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Unprepared for Parenting (Ezzos, Pearls, Etc.) *Public* Support and information for those affected by the Ezzos, the Pearls, and other punitive and adversarial methods of child-rearing. A public forum. Before posting here, please read this sticky and keep guideline 23 in mind:
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02-24-2010, 05:09 PM | #1 |
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Yep. I'm a 3.
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so...just how DOES a person wind up hurting their children?
(an old blog post from a no-longer maintained blog)
According to Wikipedia...these are the characteristics of someone who will torture another person. Motivation to torture It was long thought that "good" people would not torture and only "bad" ones would, under normal circumstances. Research over the past 50 years suggests a disquieting alternative view, that under the right circumstances and with the appropriate encouragement and setting, most people can be encouraged to actively torture others. Stages of torture mentality include:
Last edited by Wonder Woman; 02-24-2010 at 05:11 PM. |
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02-24-2010, 05:12 PM | #2 |
Rose Garden
Srsly?
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Re: so...just how DOES a person wind up hurting their children?
Yes. The same way it led to slavery barbarous treatment of other humans.
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02-24-2010, 05:41 PM | #3 | |
Rose Garden
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Re: so...just how DOES a person wind up hurting their children?
There was a TED talk that related to this topic. Link broken because it's very graphic.
http://www. ted.com/talks/lang/eng/philip_zimbardo_on_the_psychology_of_evil.html This reminds me of something Waybe Jacobsen said once about how (paraphrasing) institutions don't make for healthy Christians just like they don't make for healthy children. I know...That's really biased. I'm speaking as an unschooling unchurched individual, can ya tell? But the truth remains that no one should restrict themselves to socializing only with people who believe as they do. We're meant to be a salad bowl, not a melting pot. There's a Mark Twain quote that says, "Travel is fatal to prejudice, bigotry, and narrow-mindedness.” Similarly, I believe going outside of our comfort zones socially is crucial to the destruction of violence provoking paradigms. This brings to mind Hebrews 13:11-14 Quote:
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Last edited by mountainash; 02-26-2010 at 06:12 PM. |
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02-24-2010, 06:47 PM | #4 |
Rose Garden
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Re: so...just how DOES a person wind up hurting their children?
I was speaking to my dh about the prison experiment just the other night. It was in regard to something else, but it really makes sense with authoritarian parenting styles, too. Parents take the God-given authority over their children, and begin to wield it negatively and lord it over them. Because the parent knows that the authority was given legitimately, they don't see their actions as wrong -- and the further you go with it, the more warped and wrapped up in it you become. You literally can't see it as wrong.
Thanks for sharing that article, it had some good insights into the psychological elements of this kind of abuse.
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02-25-2010, 12:12 AM | #5 |
Rose Garden
Bar/Bat Mitzvah picture with husband Michael.
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Re: so...just how DOES a person wind up hurting their children?
bad company corrupts good morals
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Heather ESFJ T4 Messianic Joshua-13 Christina- 11 Amalia Linda-8.5 Trinity-7 Gabriel-5 w/ADHD, ASD & Dyslexia Taylor Jordan11/15/04 SkyeDakota10/12/05 Life is a pile of good things & bad things The good things don't always soften the bad things but the bad things don't necessarily spoil the good things |
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02-25-2010, 05:55 PM | #6 |
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Re: so...just how DOES a person wind up hurting their children?
Wow. I just watched this, and I am . . . . . well, traumatized. I actually had a memory that surprised me, one I hadn't thought about in years. It didn't seem like it fit, but, I guess "it starts with 15 volts". I was talking with a lovely momma, who I knew to be gentle and sweet and nice. She had, some weeks ago, given birth to twin boys. One of them was just out of the ICU and at home, for about 4 weeks. She started talking about the differences in them. She said that one child was so sweet and wonderful, and just cooed and smiled when she changed his diaper. She said that the other twin once "gave a scream that was obviously temper, and I swatted him on his naked bottom right quick! I wasn't having *any* of that in my house! I didn't hurt him, I just got his attention. He didn't do it again!" Now, I was still in the throes of Gothard-ism and reading the Pearl materials (I do not think this momma did that, but was definitely a hardcore conservative fundie -- like me ), and I thought I would throw up. This baby twin boy. . . . .four weeks out of the ICU, just born. . . . .
And, I also remembered that, like me, she had an almost grown son, who had, after he was old enough for the courts to listen to him, left to live with his dad. I remembered her once saying (just matter--of--fact) that his dad didn't have a lot of rules, which was most likely why he wanted to live with him. I also remember having had that son in AWANA, and I remembered thinking that he had a few "issues", and acted scarily like my own son (who, if I had to self-dx now, after years of study and experience under my belt, had at least a mild form of Asperberger's). I had a soft spot for him, since, like our whole church, spanking was *THE* form of discipline, and "mental" issues did not exist, they were just "sin" problems, that spanking "fixed". This all came flooding back to me like vomit when he said, "It starts with 15 volts", and I started to think about how children are taught to obey authority (men in white coats, men in police uniforms, teachers, etc., etc.) blindly, and I thought of Alice Miller's book "For Your Own Good." And I just sit here and I also remembered just when and how *I* crossed that line. : bheart Never mind my own son not recovering from what I did, but I will never recover, either. |
02-25-2010, 06:00 PM | #7 |
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Proverbs are proverbial.
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Re: so...just how DOES a person wind up hurting their children?
Oh Chris3jam.
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02-25-2010, 06:18 PM | #8 |
Rose Garden
I am so hopelessly in love..
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Location: Chillin' in the California hills
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Re: so...just how DOES a person wind up hurting their children?
Like the Germans and the holocaust.
I'll have to watch the video later. My adorable boy needs homework help. |
02-26-2010, 02:38 PM | #9 | |
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1 Imitate God, therefore, in everything that you do, because you are his dear children.
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Location: Alabama
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Re: so...just how DOES a person wind up hurting their children?
Quote:
You might want to mark that link as sensitive. I was not prepared for that. |
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02-26-2010, 02:45 PM | #10 | |
Rose Trellis
...and you shall nurse, you shall be carried upon her hip, and bounced upon her knees...
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Re: so...just how DOES a person wind up hurting their children?
Quote:
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02-26-2010, 11:54 PM | #12 | |
Climbing Rose
Join Date: Aug 2009
Location: Southeast Oklahoma - is anybody out there?
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Re: so...just how DOES a person wind up hurting their children?
Quote:
Yes, I think he does... I also think of God's wrath. And I think His wrath against those who promote the harm of children in His Name will be frightening to behold.
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Blessed wife to BK Loving mama to JW (October 2008) NK (June 2013) and MK (May 2015) Longing to hold my three s in heaven (Feb 2011, June 2011, July 2012) AP'ing, co-sleeping, CLW, no-circ, selectively vaccinating, and learning gentleness in parenting every day! LOVE LETS LIVE |
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02-27-2010, 12:32 AM | #13 |
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You know how we say, "It works both ways!"
Join Date: Jul 2006
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Re: so...just how DOES a person wind up hurting their children?
I know that I struggled with not believing that my children -really- hear me when I'm yelling at them. That they're oblivious and that's why they act the way they do. If I could just get through to them, if they had any understanding, then surely they would stop.
There's also the total lack of accountability. CPS -could- swoop in at any moment, but parents are alone with their children. There's no one there to raise an eyebrow at the right moment, or clear their throat, or say, "Hey, you know, that might be out of line." And so it's really easy to escalate from whatever your starting point might have been. Last edited by Rabbit; 05-22-2011 at 12:48 AM. |
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02-28-2010, 11:29 AM | #14 |
Rose Garden
I stand before you, DeFrocked!!
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Re: so...just how DOES a person wind up hurting their children?
Rabbit- ITA.
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This is me- and them- ds 'Maximus'- 7.5 yrs, and ds 'Minimus'- 5 yrs. "A normal, imperfect, LUMPEN human being!!" Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. and yet, one day Love himself barged into the Temple with a bullwhip and declared enough was enough. I will testify to Love. |
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