Collected Posts about "You Hit, You Sit" and General Posts about Hitting

[GCM_Sticky]

Below you will find collected past posts about "you hit, you sit" as well as posts about hitting in general. Each new discussion has an in front of it.

To start this sticky off, here is a quote by ArmsOfLove briefly describing "you hit, you sit."

Basically, when children get into it and someone hits/hurts I intervene and move them physically, if necessary, and say, "You hit, you sit. Go to the couch until I come to you." Then I make sure the other person is okay--check them physically, listen to their side of things, reflect and validate AND find out if they provoked the aggression. Then I go to the hitter and calm them down and hear their side and reflect and validate. THEN I bring both calmed children back together and encourage them both, if necessary, to make amends for whatever wrong they did to each other.

the purpose is to stop the encounter immediately and to unravel the knot so that we can retie the bow together

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Title: let's talk about "you hit, you sit"
Post by: ArmsOfLove on March 22, 2005, 04:46:21 PM
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Basically, when you're using this tool you have a child who hits (or hurts) sit and take a break until they are ready to apologize/make amends and be gentle with their sibling. If you have a Comfort Corner they can sit there, or on the couch, or anywhere that gives them a chance to get out of the fray and collect themselves. I use it effectively with all of my children--even my 3yo (although I admit he's far more mature and communicates better than most 3 yo's).


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Title: Re: let's talk about "you hit, you sit"
Post by: Mothering by Heart on March 22, 2005, 04:56:55 PM
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I just started using this about a week ago.

My 4yo is the ones who sits there more than anyone else. At first, she would sit but protest, "Ill sit here until I want to get up.

I just said, "You may get up when you are ready to play without hurting."
I have also used it with my 2.5 yo.


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Title: Re: let's talk about "you hit, you sit"
Post by: greenemama on March 22, 2005, 05:17:33 PM
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

is this usually used when said child is purposefully aggressive? or over zealous in play? or both?


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Title: Re: let's talk about "you hit, you sit"
Post by: ArmsOfLove on March 22, 2005, 05:19:43 PM
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

for me it's both.


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Title: Re: let's talk about "you hit, you sit"
Post by: greenemama on March 22, 2005, 05:20:51 PM
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

do you discuss the hitting before after or during the sitting? i would think with an older child it's obvious why they're sitting. let's talk about a three year old.


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Title: Re: let's talk about "you hit, you sit"
Post by: Wake Me Up on March 22, 2005, 05:30:12 PM
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Just to be difficult... lol...

What do you do when they start screaming in your face when you tell them to go sit?? Then if you take them by the shoulder to steer them there, they start thrashing and kicking???




--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Title: Re: let's talk about "you hit, you sit"
Post by: ArmsOfLove on March 22, 2005, 05:35:17 PM
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I introduced the rule at a neutral time after it was becoming an issue and explained it and answered questions. While I was having them sit the first few times I reminded them about the new rule. Now they will tell me what they are having to do

If they start thrashing I'd do a bear hug and either wait until they calm down or pick them up and get them to the couch and sit with thems.


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Title: Re: let's talk about "you hit, you sit"
Post by: Wake Me Up on March 22, 2005, 06:38:47 PM
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Quote
I introduced the rule at a neutral time after it was becoming an issue and explained it and answered questions.

I forget this part. I'm trying to explain this concept to my dh.




--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Title: Re: let's talk about "you hit, you sit"
Post by: DogwoodMama on March 22, 2005, 06:45:59 PM
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

You say you use it with your 3 year old... is that about as young as it works for? I know it would not work for Charlotte right now, plus she doesn't hit. But just trying to think ahead.


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Title: Re: let's talk about "you hit, you sit"
Post by: ArmsOfLove on March 22, 2005, 06:51:25 PM
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I will probably introduce it to these little guys as soon as they are able to hit out of frustration. I will incorporate it with the Comfort Corner (which I'm gonna have be my recliner as soon as I can get up long enough to introduce it ) but I'll take them with me to have a little break. I actually think that the earlier and more proactively and positively you introduce any tool the more effective it will be and the less resistance you will have to it. When it's just part of how things are done they simply do it


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Title: Re: let's talk about "you hit, you sit"
Post by: FlyinKiwi on March 22, 2005, 07:05:45 PM
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

As part of this I think you Crystal have mentioned making amends. I've tried this but some of them have great trouble thinking up a nice thing that the hitting sibling can do for them

what to do??


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Title: Re: let's talk about "you hit, you sit"
Post by: ArmsOfLove on March 22, 2005, 07:11:00 PM
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

most of the time my children request a rousing round of Ring Around the Rosie


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Title: Re: let's talk about "you hit, you sit"
Post by: palil on March 22, 2005, 07:20:30 PM
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Does giving a hug or kiss count as doing a nice thing to make amend. After saying sorry, my guys always want to bear hug and roll around. I'm not sure if I "taught" them to do that by being lovey, or if that really is what they choose to do to make amends.. ?


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Title: Re: let's talk about "you hit, you sit"
Post by: LadyBird on March 22, 2005, 07:23:30 PM
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

So what would I do for Elizabeth? She hits sometimes when she is showing aggression. She will grab faces, or grab at my boob if she gets mad. She started this actually at an earlier age...and I have wondered the best way to deal with it. I usually just take the "hitting or grabbing" hand in mine, adn look her in the eye and say, "we don't hit" in a firm voice, then let her go on to other things instead of dwelling on it. Is that a good way to handle it?


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Title: Re: let's talk about "you hit, you sit"
Post by: elcollins on March 22, 2005, 07:24:56 PM
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The little boy I watch just turned two on Saturday, but he definitely 'gets it'. For us it is more a 'you hit, you sit on my lap' kind of thing. Usually I will put him on my hip and take him out of the room and remind him that he needs to be 'gentle with ____'. And yes, when he is really worked up, he screams and kicks, but we bear hug and reassess the problem. Many times at my house he is so busy chasing after my girls that I have trouble getting him to eat, so often a snack helps take the sting out of my busy-bee.

I just started this with him last week and he was a different boy yesterday and today. At one point he did hit, but lightly, not the full force slap I witnessed him give my 10yo last week. I said his name to get his attention and he looked at me and said 'I hit' and he sat down in the closest chair. It was so cute.





--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Title: Re: let's talk about "you hit, you sit"
Post by: Radosny Matka on March 22, 2005, 08:08:27 PM
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Could this work with throwing toys, yelling, plain being rude? I.e. - you can get up when you can be nice, or would that be giving it a more punative spin?


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Title: Re: let's talk about "you hit, you sit"
Post by: FlyinKiwi on March 22, 2005, 08:12:29 PM
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Quote from: ArmsOfLove on March 22, 2005, 07:11:00 PM
most of the time my children request a rousing round of Ring Around the Rosie


The main "proplem" is when the younger one hits the older ones. Miss 6 will say they can't do anything nice for me! (said in a very grumpy voice). Thinking now, I guess she hasn't forgiven the one who hit her and is not ready to accept their "sorry"??

Miss six wants Miss 8 to do something that Miss 8 does not want to do ... It seems like I'm *always* helping them to sort out the "make up"


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Title: Re: let's talk about "you hit, you sit"
Post by: palil on March 22, 2005, 08:21:21 PM
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Crystal,

so you start this with your kids when they are tiny? My ds2 would flail around in frustration and started swatting, grabbing, pinching, etc, well before his first birthday.


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Title: Re: let's talk about "you hit, you sit"
Post by: ArmsOfLove on March 22, 2005, 08:37:18 PM
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Well I only institued the actual "you hit, you sit" a couple of months ago, but I've, for a long time, done the stopping of aggression in my little ones and held them/sat with them if they are being repeatedly aggressive. Usually I put them in the sling when that is happening. It's where my toddlers *sit* Now that I have this tool I will say "you hit, you sit" when I do it--whether I sling them or sit on the couch/chair/comfort corner with them. It's about incorporating the practice with the name. I love this--perfect example of what I'm trying to describe
Quote
At one point he did hit, but lightly, not the full force slap I witnessed him give my 10yo last week. I said his name to get his attention and he looked at me and said 'I hit' and he sat down in the closest chair


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Title: Re: let's talk about "you hit, you sit"
Post by: mummy2boys on March 22, 2005, 10:37:49 PM
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Okay....about to implement this.....maybe I will discuss it when they are having a bath tonight....nice and calm


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Title: Re: let's talk about "you hit, you sit"
Post by: Mother of Sons on March 22, 2005, 10:42:18 PM
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

This doesn't really work well for us.. For us it resulted in a battle over making them sit down which completely took the focus off of the hitting. For our biggest hitter too, hitting wasn't to be mean, it was how he showed happy, how he showed excited, etc. Giving a time out for being excited didn't seem right and it didn't teach him how to be excited appropriately. I guess I feel the same about angry hitting. You hit you sit doesn't really teach them how to express anger appropriately (although I'm sure that's done in conjunction, I'd just rather go straight to that and skip the time out battle)


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Title: Re: let's talk about "you hit, you sit"
Post by: SusieSassafrass on March 22, 2005, 11:02:24 PM
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

well, as far as making ammends, we have our ds (28mos) do "gentle touches" or soft touches and give sister a hug. he does it on his own now w/o me having to prompt him. The funny thing is that he goes to rub/pat your head , which almost looks like he's going to hit again, and i think he scared one of his little friends the other day when he gave her gentle touches.