Gentle Christian Mothers Community
 
Random Quotes from Wise Mamas


Go Back   Gentle Christian Mothers Community > Specific Issues > Unprepared for Parenting (Ezzos, Pearls, Etc.) *Public*
Forgot Password? Join Us!

Unprepared for Parenting (Ezzos, Pearls, Etc.) *Public* Support and information for those affected by the Ezzos, the Pearls, and other punitive and adversarial methods of child-rearing.
A public forum.
Before posting here, please read this sticky and keep guideline 23 in mind:

23. No posts harshly dissecting parenting moments of others since we desire to humbly cultivate a heart attitude of grace and not judgment towards other mamas. We all struggle at times as parents and have much to learn, and GCM's focus is to provide tools and information for each of us to parent more effectively. Posts voicing some frustration regarding choices made by others can be okay, but it needs to be within the overall context of seeking understanding or ideas for better responses in the future.

Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
Old 05-28-2006, 12:20 PM   #16
Danette
Guest
 
 
Posts: n/a
Default Re: Salon Article on Pearls

Meggan your story is powerful as well and it echos my experience. It's comforting to know that I'm not the only one who has been through this. I've also found that through telling my story that it brings some mom's to start asking questions and evaluating their parenting style and hopefully when they are ready they can find a more gracious and gentle way to deal with their children as we have.

Praying that this report will stir more discussions and bring many mom's to evaluate and to search the scriptures for the way God would have them raise their children and not a man who claims to know what God wants parents to do.
  Reply With Quote
Old 05-28-2006, 09:39 PM   #17
Irene
Rose Garden
 
 
Join Date: Mar 2005
Posts: 9,746
Irene has disabled reputation
Default Re: Salon Article on Pearls

I agree Danette, and I also think that some moms have these same feelings, but go back to the book or talk to others and just thing "gee, if I just keep it up, he promises peace in my home" and always think they are alone in those feelings. Hearing or reading that someone else had those feelings and were able to get out of it, might really help some closet struggling moms.

I remember when a lady called me on the phone and was just telling me in such a nice calm, non judging way her Ezzo experience and "if you feel its not working for you, dont feel guilty" sort of thing... wow that meant so much to me that someone else struggled with it, instead of the rosy perfect picturesque families that you see everywhere.

anyway, I just wanted to say, Meggan, that your story reminded me of that and I think that there are moms out there that will really benefit from your story, I know it took a lot of courage
__________________
http://www.somethingnewcreations.com
http://www.fbook.me/SomethingNew
http://twitter.com/SNCreations

Blessed single mom to three delightful, creative children who help inspire my art.
Irene is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 05-28-2006, 11:40 PM   #18
mommylinn
Guest
 
 
Posts: n/a
Default Re: Salon Article on Pearls

Rebekah's testimony of her upbring was really interesting, and especially how they are raising their own children. If what she describes is true, then her own parents were not 100% consistent in their methods, instead they were really creative, and she said she and her dh use 90% of the times more creative means. Hmmm, sounds like she was actually raised in a positive parenting home that occasionally used spankings, and uses positive parenting herself. If the Pearl's didn't use it themselves, but instead used very creative positive means to raise their kids, they why did they not write a book about that? I'd sure like to read some creative and humourus responses to our kids behaviour . Instead it seems they wrote a book advocating 100% compliance to a single method. And she thinks that only those who were traumatised are opposed to their method? By her own words, she and her Dh are in reality opposed to them; and she is a self proclaimed balanced happily adjusted person. I'm sure she is, but my point is, that the extended Pearl family do not seem to see what people really have a problem with, because their own happy childhood is blinding them to what TTUAC actually teaches.

Rachel
  Reply With Quote
Old 05-29-2006, 11:55 PM   #19
RubySlippers
Deactivated
 
There's no place like home.
 
Join Date: May 2006
Posts: 9,128
RubySlippers has a reputation beyond reputeRubySlippers has a reputation beyond reputeRubySlippers has a reputation beyond reputeRubySlippers has a reputation beyond reputeRubySlippers has a reputation beyond reputeRubySlippers has a reputation beyond reputeRubySlippers has a reputation beyond reputeRubySlippers has a reputation beyond reputeRubySlippers has a reputation beyond reputeRubySlippers has a reputation beyond reputeRubySlippers has a reputation beyond repute
Default Re: Salon Article on Pearls

Quote:
Originally Posted by mommylinn
If the Pearl's didn't use it themselves, but instead used very creative positive means to raise their kids, they why did they not write a book about that? I'd sure like to read some creative and humourus responses to our kids behaviour . Instead it seems they wrote a book advocating 100% compliance to a single method.
And many of their followers only get this one method from the book. They point to the Pearl's children as proof that spanking/switching works. I've heard Pearl advocates consistently respond to parenting questions with "spanking" as the method of discipline while continually going back to the Proverbs as 'proof'. No creativity there. I've even heard some say that if spanking doesn't "work", keep doing it, because even if you don't see it work, it is God's will and you should be faithful because you don't know the outcome in the future (when it's supposedly going to work).
RubySlippers is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 05-30-2006, 05:48 AM   #20
hsgbdmama
Deactivated
 
Yeah, it's winter here ...
 
Join Date: May 2005
Location: *Wis*consin
Posts: 11,919
hsgbdmama has a reputation beyond reputehsgbdmama has a reputation beyond reputehsgbdmama has a reputation beyond reputehsgbdmama has a reputation beyond reputehsgbdmama has a reputation beyond reputehsgbdmama has a reputation beyond reputehsgbdmama has a reputation beyond reputehsgbdmama has a reputation beyond reputehsgbdmama has a reputation beyond reputehsgbdmama has a reputation beyond reputehsgbdmama has a reputation beyond repute
Default Re: Salon Article on Pearls

Quote:
Originally Posted by calmom
I've even heard some say that if spanking doesn't "work", keep doing it, because even if you don't see it work, it is God's will and you should be faithful because you don't know the outcome in the future (when it's supposedly going to work).
Or to "spank harder," "spank 'em like ya really mean it," start using implements (i.e., wooden spoons/paddles) or switch to a bigger/harder implement.
hsgbdmama is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 05-30-2006, 07:13 AM   #21
Danette
Guest
 
 
Posts: n/a
Default Re: Salon Article on Pearls

Quote:
And many of their followers only get this one method from the book.
That was me. I could read a whole parenting book that gave lots of great suggestions but if it had one sentence in it about spanking that's all I would hold on to. Why is that?? I guess because it was something I could do without planning ahead or coming up with an idea on the spot. I think it gave me a sense of control when I was feeling out of control. I spanked to get a reaction out of my child that was equal to the reaction I was having over their misbehavior.

Ok... I'm off to go hug and kiss on my kids... I'll let you know how many times they roll their eyes.
  Reply With Quote
Old 05-30-2006, 08:37 AM   #22
hey mommy
Rose Garden
 
I am so hopelessly in love..
 
Join Date: May 2006
Location: Chillin' in the California hills
Posts: 24,705
hey mommy has a reputation beyond reputehey mommy has a reputation beyond reputehey mommy has a reputation beyond reputehey mommy has a reputation beyond reputehey mommy has a reputation beyond reputehey mommy has a reputation beyond reputehey mommy has a reputation beyond reputehey mommy has a reputation beyond reputehey mommy has a reputation beyond reputehey mommy has a reputation beyond reputehey mommy has a reputation beyond repute
Default Re: Salon Article on Pearls

Yep, my own sister told me that I wasn't spanking DS hard enough. I told her one day about ds doing something and she said "welll, spank him". I said "I did, it didn't do any good". She said "well, then you didn't spank him hard enough".. What????? Good Grief.. She's really gonna flip next month when she discovers I no longer spank AT ALL... And, no, she isn't a Pearl follower...
__________________

Janice (ISFP), single-mommy to Cias(11) Samuel( 4) and 2 babies in heaven

Scully: You know, there is life on this planet.
Mulder: I've seen the life on this planet, Scully, that's why I'm looking elsewhere.

A

Check out my NEW facebook page.
I am now a Plexus Ambassador.
hey mommy is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 05-30-2006, 05:05 PM   #23
Wholly Mama
Guest
 
 
Posts: n/a
Default Re: Salon Article on Pearls

185 letters later....
I've come away from the letters section a bit shell-shocked. It's sad to me that it's such a divisive issue. I, too, love what Jeri had to say. After years of striving toward gentle parenting and going through "anti-whoever" phases, I've come to a peace over my parenting. I don't need to bash anyone else in order to be a good parent. I think that Pearl followers are not evil people, just perhaps misled.
It was hard reading all of those Christian bashing letters. It was hard to see over and over again the spanked child vs. the wild child, as if those are the only two options. Why is it that Americans still believe that spanking is the only means of enforcing a boundary?
My issue with the Pearls is not necessarily their child training ways, but their skewed theology which places fathers/Michael Pearl in a god-like status, who is able to train the sin out of his children.
Meggan. I am so proud of you. You have been so brave to come forward with these two articles. I love you, sister!
  Reply With Quote
Old 05-30-2006, 05:11 PM   #24
TulipMama
Deactivated
 
 
Join Date: Mar 2005
Posts: 5,800
TulipMama is on a distinguished road
Default Re: Salon Article on Pearls

Quote:
I've even heard some say that if spanking doesn't "work", keep doing it, because even if you don't see it work, it is God's will and you should be faithful because you don't know the outcome in the future (when it's supposedly going to work).
*nods*

And I find this disturbing. I do believe we can trust God, even when we don't understand. But following a "command" based on weak translation of one section of Scripture, when it is at odds with the rest of God's special revelation and at odds with what we see in God's creation? Very disturbing.
TulipMama is offline   Reply With Quote
Reply

Bookmarks

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump


All times are GMT -7. The time now is 10:41 PM.


A variety of opinions and ideas are shared on GCM. Personal experiences, suggestions, and tips found here are in no way intended to substitute for medical counsel from a healthcare professional. Always use your own good judgement and seek professional advice when in doubt about a health concern.

Amazon.com affiliate link

Copyright 1997-2014 by Gentle Christian Mothers™
An alternative-minded, evangelical Christian community supporting attachment parenting and natural living.

Do not post content elsewhere.
http://www.gentlechristianmothers.com/community/

Some smilies created and copyrighted by Mazeguy.
Some smilies and avatars created and copyrighted by flowermama and children -- do not use elsewhere.

Soli Deo Gloria
To God only wise, be glory through Jesus Christ for ever. Amen. ~ Romans 16:27 (KJV)

Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.3
Copyright ©2000 - 2017, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.