What does Pearl actually teach?

[klpmommy]

I think gently pointing out other things that work can start to open a Pearl follower's mind. but trying to tell them they are wrong or being dangerous can shut off further communication. Prayer is the best, however.

Sometimes someone who is following Pearl or another program just doesn't know about other alternatives. One of the reasons I think spanking is lazy parenting is b/c it is an easy formula to follow. Kid does wrong, kid gets spanked. Whereas PP/GD etc is kid does wrong, mom figures out solutions and implements them. Like with the scissors, the easiest solution is for mom to keep them out of reach and give child opportunities to explore. But that requires more work than spanking, you know?

[Taedareth]

Hmm food for thought.

About spinning off - we could do that. But I think the previous few pages have done a good job of answering the original question, and it's fine with me if the discussion develops organically to explore related issues

[Hermana Linda]

I have a “To Train Up A Child” chapter by chapter review on my website which someone might find helpful.

[tofufoofoo]

Originally Posted by mountainash

Thank God my husband insisted we not hit or spank. He's the only person I would have submitted to on that front. His gentle insistence forced me to find gentle ways to respond to my son and soon I realized that there were better ways.

Thank God my son has a corn allergy--I wouldn't have found MDC or GCM if I hadn't been looking to these sites for tips on how to avoid corn.

Grace got through to me sometime around December of 2007. After that, I began to see God as a gentle Father and parenting otherwise seemed absurd.

Thank you for sharing

[duckwithoneleg]

Originally Posted by hopeforchange

i remember thinking that about the daycare kids i watched. i thought, "how can they understand what 'no' means without being spanked?" sadly enough, the ppl i went to church with, at the time, were encouraging me to find ways to "discipline" the babies that the cameras wouldn't see, like pinching them under their arms when i went to pick them up. these were babies in the infant room! at least i was smart enough to realize that i couldn't do things like that to kids that weren't mine.

i am so glad i found GCM before my dd got old enough to "discipline".

i'm so glad you didn't do that!!! i used to work in daycare, and some workers were wonderful and some were... but they were all . pretty much all the time.

the ones were enough to convince me that when i have kids, they will be at home with me if we all have to live in a box to make that work

anyway, it makes me and and that people suggested that to you. to pinch them under their arms and such! besides all the things we know about GBD and how that pain would have affected those little ones - if you ever got caught, you would have been in a mess of trouble!

so glad you chose not to do that!

[Taedareth]

ITA. I was thinking, the babies wouldn't learn not to engage in undesirable behaviors. They would only learn to be afraid of adults touching them

[hopeforchange]

I know, it's awful! I'm glad those ppl were no longer in my life when I had dd. that was totally a God thing.

[Momys]

On a big family on-line forum I visited for a while, I found that the blanket solution to anything was: "Treat it as a discipline issue. Expect first time obedience with a happy attitude." This was all "undercover talk" for the Pearls. I mentioned in a thread that my goal for the new year is to parent my children with grace and to extend and model God's grace to them. A mom told me on the forum that I was deceived and that I need to search the Scriptures and follow my husband's lead in disciplining our children (I never mentioned my husband) and a number of moms PM'ed me suggesting TTUAC. I left the forum.

[naechelle]

I was given this book (TTUAC) by another mum when I first started homeschooling my children. She told me it was a 'homeschoolers bible' I read the first few chapters and they made me sick, and very,very angry. I agree that they messed with my head. I obsessed over it all the time, and even though I knew it was wrong, started to question my decision to Grace base parent. Just as spending time on GCM helps me to be a better Mamma, reading that book made me a worse Mamma. I read a lot of it aloud to my DH and me eldest DD and they both couldn't believe it.

I have had the same experience with parents with large families.....one mother of 7 recently told me that; "the bible doesn't tell us to be 'nice mothers', it really tells us to beat the crap out of our children"...I know she doesn't do that to her children, but it made me wonder if she reads the same bible as me?!

I think that sometimes people don't realise that there is another way...they think grace based parenting is permissive parenting, until it is explained to them. That is where we have an opportunity to share with them. I am so grateful for my dear friend who shared this site with me so I could give what I knew was right in my heart, and the way I chose to parent , a name. It also gave me the tools to be able to share with others.

I too urge reading with caution and much prayer covering...

Renee

~mwah~ to you.

xo

[MomtoJGJ]

Originally Posted by Momys

On a big family on-line forum I visited for a while, I found that the blanket solution to anything was: "Treat it as a discipline issue. Expect first time obedience with a happy attitude." This was all "undercover talk" for the Pearls. I mentioned in a thread that my goal for the new year is to parent my children with grace and to extend and model God's grace to them. A mom told me on the forum that I was deceived and that I need to search the Scriptures and follow my husband's lead in disciplining our children (I never mentioned my husband) and a number of moms PM'ed me suggesting TTUAC. I left the forum.

Seeing this... is it the Pearl's or is it someone else who does "obey the right way, right away, with a happy heart?" or something along those lines. I know my church does SACH so it might come from that. Trying to see the "undercover" things I need to look for... or do Pearl followers just right out do these things? (like the wooden spoon stuff I've seen)

[Hermana Linda]

Pearl followers typically do not do any discipline in public. This is what I consider red flags: Very soft spoken, gentle parents who never raise their voices. No matter how softly they speak to their child and no matter how busy the child may be, their child will cheerfully respond, "Okay Mommy" and obey immediately. Very young children will sit quietly for hours. They also tend to be crunchy. The lady I knew was breastfeeding and using EC with her toddler.

[Taedareth]

Whoa! Then how do you distinguish them from GD'ers?

Interesting... the Pearl mama of my acquaintance is also a super crunchy person. She's having a home birth and I think she's planning to homeschool. She's got a DVD on herbalism that she says was made by Pearl's daughter.

What kind of relationship do the Pearls have with their children? I thought I read somewhere on GCM that they are estranged from their adult children?

[jewelmcjem]

That's the Ezzos.

[Taedareth]

The Ezzos are estranged from their adult children? Ok so what ages are the Pearl kids and what kind of relationship do they have from their parents?