I almost cried!

mellymommy · 12-11-2007, 12:11 PM

Today I was at my church's unofficial moms' gathering called "MOMTIME." Usually we just sit around and gab about non-mom stuff, which is a nice break from the constant mommy-ness of life. Today one mom talked about how her 5-month-old, who WAS sleeping through the night, suddenly decided to wake multiple times each night for the last few nights. She looked really tired and obviously needed help figuring out what to "do." One of the moms jumps to her feet to proclaim the goodness of Babywise. I'm not sure if anyone noticed my whole body cringe, but after she was done with her praise, I very quietly mentioned some of the negatives of the Ezzos and told the new mama to trust her instincts--not her emotions or her tired body, but her instincts. If her instincts said that her baby needed comfort and maybe a little boobie-snack, then go with that. I assured her that this will NOT last forever (but I didn't tell her that it could last years) and that she WOULD get to sleep again in this life.

Well, later in our MOMTIME the same mama tells us that she paddled her son (not sure of exact age, but elementary school aged) after she got off the phone the other day with another one of the moms because he said he didn't want her (the mom) to touch him. She said, "OH!! You don't want me to touch you?!?! Well, I'll touch you where you will really feel it!"

Again, a full-body cringe. I didn't say anything because ALL the moms with "spanking-age" children started talking about their funny spanking stories. I just wanted to cry and say, "Gee, I'm not sure what you taught your son except that his emotions and personal boundaries are subject to your pride and anger. That sure wouldn't make me feel very safe or help me to trust you with big issues down the road"

This is the VERY first time I have witnessed first-hand casualness toward spanking and the "littleness" of children. My heart is just aching for that boy!

allisonintx · 12-11-2007, 12:13 PM

CelticJourney · 12-11-2007, 01:12 PM

It's hard to see it played out before you.

klpmommy · 12-11-2007, 01:25 PM

mybodymyself · 12-11-2007, 01:34 PM

pastelsummer · 12-11-2007, 01:40 PM

that poor baby

12-11-2007, 01:52 PM

That poor boy. I can not understand that type of parenting at all.

blessedwithboys · 12-11-2007, 02:17 PM

I'm sorry you had to hear that. I hope they take what you said to heart.

Zooey · 12-12-2007, 06:18 AM

Poor little mite......

zak · 12-12-2007, 06:38 AM

Eek.

I'm sorry you had to witness that.

Close2MyHeart · 12-12-2007, 07:51 AM

Yuck. Why I avoid "Mom groups".

erh384 · 12-12-2007, 08:30 AM

THats aweful...

I'm sorry that happened & you had to hear all about it.

12-12-2007, 08:37 AM

'nuff said.

Joanne · 12-12-2007, 09:15 AM

Quote:

but elementary school aged) after she got off the phone the other day with another one of the moms because he said he didn't want her (the mom) to touch him. She said, "OH!! You don't want me to touch you?!?! Well, I'll touch you where you will really feel it!"

Um. This is abuse and it's also setting the child up to be a victim of molestation or other physical abuse.

This is not a spanking/not spanking issue. This is not allowing a child to have body boundaries. It was a clear and completely abusive act on the part of the mom to hurt a child who requested body space and autonomy.

I'd be desparately worried for this family, and not because "they spank". The sick thinking and action described in the post is deeply flawed and hurtful.

Zooey · 12-12-2007, 09:58 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Joanne

Quote:

but elementary school aged) after she got off the phone the other day with another one of the moms because he said he didn't want her (the mom) to touch him. She said, "OH!! You don't want me to touch you?!?! Well, I'll touch you where you will really feel it!"

Um. This is abuse and it's also setting the child up to be a victim of molestation or other physical abuse.

This is not a spanking/not spanking issue. This is not allowing a child to have body boundaries. It was a clear and completely abusive act on the part of the mom to hurt a child who requested body space and autonomy.

I'd be desparately worried for this family, and not because "they spank". The sick thinking and action described in the post is deeply flawed and hurtful.

12-11-2007, 12:11 PM	#1
mellymommy Rose Garden Join Date: Feb 2007 Posts: 6,944	I almost cried! Today I was at my church's unofficial moms' gathering called "MOMTIME." Usually we just sit around and gab about non-mom stuff, which is a nice break from the constant mommy-ness of life. Today one mom talked about how her 5-month-old, who WAS sleeping through the night, suddenly decided to wake multiple times each night for the last few nights. She looked really tired and obviously needed help figuring out what to "do." One of the moms jumps to her feet to proclaim the goodness of Babywise. I'm not sure if anyone noticed my whole body cringe, but after she was done with her praise, I very quietly mentioned some of the negatives of the Ezzos and told the new mama to trust her instincts--not her emotions or her tired body, but her instincts. If her instincts said that her baby needed comfort and maybe a little boobie-snack, then go with that. I assured her that this will NOT last forever (but I didn't tell her that it could last years) and that she WOULD get to sleep again in this life. Well, later in our MOMTIME the same mama tells us that she paddled her son (not sure of exact age, but elementary school aged) after she got off the phone the other day with another one of the moms because he said he didn't want her (the mom) to touch him. She said, "OH!! You don't want me to touch you?!?! Well, I'll touch you where you will really feel it!" Again, a full-body cringe. I didn't say anything because ALL the moms with "spanking-age" children started talking about their funny spanking stories. I just wanted to cry and say, "Gee, I'm not sure what you taught your son except that his emotions and personal boundaries are subject to your pride and anger. That sure wouldn't make me feel very safe or help me to trust you with big issues down the road" This is the VERY first time I have witnessed first-hand casualness toward spanking and the "littleness" of children. My heart is just aching for that boy! __________________ Melody Married since 1999, rebuilding since June 2013 Hybrid Mommy to ds1 (12/02, SPD) dd (9/04) ds2 (10/07, C22 disorder) ds3 (5/08) ds4 (1/09) dd2 (9/11) http://www.themelodyward.com htty://www.joplinmamaresurrected.blogspot.com

12-11-2007, 12:13 PM	#2
allisonintx Rose Garden Some Cal/Mag will probably fix that. Join Date: Mar 2005 Location: catching up on the laundry Posts: 41,294	Re: I almost cried! __________________ allisonintx Wife to Stephen Mother to Elizabeth 19, Andrew 17, Abigail 14 & Evelyn 12 Love. You can learn all the math in the 'verse, but you take a boat in the air that you don't love, she'll shake you off just as sure as the turn of the world. Love keeps her in the air when she ought to fall down. Tells you she's hurting before she keens. Makes her a home. . . . . . . .

12-11-2007, 01:12 PM	#3
CelticJourney Administrator Join Date: Mar 2005 Posts: 34,561	Re: I almost cried! It's hard to see it played out before you. __________________ Elizabeth "Truth without love is divisive and hurtful & love without truth is anemic"--Pastor Estep Arise, cry out in the night...pour out your heart like water in the presence of the Lord; Lift up your hands to him for the lives of your children..; Lamentations 2:19

12-11-2007, 01:25 PM	#4
klpmommy Deactivated Beware the gorgon, she's having a bad hair day Join Date: Nov 2005 Location: DFW area Posts: 54,024	Re: I almost cried!

12-11-2007, 01:34 PM	#5
mybodymyself Deactivated Join Date: Apr 2007 Posts: 2,204	Re: I almost cried!

12-11-2007, 01:40 PM	#6
pastelsummer Rose Garden I am where I am only by the Grace of GOD Join Date: Aug 2007 Location: Where I choose to be Posts: 9,230	Re: I almost cried! that poor baby __________________ Elizabeth. (ISFP) Single mama to "Sissy" 6/07 "Bubba" 3/09 "Princess" 9/11 read about some content may be sensitive my life My Poetry I am not the princess in the tower, I have slayed my own dragons. I am the queen of my country leading the way. If you want me you need to walk beside me not in front of me or behind me.

12-11-2007, 01:52 PM	#7
Mama Calidad Guest Posts: n/a	Re: I almost cried! That poor boy. I can not understand that type of parenting at all.

12-11-2007, 02:17 PM	#8
blessedwithboys Rose Garden Join Date: Apr 2005 Posts: 7,481	Re: I almost cried! I'm sorry you had to hear that. I hope they take what you said to heart. __________________ Honored wife to my amazing husband Mommy to E-boy (11) Nosey (8) Mr. T (6) and Rosie (5)

12-12-2007, 06:18 AM	#9
Zooey Rose Trellis Join Date: Feb 2007 Posts: 3,155	Re: I almost cried! Poor little mite...... __________________ "A person's a person, no matter how small"--Dr Seuss

12-12-2007, 06:38 AM	#10
zak Administrator Friend of the Fellowship Join Date: Mar 2005 Location: The South Posts: 33,212	Re: I almost cried! Eek. I'm sorry you had to witness that. __________________ -zak Wife to MrZak Mama to the ZakKids - 2005, 2007, 2010, 2012 and 2017 Dedicated GCMer since 2003 Administrator and Moderating Cradled, Babes, Breastfeeding, Beautiful Mothers and Circumcision

12-12-2007, 07:51 AM	#11
Close2MyHeart Rose Garden Back for Friendships Join Date: Mar 2005 Location: Northeastern US Posts: 20,863	Re: I almost cried! Yuck. Why I avoid "Mom groups". __________________ ~ Becca ~ Wife to C., WFHM, Life long learner Living in "organized chaos" with 2 handfuls of kiddos. DS1(21), DS2(20), BD1(20), DD1(19), BS1(17), DS3(16), BS2(14), DD2(14), BD2(10), BD3 (8) (B = Bonus/Step)

12-12-2007, 08:30 AM	#12
erh384 Rose Trellis Join Date: Jun 2007 Posts: 2,459	Re: I almost cried! THats aweful... I'm sorry that happened & you had to hear all about it. __________________ Wife to my black-belt since 12/04 mom to: one sweet girl 12/06 one snuggly boy 8/10

12-12-2007, 08:37 AM	#13
diamondintherough Guest Posts: n/a	Re: I almost cried! 'nuff said.

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