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Unprepared for Parenting (Ezzos, Pearls, Etc.) *Public* Support and information for those affected by the Ezzos, the Pearls, and other punitive and adversarial methods of child-rearing.
A public forum.
Before posting here, please read this sticky and keep guideline 23 in mind:

23. No posts harshly dissecting parenting moments of others since we desire to humbly cultivate a heart attitude of grace and not judgment towards other mamas. We all struggle at times as parents and have much to learn, and GCM's focus is to provide tools and information for each of us to parent more effectively. Posts voicing some frustration regarding choices made by others can be okay, but it needs to be within the overall context of seeking understanding or ideas for better responses in the future.

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Old 03-23-2006, 12:20 PM   #16
Chris3jam
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Default Re: Pearl Advice Leads to Death--The Reporter Answered Me

Quote:
Thank you for setting the stage for this, Crystal. I still have not emailed my response yet b/c I'm not ready to "go public" with some of my most personal and heartbreaking parenting mistakes , but I really want to speak to her about my first hand experiences. (also b/c dh would freak) I just couldn't quite figure out how to go about it.

I guess I feel conflicted about not putting my name to my words, but I also don't want to give a personal interview, have reporters "following up" with our family, or become the poster girl for anti-Pearl sentiment. kwim?
I know *exactly* how you feel! But, Jodi PM'd me a suggestion. . .maybe she's got one for you? There has to be a way to maintain a "distance" while still getting it out there. . .
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Old 03-23-2006, 02:08 PM   #17
QuiltinGramma
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Default Re: Pearl Advice Leads to Death--The Reporter Answered Me

You girls are great. (Please know that when I use the word "girls," that I am not meaning anything bad, etc. but that you are of the female persuasion. When I'm in a group of ladies, I usually end up calling them/us girls. It doesn't matter the age. It's just a term of endearment.) I'm sure the reporter will be able to keep your identities hidden if you so desire.

I'm excited about this and maybe this will help others leave the Pearl/Ezzo teachings behind.
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Old 03-23-2006, 08:20 PM   #18
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Default Re: Pearl Advice Leads to Death--The Reporter Answered Me

Quote:
I also don't want to give a personal interview, have reporters "following up" with our family, or become the poster girl for anti-Pearl sentiment. kwim?
I understand.

And speaking in broad, broad terms. . . I know very many of us who post here in the UFP folder come from punitive backgrounds. As a result, we now see our actions of the past in a way we didn't see them as we were living through them. I know much of the punitive parenting done within Christian circles is motivated by love for our children. (And fears, plied upon by the most punitive teachers. . .)

So, I know many, many mamas who have completely discarded the teachings of the Pearls (or others) who would look back in their lives and state that objectively, though motivated by love, their actions were abusive. That's very hard to admit to oneself. But to admit that to a media person?! Especially when there are still small children at home?! I think the yellow flashing warning lights are the first response most mamas have about sharing parenting mistakes like these--especially to someone in the media!

I really wish that there were some older mamas with children mostly grown who could share. . .
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Old 03-23-2006, 10:36 PM   #19
QuiltinGramma
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Default Re: Pearl Advice Leads to Death--The Reporter Answered Me

I agree that maybe some of the older moms could step forward. That way the kids, who once were punished but now raised GBD, would be able to understand what's going on and could be counseled about what lies ahead. With little ones, it could be very confusing to them.

I knew this would be one of the challenges we would face........the willingness? or ability? (I'm not sure the exact word I'm looking for...it is escaping me right now, sorry) to step forward. I know this is a very, very tough decision to make and I know there could be repercussions toward those that do but I also know that in order for this to go forward, someone probably will need to step forward. I am truely sorry about this. I wish I had the story to tell but I don't...I wish I could have raised my DC the GBD way, but I didn't know anything about GBD. That's why on the other thread I said that I would support you in any way I could. I feel like I've backed you into a corner and that now it's come down to "shut up or put up" to either be quiet about the Pearls and Ezzos or bring forth the proof. I believe what is decided here will have a big effect on whether or not this issue goes any further in the news.

If you feel too uncomfortable coming forward.....God may provide a person from another gentle discipline board that could do it. Do any of you know of other moms on other boards who have left the Pearl/Ezzo teachings? Please don't fret or stew over this, we can still make an impact through prayer and prayer is the most powerful tool we have....plus, it may mean that we have to be a little more creative in our thinking and actions. A to all of you as we continue to think and pray.
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Old 03-24-2006, 02:14 AM   #20
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Default Re: Pearl Advice Leads to Death--The Reporter Answered Me

Quote:
You girls are great. (Please know that when I use the word "girls," that I am not meaning anything bad, etc. but that you are of the female persuasion. When I'm in a group of ladies, I usually end up calling them/us girls. It doesn't matter the age. It's just a term of endearment.)
OT- but I say "guys" - so girls is buch better

I cannot add to the letters as I am not familiar w/ them enough, but I am backing you in prayer.
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Old 03-24-2006, 07:15 AM   #21
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Default Re: Pearl Advice Leads to Death--The Reporter Answered Me

Quote:
Originally Posted by QuiltinGramma
You girls are great. (Please know that when I use the word "girls," that I am not meaning anything bad, etc. but that you are of the female persuasion. When I'm in a group of ladies, I usually end up calling them/us girls. It doesn't matter the age. It's just a term of endearment.)
I know what you meant! I also say 'guys' but also refer to all of you and to the wonderful ladies on my other group as "my ladies."
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Old 03-25-2006, 02:39 PM   #22
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Default Re: Pearl Advice Leads to Death--The Reporter Answered Me

I just sent off my email to Mandy with your concerns about anonymity, becoming a "poster child" and homeschooling. I offered to post any questions she might have and send her your answers (that would be with your permission, of course).....oops, I hope that's okay .......I never thought to see if what the guidelines says about that. Sorry! AGAIN, I will NOT post her questions or send her anything you say here on any of these boards without permission first.

BTW, is it okay to post her questions??
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Old 03-25-2006, 02:50 PM   #23
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Default Re: Pearl Advice Leads to Death--The Reporter Answ

I believe it's okay to post her questions if she gives you permission.

I also wanted to remind everyone that this is a public forum, so in the spirit of not sharing too much with a reporter, you might not want to share too much in this thread.
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Old 03-25-2006, 03:00 PM   #24
Chris3jam
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Default Re: Pearl Advice Leads to Death--The Reporter Answered Me

Can we start another thread in a more private forum?
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Old 03-28-2006, 01:43 PM   #25
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Default Re: Pearl Advice Leads to Death--The Reporter Answered Me

Just so you all understand, I will not send Mandy Locke, the reporter any of your replies to any questions, comments, etc, until I have your written reply!

Mandy wrote me again. Here is what she said:
Quote:
I'm trying to dig deeper on this issue. Do you have any mothers in North Carolina who might steer me to a church or homeschooling group where the Pearls teachings are advocated? I promise to leave them out of it. I need more of a local connection to push this story to the next level and to fly to Tennessee and interview Michael Pearl.

Call me if its easier 800-365-6115.

Best,
Mandy
Okay, she needs local help so if any of you are aware of any groups (churches or homeschoolers) that teach and promote the Pearls please contact her at: mlocke@newsobserver.com or if you would like to talk to talk to her in person do so. She knows how we feel about giving homeschoolers a black eye so I think she will be sensetive to that. If she is going to ask Michael Pearl questions that will be tough for him to slip out of ("Well, they weren't using my 'program' right." etc), then we need to help her by giving her the amnunition (personal) stories and contacts that she needs.

Would you like for me to start a thread over in "Intense Fellowship" for this? Girls you can also PM me if you don't wish to contact Mandy personally or if you want me to read anything you've written.
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Old 03-30-2006, 02:43 PM   #26
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Default Re: Pearl Advice Leads to Death--The Reporter Answered Me

where is the news story about the child killed?
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Old 03-30-2006, 03:13 PM   #27
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Default Re: Pearl Advice Leads to Death--The Reporter Answered Me

I've never Pearled and have no personal experience with it...but wanted to add my
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Old 03-30-2006, 03:15 PM   #28
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Default Re: Pearl Advice Leads to Death--The Reporter Answered Me

Quote:
Originally Posted by illinoismommy
where is the news story about the child killed?
http://www.newsobserver.com/102/story/418676.html
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Old 03-31-2006, 11:04 AM   #29
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Default Re: Pearl Advice Leads to Death--The Reporter Answered Me

Quote:
Originally Posted by QuiltinGramma
I agree that maybe some of the older moms could step forward.
Do any of you know of other moms on other boards who have left the Pearl/Ezzo teachings?
I don't know if I really qualify, but after my last blog post, I started wondering if maybe I do have a little experience. I tried the Pearls methods for a couple of months, it was probably 8 years ago. A friend and I tried iit together after a mutual friend gave Pearl books to us (and everyone else she knew! She bought a case and passed them around.) About the same time, we both gave it up, she said her kids were behaving better but she was losing the close relationship she had had with them before, they seemed like they were walking on eggshells all the time (her kids were never rebellious or anything to begin with, they were always pretty well-behaved, pleasant kids, so it wasn't as if she had a problem she needed to deal with.) For me, it just wasn't really working. What I'd been doing before - which was pretty much AP/Positive Discipline, for the most part, had been just as effective (my sons were always pretty cooperative, too.) But I'm not sure that I have enough experience to be a very good person to talk to.
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Old 03-31-2006, 12:51 PM   #30
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Default Re: Pearl Advice Leads to Death--The Reporter Answered Me

Wow this is really something... I put the news story on another forum I post at. I would really like the Pearls to get more negative publicity because that way people that are unsure do not get sucked into this mess...
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