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Unprepared for Parenting (Ezzos, Pearls, Etc.) *Public* Support and information for those affected by the Ezzos, the Pearls, and other punitive and adversarial methods of child-rearing. A public forum. Before posting here, please read this sticky and keep guideline 23 in mind:
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06-20-2011, 02:28 AM | #76 |
Rose Trellis
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Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: This side of the black stump
Posts: 2,428
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Re: Spanking "works"
I've read only the first two pages of replies, but wanted to say,
I didn't really realise spanking (well, hand-slapping) wasn't working until I stopped It's partly what some others here have said: seeing what I wanted to see. It's also that it did 'work' (stop the undesired behaviour) *some of the time*. I started reading about clicker training about the same time I discovered GD (unrelated, just coincidence) and they talk a lot about behaviourist models (of course - they're animal trainers). So you can encourage a behaviour by using rewards or punishments, but the *most effective* way is to use 'intermittent rewards'. Generally they wouldn't try to teach this to an amateur trainer, though, 'cause it's not easy to get right, and continual rewards works perfectly well. The thing is, when my son was *sometimes* responding to punishment the way I wanted, that was giving *me* intermittent reward for the hand-slapping - thus encouraging me to keep trying to figure out how to make it 'work' all the time - but I believed, and would have said, that it was working
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The Following 5 Users Say Thank You to Tasmanian Saint For This Useful Post: | BarefootBetsy (06-20-2011), nadezhda (06-27-2011), NewCovenantMama (06-22-2011), raisa (06-20-2011), SweetCaroline (06-20-2011) |
06-20-2011, 05:23 AM | #77 | |
Deactivated
Join Date: Apr 2008
Posts: 11,787
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Re: Spanking "works"
Quote:
Anyway, also about the first part. I've always wondered how spanking could cause people to start lying and being deceptive. But it's because my parents never spanked me for telling them what happened. The one time I lied to my parents was when I got spanked. I didn't do what they told me to do (clean my room) and then when they asked if I had I told them yes.... They went to check because I evidently wasn't a good liar and I got spanked and I remember thinking "man, they don't trust me at all when I lie" I didn't want to break that trust again, so I tried to always tell them the truth. I got spanked two more times in my life.... one was when my parents had told me and my nephew (same age) not to spit on each other and I turned around and spit on him out of spite (I remember that well) but I don't remember getting a spanking for it... The other time was not really a spanking by it was the only time I remember my mother getting "angry" with me.... it felt like an emotional spanking to myself if that makes sense. I didn't want to disappoint her because she was so trusting and respectful to me. BUT I lost it one day when she was trying to help me with piano lessons I didn't want to even take and I started yelling at her and telling her she couldn't make me and I was going to run away and tell the police she had abused me (I was like, 9) she told me to go ahead, she'd help me pack and she'd call the police for me. So basically, they GBD'd me, even in the times I was spanked if that makes sense. |
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06-20-2011, 06:11 PM | #78 |
Rose Garden
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: Northern Virginia
Posts: 10,090
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Re: Spanking "works"
I may or may not have said that to a former pastor when he told me that the Bible says to spank.
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