Which Punitive Parenting Ideas Influenced You?

I had really fallen for the Woodshed line and was discussing it on another board when someone directed me here

Originally Posted by Sanveann

I had really fallen for the Woodshed line and was discussing it on another board when someone directed me here

Me too....hook, line, and sinker.

What's funny is.... just like many of the ladies on that board (at least, back when I was posting anyway) I actually came to woodshed from an ap background. Then when I felt like I was being too harsh, went back to ap. I think I actually went to "permissive" tho because I was sooooo lost as to what to do since I was no longer spanking, kwim? Well, we have been doing PD again for several months now-the longest we have stuck w/it, besides AP from infancy til age 2 with the oldest lol-and I finally have a "grasp" of what PD should really look like. I have the "tools" in my toolbox now.

I would love to talk more indepth with those others who have been affected by Pearls/Woodshed. Maybe we could be each other's support My biggest thing *now* that I need help with is....rebuilding that attachment with my older children that got lost in the Pearl/Woodshed hoopla.

[TulipMama]

My biggest thing *now* that I need help with is....rebuilding that attachment with my older children that got lost. . .

*hug* That is one of the prime things this UFP folder is for--helping those of us who have done things that have undermined our relationship with our children, reattach and rebuild.

One of the things that has been key with my older children is doing some of the things we do with younger children. Lots of physical touch, snuggling, cuddling, holding, etc. For our family, that means that while the boys are tucked in their own beds now, they are free to come climb in bed and cuddle with us if they wake in the night or early in morning. (Cosleeping isn't just for babies! *grin*) Lately, my Hubby has had work to do past my bedtime, so I'll carry a child into my bed to snuggle and sleep with me.

Hmmm. . . Why don't you start another thread on reattaching with older children?

[Peepsqueak]

I was a Woodshedder for 3 years, so I know what you mean. I found this board through the Woodshed. Please pm me anytime you would like for support, and discussion. I would be interested to know your experiences.

Peepsqueak

Originally Posted by Peepsqueak

I was a Woodshedder for 3 years, so I know what you mean. I found this board through the Woodshed. Please pm me anytime you would like for support, and discussion. I would be interested to know your experiences.

Peepsqueak

Peepsqueak, I'm so glad you found your way over here! Did WSing "work" for you? I used to lurk there a lot and always felt like it must be so hard for a parent to make the switch away from it b/c they're so persuasive. I have never practiced punitive parenting, but I had to stop reading those posts b/c I found myself becoming increasingly punitive with my own children. (Why is that? Power of suggestion or something?) Do you feel like your relationship with your children has improved since leaving the WS?

[Peepsqueak]

I have to confess, my woodshed parenting was not very good. In other words, I was not good at the woodshed techniques. I tried tomato staking. That was stressful for me to say the least. I tried the swatting for not obeying immediately; it was like a game to the kids. They were all under 7 years old at the time (4,5,and 6). I really did not reinforce well, because I was tired and didn't really have all day to chase them around to find out every move they made. So,the woodshedding was a failure for me.
Also, I do not homeschool so I cannot keep them with me all day to control everything. The minute the ruling with the "iron hand" was not around, they ran wild. So...it did not work well. I was consistant too....
Anyway, it was a techinique I tried for a short while. The first year on the woodshed was just learning and not application. The second year was application, which 85% of it was a waste of my time. And the third year was my exchanging views on family life....that was an interesing experience. I had respect for what the ladies on the woodshed were doing, but I was not able to do it. I also differed with them on political and social issues. They were extreme right. I am left and would considered liberal. The things I do agree with them on is natural family planning, have as many kids as you can (but one difference is economy should be factored in to some extent), most of the marriage issues were controversal, and I was a working mother....well that spells out a lot. Considering the fact I was different I got along with most of them very well.

Originally Posted by greenemama

this is so true of me. while i think i've got some hang ups due to performance-based expectations of me (bill gothard, bob jones university) i came to GBD pretty early on.

What's odd is that I discovered AP when my oldest was a few months old. Besides having spanked, it's the only way I have ever parented. How I slipped off the track is beyond me

What's odd is that I discovered AP when my oldest was a few months old. Besides having spanked, it's the only way I have ever parented. How I slipped off the track is beyond me

I was very AP with my first son, and LOVED Dr. Sears books.... except for his ideas on discipline. :/ That was just an exception to the AP rule for me at the time.

And I KNOW when I slipped off track... it was somewhere around the time that I read TTUAC. Also I think had a lot to do with ds starting to become more mobile and asserting himself... doing behaviors I had been taught to think of as defiant and rebellious.

Ezzo in 1995 Babywise format made me very adversarial in my thinking. anytime the baby didn't do what I wanted her to do I took it very personally. Also the fear mongering that he is so good at. Each time I felt like I didn't have control I worried that I was setting myself up for huge problems down the road. I'm not even sure I knew what those problems were just that it wouldn't be good!!!!!!

The family that I babysat for all the time as a teenager were very into Dobson. They were even on the FOTF board at one point I think. That influenced me a lot. The dad had some serious control issues. Really serious. It was disfunctional looking back but it certainly influenced me. I read strong willed child when dd was about 1. Should have been reading Your One Year Old. Strong willed child just made me more controlling and adversarial. I really felt like if I didn't win each and every little conflict by force (rather than humor, negotiation or distraction) I wasn't paretning properly. Not good! Found Woodshed by accident was slightly influencial but found GCM shortly there after and started to change my ways!!

Hallelujah!

God is so good....

Magan

[DogwoodMama]

I wasn't able to participate in the quiz, b/c none of the ideas influenced me. I found out about AP before I got pregnant, and found GCM while I was pregnant. What a blessing!

Originally Posted by BetsyPage

I wasn't able to participate in the quiz, b/c none of the ideas influenced me. I found out about AP before I got pregnant, and found GCM while I was pregnant. What a blessing!

That's nice (I mean that, not being sarcastic) See, I found out about AP when my oldest was a few months old... but then by the time DC hit around 2ish, all the aPers I knew were doing more like permissive parenting. Permissive parenting was all the hype back then. I remember reading a post once on an AP board where the topic was children coloring on walls. I hope no one here takes offense... but I remember a mom saying she didn't discipline over that--she joined in. Yes, joined in and colored alongside the child. Mostly it was confined to the child's room, though. And b/c permissive parenting was the rage, there were soooo many "Wow-I didn't think of that! Maybe we should do that too!" and "We do this too!" posts. So after being permissive for a while, and always trying to help the kids get what they want, I had had ENOUGH needless to say lol. Oh well... I'm glad I found GCM

[MariJo7]

I see I'm the "old phossile" here . The punitive "parenting expert" I grew with was Larry Christenson. We were advised to read his books and follow his instructions. Larry Christenson is not a real "parenting expert" but rather a general, charismatic Lutheran, evangelical preacher, but he has written some books about parenting as well. He believes that the children should be raised in the "good, old fashioned way" with a lot of chores, rules and spanking. One of his books had a preface written by David Wilkerson, who strongly recommended the book and expected a real "revival" come out of it. By all means, I appreciate David Wilkerson, I do not mean to degrade him, but even people like him are not right in every matter.
When my oldest was a toddler, we were introduced to the teachings of James Dobson. I must honestly tell you: compared to Larry Christenson, he was a big relief! Can you imagine! I still remember his first video tape we saw at church. He told that children do not need to be spanked for everything, and that responsibilities are best learned by positive enforcement, not by punishing. If you think that James Dobson was a balancing influence in our lives, you might get some idea of how this Larry Christenson and our church was.
I have never heard about this Pearl before. I have read something about this Ezzo couple on the internet. They sound like everything I'm against at. I'm not aware that our church would have known him when we still were there, but they had some very similar things. I failed to breastfeed my two first children because of the ill advice of my pastor and his wife. I hated to leave my kids to the nursery during the church services. I never knew if they would be fed or if they would come to get me if necessary. Later I discovered the books and courses of La Leche League and considered them really helpful. Breastfeeding became something to me that I did not talk about at the church, a kind of safe haven for me and the babies.
It's all over now. The children have grown up, and as far as I can see, they are doing fine. Nobody demands me to spank any more or let my babies cry or do other things that feel so wrong. Still, the past is a very painful issue to me. Sometimes I even have nightmares about it.

[charla]

Originally Posted by MariJo7

Still, the past is a very painful issue to me. Sometimes I even have nightmares about it.

I'm so sorry.

[MariJo7]

What could be the common nominator of all these advocates of spanking? Where do THEY have their ideas from? They might say: "From the Bible", but there are other common sources as well.
One Grand Old Lady, whose influence should not be under estmímated, Was Mrs. Susan Wessley, the mother of the famous preacher brothers George and Charles. Some ideas pf Mr. Pearl come directly from her. It was Mrs Wessley who told that children need to learn to "fear the rod" and to "cry softly after punishments". If they cry aloud, that is a sign of rebellion and an indication that a new spanking is needed.
Many pro spanking authors cite Mrs Weasley. I once read a book by Charles Swindoll (You and Your Child). The book was wrtten in late 1980's. Swindoll also cited Mrs Weasley, especially about this making your chold "cry softly" before you can stop spanking.

---------- Post added at 02:08 PM ---------- Previous post was at 01:54 PM ----------

I meant: the mother of John and Charles Wessley, of curse. Sorry for the typo.

[TenderLovingWillow]

That's really facinating.

I find a lot of what John Wessley go be very grace based in nature-especially in regards to the character of God-

But I'm not exceptionally knowledgable about him either-just what I have picked up along the way.