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Unprepared for Parenting (Ezzos, Pearls, Etc.) *Public* Support and information for those affected by the Ezzos, the Pearls, and other punitive and adversarial methods of child-rearing. A public forum. Before posting here, please read this sticky and keep guideline 23 in mind:
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02-17-2010, 06:54 PM | #1 |
Rose Bush
Join Date: Dec 2008
Location: the last frontier
Posts: 384
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Am I going about this wrong?
I posted a link about the death on my facebook and my Pearl-ite friend responded with a quote from the Pearls about loving your children before training them and having a good relationship with them and how this death has nothing to do with their material. I was like well, we could swap Pearl quotes all day long so I just didn't say anything. Then she retaliated and posted a ton of quotes from this amish-type guy (very much Michael Pearls twin, beard and all) on "training" your children. She even commented on a picture of his daughters about how "blessed" they are and how she wishes she were his daughter (she is a married woman!).
Anyways, I saw a woman commented on a link my friend posted on "Training Your Children". The woman said spanking was not biblical and she was immediately attacked with rod scripture verses. So, I had to comment to back her up (I later found out it was my friend's mother. Poor grandma doesn't want her one year old grandbaby being switched in the name of Jesus anymore!). I said that spanking is not biblical and that if you look at the original hebrew language the word used is na'ar which means adolescent boy. I even offered to buy my friend the Samuel Martin book - Thy Rod And Thy Staff. Then they said... well, they said a lot of things as you can imagine. about how I am wrong about God (I said He is patient with us and doesn't give us the same physical consequence for every sin committed) and that I must have some sort of demon spirit telling me that there is a flaw in scripture, and that we shouldn't have to look to the Hebrew language to understand scripture correctly. Someone also responded saying there are other meanings for na'ar than just adolescent boy (actually they got mad at me for saying "adolescent boy" saying there isn't such a thing...). I didn't respond to that, I couldn't think up a response that would be well received by those viewing translators above original authors. Maybe I shouldn't have said anything... it just breaks me heart to hear things like this. And I know if the Mama would have just read something GBD before TTUAC it would be so different (she is totally on board with all other AP things). Its very scary the place the Pearls have in her heart. Should I have gone about it a different way? Taken a different approach? I thought the whole na'ar thing was pretty foolproof. From now on I'm going to purpose to give any expecting mama (even those I just know through the internet, like this mama was) a GBD book in hopes of saving her from this poison.
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Beth Mama to Faith born May 2009 and Titus born Dec 2011 Last edited by keepinghome; 02-17-2010 at 06:58 PM. |
02-17-2010, 06:59 PM | #2 |
Rose Garden
God, you've got this!
Join Date: Aug 2005
Posts: 15,865
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Re: Am I going about this wrong?
((HUGS)) It is SO sad what Christian's have come to believe as parenting "truth". So sad.
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The Following User Says Thank You to WI Mama05 For This Useful Post: | Mokek Kwe (02-18-2010) |
02-17-2010, 07:11 PM | #3 |
Rose Garden
Join Date: Mar 2008
Posts: 15,480
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Re: Am I going about this wrong?
I don't think you went about it *wrong* I think that people often have a hard time seeing that the 'way they believe' about something is SOOO VERY WRONG. Maybe you planted some seeds. Pray for her and her children.
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Swimming with Sharks Loving my DH for 19 years 'Pete' 8.5 yo dd 'Dragonfly' 6 yo ds the new kid is 3.5 yo ds always remembering the one I didn't get to hold Mary has been healed by the blood of the lamb
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The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to swimming with sharks For This Useful Post: | keepinghome (02-17-2010), sweetpeasmommy (02-17-2010) |
02-17-2010, 07:20 PM | #4 |
Rose Garden
Join Date: Mar 2005
Posts: 79,607
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Re: Am I going about this wrong?
I'm sorry for you and for poor heartbroken grandma
My only suggestion is that your gut is wise. I probably would have posted in response to her on your page exactly what you were thinking. "We could swap quotes from this man all day. If he only wrote in line with what you've chosen to post I would agree with you. It's all the other stuff about how hard and how often to tempt them and hit them that leaves me believing there is no way to spin this in his favor." And I jump in sometimes even when the odds are against me. Someone else reading always needs it. At least grandma knows she isn't alone
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02-17-2010, 07:20 PM | #5 |
Climbing Rose
Join Date: Aug 2009
Location: Southeast Oklahoma - is anybody out there?
Posts: 1,035
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Re: Am I going about this wrong?
I don't think you went about it wrong, either. One person may have a hardened heart, but many others may be quietly moved in a positive direction because of your bravery in standing up for your beliefs.
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KG
Blessed wife to BK Loving mama to JW (October 2008) NK (June 2013) and MK (May 2015) Longing to hold my three s in heaven (Feb 2011, June 2011, July 2012) AP'ing, co-sleeping, CLW, no-circ, selectively vaccinating, and learning gentleness in parenting every day! LOVE LETS LIVE |
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02-17-2010, 07:25 PM | #6 |
Deactivated
"Knitting is Mama's job"
Join Date: Aug 2009
Location: Where the wind blows, the snow flies and mere mortals can't breathe
Posts: 6,945
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Re: Am I going about this wrong?
It's tough to stand up and say something. Thank you for doing it.
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02-19-2010, 09:41 PM | #7 |
Rose Trellis
Struggling with life
Join Date: May 2005
Location: Where the grass grows green
Posts: 1,972
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Re: Am I going about this wrong?
I think you did well, especially if her mom needed some support. While she may not want to hear it from you, you may be giving the support the grandma needs to continue reaching out to her daughter with the truth that is in the scripture.
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Mom to Dinosaur Girl 12; Princess 10; Buddy 8; Squeakers 6; & Mr Man 4, Stepmom to Cowgirl 6!
One in the arms of Jesus 9/18/12 and a second January 2013 |
02-19-2010, 09:56 PM | #8 |
Rose Garden
Join Date: Nov 2005
Location: Nyssa, Oregon (southeastern part of the state)
Posts: 6,020
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Re: Am I going about this wrong?
Hang in there, girl...you did good.
Changing one's view on child rearing sometimes takes time to even be able see the whys and how GBD works. Keep reinforcing GDB with patience and love. Jesus did with his disciples...so with God's help, we can do it with other adults we encounter.
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wife for 40 years to dear hubby-pastor and retired Navy chaplain mom to DS & DD (Amber) now grown, to Dixie Lee, a 3 yr old French Brittany, Magnolia (Maggie), 4 month old French Brittany and gramma to 4 wonderful grandBOYS and 1 foster granddaughter |
02-19-2010, 10:22 PM | #9 |
Moderator
It'd be nice if you could pull me into town.
Join Date: Oct 2009
Posts: 11,037
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Re: Am I going about this wrong?
I hate getting caught up in those conversations myself sometimes. I think praying for her, and for the right words to say to her if the opportunity comes up, would go a long way. God can move in mighty ways, including changing the heart of your friend.
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INFJ, Ninja Extraordinaire |
02-19-2010, 10:24 PM | #10 |
Deactivated
Join Date: Mar 2005
Posts: 38,127
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Re: Am I going about this wrong?
The Holy Spirit works on people in his timing. It's our job to speak, but it's his job to change people's hearts.
I think you did fine. |
02-20-2010, 12:53 PM | #11 |
Rose Garden
Join Date: Jun 2007
Location: Near Boston
Posts: 10,012
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Re: Am I going about this wrong?
I say keep trying. Yes, you're supposed to love and connect to your children, but you don't do that with all of that stupid, antiquated, outmoded hitting and fear! The love stuff is the honey, and that hitting, the oleander. Folks need to cast that aside and treat children like the treasures they are!
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Is this love big enough to watch over me? Big enough to let go of me Without hurting me, Like the day I learned to swim?-Kate Bush, The Fog Wielder of the Katana of Lepidoptera and General Randomness. |
02-20-2010, 01:13 PM | #12 |
Rose Garden
Rock on!!!
Join Date: Jul 2007
Posts: 18,102
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Re: Am I going about this wrong?
I totally agree with Mary, it's not YOUR job to convince them, it's simply your job to speak truth and let GOD worry about their hearts.
When discussing spanking with someone who takes a theological view of spanking, I tend to speak in realms of accurate Scriptural interpretation. In truth, the spanking doctrine is based upon a few individual scriptures in Proverbs and one word of one verse in Hebrews. You cannot build an entire doctrine based upon a book of the Bible from which absolutely no other command is introduced or given, and is in fact a book of Poetry. Having said all of that...if their response to your well thought out and reasoned rebuttal was that obviously you must be demonically oppressed; my guess is that actual logic isn't really coming into play here
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~Heather~
ENFP married to my ENJF hubby gently mothering: ds15yo- the performer, ds14yo- the gamer, ds 12yo- the adventurer, and dd 10yo-the dynamo Missing my little Malachi David and Hannah Danielle, in Jesus' arms Check out my blog "Today you are You, that is truer than true. There is no one alive who is Youer than You." *Dr Seuss* |
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02-20-2010, 01:23 PM | #13 |
Guest
Posts: n/a
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Re: Am I going about this wrong?
Everyone always shoots down my translation of "na'ar," and I'm no translation expert, so I've just quit bringing that one into it. But according to everyone else on another board I'm on, "na'ar" can be used for any male before adulthood, even a baby.
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02-20-2010, 01:39 PM | #14 | |
Rose Garden
Join Date: Jun 2007
Location: Near Boston
Posts: 10,012
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Re: Am I going about this wrong?
Quote:
No such thing as an adolescent boy?
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Is this love big enough to watch over me? Big enough to let go of me Without hurting me, Like the day I learned to swim?-Kate Bush, The Fog Wielder of the Katana of Lepidoptera and General Randomness. |
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02-20-2010, 01:42 PM | #15 |
Rose Garden
Rock on!!!
Join Date: Jul 2007
Posts: 18,102
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Re: Am I going about this wrong?
I'm guessing the argument is that the concept of "adolescence" is a more modern term, that in Biblical times once a male reached what we now think of as adolescence they were seen as an "adult".
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~Heather~
ENFP married to my ENJF hubby gently mothering: ds15yo- the performer, ds14yo- the gamer, ds 12yo- the adventurer, and dd 10yo-the dynamo Missing my little Malachi David and Hannah Danielle, in Jesus' arms Check out my blog "Today you are You, that is truer than true. There is no one alive who is Youer than You." *Dr Seuss* |
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