prayerfully work your way out of, such as viewing children as animals that are to obey on the first command otherwise are to be struck -- I know that MP often compares children to dogs and mules and doesn't truly see them as the wonderful creatures full of curiosity that our Lord has made them to be. You have received wonderful advice on this board, and I encourage you to stick with GBD -- you will have days where it doesn't seem to work, but do focus on the bigger picture and see the long-term positive effects of it! Burn the Pearl materials so there will be no possibility of going back to them. |
02-11-2006, 08:36 AM | #59 | |
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Join Date: Mar 2005
Posts: 5,796
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Re: How can I make the switch from the Pearls to GCM?
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02-11-2006, 08:36 AM | #60 | |
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Posts: 5,796
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Re: How can I make the switch from the Pearls to GCM?
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