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11-26-2007, 09:18 PM | #1 |
Rose Garden
Join Date: Aug 2007
Posts: 5,508
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Punishment vs. Natural/logical consequences
Since we are still very new to GBD I am still having a really hard time figuring out this whole concept. I keep thinking in punishment terms and it is clouding my ability to tell if I am punishing or if I am allowing natural or logical consequences. And since my immediate mental reaction to a kid related problem is to want to punish, I just end up confused and more angry by the time I actually figure out what might be a logical consequence. I think that I am still being either punitive or permissive most of the time. I am confused!
Here are some examples and how I handled them... 1. The kids are beating each other and screaming over a toy that they both want. This usually involves the 2 and 4 yr olds, but may sometimes involve the oldest. Unless I can clearly see that someone has been wronged (the toy was directly grabbed out of one child's hand by another child, or it is a very special or new toy), I have been just taking the toy and saying that we will not play with anything that is going to cause problems between people, the other person is more important than the need or desire to have the toy. 2. The kids know that dinner will be ready any minute, they have been told, they have washed their hands and can see that the table is set. They are, however, in the middle of building with their Knexs and do not want to stop when the food is placed on the table. So after I have told them 3, 4, 5 times to sit down and they continue to tell me to wait/ignore me, I tell them that they may no longer play with the Knexs after dinner. I think that I did also warn them while saying for the second or third time that it was time to sit down at the table. I feel like when I say something like this, though, that I am threatening them. 3. While we were eating out the other day my 4 yr old discovered that I had ordered him lemonade instead of root beer. He started screaming so loudly that the entire resturant could hear him "You never listen to me! I said I wanted root beer! You never listen to me!" over and over and over and he was crying and really upset. I had no idea what to do. It was very frustrating. Eventually I told him to get up because I was going to take him to the car and then my dh came and told him that he could have a refill of rootbeer after he drank the lemonade, then he calmed down, but I completely don't feel like we handled it right. 4. So finally I will say that all 3 kids have just had terrible attitudes lately and have been screaming at each other and me and dh and anyone else who comes near them. What do I do with a screaming, kicking 2 or 4 yr old? Often the things that cause the screaming are, in my mind, ridiculous. It feels like they are just making things up to scream about - especially the 2 yr old. And I often cannot pick her up, which may or may not work, depending on the instance, because we are in a hurry to do something (ie. get the oldest to school or meet someone somewhere). I also just won't pick her up because I am just not going to put the baby down every 10 minutes and interrupt him nursing again. She has been screaming all the time and I feel that I need to just draw the line and say no more screaming!
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aka, mamacheetah, Nicole wife to one daydreamer mama to seven - six boys with a girl in there somewhere
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11-26-2007, 09:26 PM | #2 |
Deactivated
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: State of Grace
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Re: Punishment vs. Natural/logical consequences
1. fine - that's totally logical
2. playful parenting might benefit you... last one to the table is a rotten egg works well here. 3. did you acknowledge his feelings? i usually whisper in ds's ear, "baby, momma is sorry. you wanted root beer. breathe with me in... out... we'lll fix it baby... in.. out... you are sooo sad at momma. 4. screaming is for outside. inside we use inside voices. repeat ad nauseum. |
11-26-2007, 09:38 PM | #3 | ||
Rose Garden
Join Date: Aug 2007
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Re: Punishment vs. Natural/logical consequences
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aka, mamacheetah, Nicole wife to one daydreamer mama to seven - six boys with a girl in there somewhere
B 8/99 O1 5/03 V 6/05 M 7/07 L 11/10 H 11/12 O2 11/15 |
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11-26-2007, 09:39 PM | #4 |
Rose Garden
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Re: Punishment vs. Natural/logical consequences
1) fine logical and appropiate a firm rule we have here is people are more important than things.
2) that falls into permissive don't ask "more than once" (diffrent from repeating for clarity) wash hands sit down and make it a non issue playful parenting can help for sure 3) First scream look at her dirrectly in the eye and say No ma'am you do NOT scream. reflect feeling and remove from situation if needed. 4) rules on indoor voices and make sure she is getting her special time
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Deanna wife to Shawn since 2001 mom to a young adult Cecilia , tween Margaret and three I will hold one day in heaven. |
11-26-2007, 09:41 PM | #5 |
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Re: Punishment vs. Natural/logical consequences
Put her outside. I very nicely would pick Sam up and move him outside if he was stuck, with the words, "Screaming is for outside."
Caveats include a safe spot for littles to be outside, your own child's personality etc. it worked for us tho. YMMV |
11-26-2007, 09:41 PM | #6 |
Rose Garden
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Re: Punishment vs. Natural/logical consequences
obsessive screaming and mine gets put in her room. IF shes "needs" to scream then she can do it away from us. We find that once her audience is gone it looses its appeal. Its a logical conquence.
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Deanna wife to Shawn since 2001 mom to a young adult Cecilia , tween Margaret and three I will hold one day in heaven. |
11-26-2007, 09:42 PM | #7 |
Rose Garden
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Re: Punishment vs. Natural/logical consequences
I don't allow "screaming" outside eaither the neighbors don't need to hear that eaither..
Deanna
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Deanna wife to Shawn since 2001 mom to a young adult Cecilia , tween Margaret and three I will hold one day in heaven. |
11-26-2007, 10:08 PM | #8 | |
Rose Garden
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Re: Punishment vs. Natural/logical consequences
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11-27-2007, 10:12 AM | #9 | |
Rose Garden
Join Date: Aug 2007
Posts: 5,508
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Re: Punishment vs. Natural/logical consequences
Quote:
Today my 4 yr is being very difficult/defiant. Nothing out of the ordinary for him or all that bad, but I know that he knows what he is doing and that he is testing me. He might as well just say "so what are you going to do about it" but instead he just gives me his mischief look. We had a difficult morning, lots of running around and he did lots of running - literally. And I told him to stop, but instead he just gave me that look. He picked up a chair at the doctor's office and dropped it on the floor. He continued to just try to get in the way and get in trouble. So my consequence is that he has to take a nap today. I was trying to wean him off naps because he sometimes has a hard time going to sleep at night, but he also has a hard time behaving if he does not have a nap. Ahhhhh! I am just losing it feeling like such an out of control mom.
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aka, mamacheetah, Nicole wife to one daydreamer mama to seven - six boys with a girl in there somewhere
B 8/99 O1 5/03 V 6/05 M 7/07 L 11/10 H 11/12 O2 11/15 |
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11-27-2007, 10:27 AM | #10 |
Rose Garden
sisters!
Join Date: Mar 2005
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Re: Punishment vs. Natural/logical consequences
Tantrums are allowed but mine needs to have it in her room. I will hold and comfort a distressed crying child but I need her to at least begin to calm down she is safest and most secure in her room so thats were we take our big feelings.
Try rewording some of your nos to becomes yes. Instead of stop running say lets sit over here and read a book give the what they can do instead of lots of what they shouldn't. Deanna
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Deanna wife to Shawn since 2001 mom to a young adult Cecilia , tween Margaret and three I will hold one day in heaven. |
11-27-2007, 07:44 PM | #11 | |
Rose Garden
Join Date: Aug 2007
Posts: 5,508
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Re: Punishment vs. Natural/logical consequences
Quote:
Here is another frequent situation that occurs at our house....Sweet pea is not so sweet about getting her teeth brushed. One night I sat on her in frustration and just held her mouth open. I had no idea what else to do. I have tried to be fun and make a talking toothbrush. That worked for about 3 days. I have tried reasoning and threatening. But she just refuses most days to open her mouth. And the same with diaper changes. She screams and kicks me and says she doesn't want her diaper changed. I am really losing my mind here.
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aka, mamacheetah, Nicole wife to one daydreamer mama to seven - six boys with a girl in there somewhere
B 8/99 O1 5/03 V 6/05 M 7/07 L 11/10 H 11/12 O2 11/15 |
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11-27-2007, 08:02 PM | #12 |
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Re: Punishment vs. Natural/logical consequences
Hang in there mama....no real advice except your 2 yr old won't be 2 forever....it's hard to fight everything! I remember the diaper and teeth wars.
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11-27-2007, 08:09 PM | #13 | |
Rose Garden
Join Date: Aug 2007
Posts: 5,508
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Re: Punishment vs. Natural/logical consequences
Quote:
__________________
aka, mamacheetah, Nicole wife to one daydreamer mama to seven - six boys with a girl in there somewhere
B 8/99 O1 5/03 V 6/05 M 7/07 L 11/10 H 11/12 O2 11/15 |
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11-27-2007, 10:37 PM | #14 |
Rose Garden
sisters!
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: Sunniest place on Earth and hotter than Phoenix! Might as well be sitting on the sun...
Posts: 35,300
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Re: Punishment vs. Natural/logical consequences
Yes hang in there. We did a lot of things to "help" with the diaper and teeth struggles multpile brushes (for choice) chooseing her own diaper songs allowing her to brush my teeth changing standing up toys, TV character toothpaste etc etc and they all had various degrees of success.. Some days though I just had to make it happen wet diapers resulted in severe rashes and fast and I feel oral health is important enough that if needed I would as gently as I could yet firm enough I didn't also get hurt hold her down and change or brush her teeth.
It does get better even with my late trainer it did get better and now she loves to brush her teeth Deanna
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Deanna wife to Shawn since 2001 mom to a young adult Cecilia , tween Margaret and three I will hold one day in heaven. |
11-28-2007, 10:53 AM | #15 | |
Rose Garden
Join Date: Aug 2007
Posts: 5,508
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Re: Punishment vs. Natural/logical consequences
Quote:
__________________
aka, mamacheetah, Nicole wife to one daydreamer mama to seven - six boys with a girl in there somewhere
B 8/99 O1 5/03 V 6/05 M 7/07 L 11/10 H 11/12 O2 11/15 |
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