My parent's confession.......

10-29-2005, 03:55 PM

during their recent visit here. I am still in shock!!!! I grew up very "detached" to my parents. I know now that that was they only "way" they knew how to parent, because that's what they were told at the time. My dad was sooooooo apologetic to me. He says he felt sooooooo bad for how they parented us. They said if they had to do it all again they would've do so many things different......spend more time together as a family, do family prayer/bible study, found the money to send us to private Christian schools, go on more family vacations (instead of mom and dad going and leaving the kids at home), showed us much more affection. They even got into baby stuff.........breastfeeding, holding the baby more, etc! It was just really amazing. My dad says he feels he missed out on so much since they put their marriage first, and kids second. They never were involved in our lives. They never spanked (well, not much), but just provided our basic needs! My dad says he's so proud of me and how happy my kids are, how we are focusing ours lives in Christ, etc! I just can't believe it!

Edit to add that I just realized that I should've posted this in Unprepared for parenting, so please move it if necessary! AND that as a result of my paren'ts parenting skills, all 4 of us kids were messed up for a while, and 3 out of 4 of us have found our own way back to Christ. We all struggled deeply. All of us got heavily involved in drugs, alcohol, broken relationships, etc. We all attributed it to how we were parented.

zak · 10-29-2005, 06:16 PM

Amazing that they apologized. Many parents would never admit to their wrong doings...

Radosny Matka · 10-29-2005, 08:07 PM

Sounds as if your parents truly do love you!

ArmsOfLove · 10-29-2005, 10:29 PM

that must have been so healing for you all

I'll go ahead and move it for you

TulipMama · 10-30-2005, 06:09 AM

Beautiful. *hug*

I know my MIL thinks I don't discipline because I don't spank. One of the things that encourages me is my Mom telling me how much she regrets having followed the advice to spank, because it was the "Christian" thing to do.

CelticJourney · 10-30-2005, 11:10 AM

Wonderful that you could break the cycle! And

that your parents understand! Sounds like they are in need of some grace right now themselves.

Maggie · 10-30-2005, 12:14 PM

10-30-2005, 12:17 PM

That's wonderful!

Soliloquy · 11-01-2005, 07:30 AM

That is so beautiful! What a blessing for all of you!

Thank you SO MUCH for sharing!

11-06-2005, 12:37 AM

That is really wonderful! I know my mother has relayed much the same to me & it has been so healing!

Tina

happy2bmama · 11-09-2005, 07:05 PM

WOW! That's awesome!!

QuiltinGramma · 11-17-2005, 11:38 PM

I can relate to your parents. I pretty much apologized to my daughter during her second year in college. I told her not to raise her children like I/we had raised her and her brother. I knew nothing of gentle disciplining, I just saw a young couple discipline their children in love and respect. Even though I breastfed both kids ( my son definitely not long enough and my daughter could have gone longer...except that she would put her hand down my shirt shouting "eat, eat." Really embarrassing, so not knowing what to do, I stopped.)

I'm happy to say Amber is a GCM and I'm very proud of the way she and her dh are parenting my beautiful grandson. I sure wish that I would have had GCM back when my babies were babies, but since it wasn't, I'm learning to be a GCGM (Gentle Christian Grand Ma).

cobluegirl · 11-18-2005, 12:13 AM

That is great! Must mean that you are doing something right!!

TulipMama · 11-18-2005, 02:59 PM

I'm so blessed reading your post, QuiltinGramma.

11-20-2005, 07:07 AM

How wonderful!!! That must have been so affirming and healing for you. My father was VERY punitive as a father, and unpredictable, and I have issues due to that... but this year after Passover (when I was terrified that my 2 yo would do something to "need a spanking" as she was so restless) he said to me, "I see what you're trying to do with your children, and I want you to know that I really respect it." He said he wishes he'd done things differently, but just didn't know any better. It went a long way with me to hear that.

I was blessed by you sharing this, as I've been really angry with my father this week (we're visiting) and I really needed to re-visit that positive moment. So thank you so much for sharing... I really needed to hear this and I am praising G-d!!

10-29-2005, 03:55 PM	#1
purplerose Guest Posts: n/a	My parent's confession....... during their recent visit here. I am still in shock!!!! I grew up very "detached" to my parents. I know now that that was they only "way" they knew how to parent, because that's what they were told at the time. My dad was sooooooo apologetic to me. He says he felt sooooooo bad for how they parented us. They said if they had to do it all again they would've do so many things different......spend more time together as a family, do family prayer/bible study, found the money to send us to private Christian schools, go on more family vacations (instead of mom and dad going and leaving the kids at home), showed us much more affection. They even got into baby stuff.........breastfeeding, holding the baby more, etc! It was just really amazing. My dad says he feels he missed out on so much since they put their marriage first, and kids second. They never were involved in our lives. They never spanked (well, not much), but just provided our basic needs! My dad says he's so proud of me and how happy my kids are, how we are focusing ours lives in Christ, etc! I just can't believe it! Edit to add that I just realized that I should've posted this in Unprepared for parenting, so please move it if necessary! AND that as a result of my paren'ts parenting skills, all 4 of us kids were messed up for a while, and 3 out of 4 of us have found our own way back to Christ. We all struggled deeply. All of us got heavily involved in drugs, alcohol, broken relationships, etc. We all attributed it to how we were parented.

10-29-2005, 06:16 PM	#2
zak Administrator Friend of the Fellowship Join Date: Mar 2005 Location: The South Posts: 33,212	Re: My parent's confession....... Amazing that they apologized. Many parents would never admit to their wrong doings... __________________ -zak Wife to MrZak Mama to the ZakKids - 2005, 2007, 2010, 2012 and 2017 Dedicated GCMer since 2003 Administrator and Moderating Cradled, Babes, Breastfeeding, Beautiful Mothers and Circumcision

10-29-2005, 08:07 PM	#3
Radosny Matka Rose Garden I am so blessed! Join Date: Mar 2005 Location: somewhere between sane and crazy Posts: 26,922	Re: My parent's confession....... Sounds as if your parents truly do love you! __________________ Sara Wife to Love of my life 8/98 Momma to my precious children: N 17 years, P 13 years, O 5 years! Remembering our babies: 12/98 9/99 12/09 1/17

10-29-2005, 10:29 PM	#4
ArmsOfLove Rose Garden Join Date: Mar 2005 Posts: 79,607	Re: My parent's confession....... that must have been so healing for you all I'll go ahead and move it for you __________________ Crystal "When someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time." Maya Angelou

10-30-2005, 06:09 AM	#5
TulipMama Deactivated Join Date: Mar 2005 Posts: 5,796	Re: My parent's confession....... Beautiful. hug I know my MIL thinks I don't discipline because I don't spank. One of the things that encourages me is my Mom telling me how much she regrets having followed the advice to spank, because it was the "Christian" thing to do.

10-30-2005, 11:10 AM	#6
CelticJourney Administrator Join Date: Mar 2005 Posts: 34,561	Re: My parent's confession....... Wonderful that you could break the cycle! And that your parents understand! Sounds like they are in need of some grace right now themselves. __________________ Elizabeth "Truth without love is divisive and hurtful & love without truth is anemic"--Pastor Estep Arise, cry out in the night...pour out your heart like water in the presence of the Lord; Lift up your hands to him for the lives of your children..; Lamentations 2:19

10-30-2005, 12:14 PM	#7
Maggie Deactivated love Join Date: Mar 2005 Posts: 23,071	Re: My parent's confession.......

10-30-2005, 12:17 PM	#8
Countrymama Guest Posts: n/a	Re: My parent's confession....... That's wonderful!

11-01-2005, 07:30 AM	#9
Soliloquy Rose Garden Why climb a mountain? Because it's there! Join Date: Mar 2005 Location: Selkirk Mountains Posts: 52,860	Re: My parent's confession....... That is so beautiful! What a blessing for all of you! Thank you SO MUCH for sharing!

11-06-2005, 12:37 AM	#10
asher Guest Posts: n/a	Re: My parent's confession....... That is really wonderful! I know my mother has relayed much the same to me & it has been so healing! Tina

11-09-2005, 07:05 PM	#11
happy2bmama Deactivated Join Date: Mar 2005 Posts: 1,161	Re: My parent's confession....... WOW! That's awesome!!

11-17-2005, 11:38 PM	#12
QuiltinGramma Rose Garden Join Date: Nov 2005 Location: Nyssa, Oregon (southeastern part of the state) Posts: 6,020	Re: My parent's confession....... I can relate to your parents. I pretty much apologized to my daughter during her second year in college. I told her not to raise her children like I/we had raised her and her brother. I knew nothing of gentle disciplining, I just saw a young couple discipline their children in love and respect. Even though I breastfed both kids ( my son definitely not long enough and my daughter could have gone longer...except that she would put her hand down my shirt shouting "eat, eat." Really embarrassing, so not knowing what to do, I stopped.) I'm happy to say Amber is a GCM and I'm very proud of the way she and her dh are parenting my beautiful grandson. I sure wish that I would have had GCM back when my babies were babies, but since it wasn't, I'm learning to be a GCGM (Gentle Christian Grand Ma). __________________ wife for 40 years to dear hubby-pastor and retired Navy chaplain mom to DS & DD (Amber) now grown, to Dixie Lee, a 3 yr old French Brittany, Magnolia (Maggie), 4 month old French Brittany and gramma to 4 wonderful grandBOYS and 1 foster granddaughter

11-18-2005, 12:13 AM	#13
cobluegirl Rose Garden never be afraid of who you were meant to be Join Date: Mar 2005 Location: Colorado Posts: 43,819	Re: My parent's confession....... That is great! Must mean that you are doing something right!! __________________ T4/1 ISTJ Enneagram 9 Ds-T4/2 Dd1-T1/4 Dd2-T2/1 The greatest challenge for most of us is believing that we are worthy now, right this minute. Worthiness doesn't have prerequisites. ~Brene Brown "The Gifts of Imperfection"[/CENTER]

11-18-2005, 02:59 PM	#14
TulipMama Deactivated Join Date: Mar 2005 Posts: 5,796	Re: My parent's confession....... I'm so blessed reading your post, QuiltinGramma.

11-20-2005, 07:07 AM	#15
Collinsky Guest Posts: n/a	Re: My parent's confession....... How wonderful!!! That must have been so affirming and healing for you. My father was VERY punitive as a father, and unpredictable, and I have issues due to that... but this year after Passover (when I was terrified that my 2 yo would do something to "need a spanking" as she was so restless) he said to me, "I see what you're trying to do with your children, and I want you to know that I really respect it." He said he wishes he'd done things differently, but just didn't know any better. It went a long way with me to hear that. I was blessed by you sharing this, as I've been really angry with my father this week (we're visiting) and I really needed to re-visit that positive moment. So thank you so much for sharing... I really needed to hear this and I am praising G-d!!

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