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Unprepared for Parenting (Ezzos, Pearls, Etc.) *Public* Support and information for those affected by the Ezzos, the Pearls, and other punitive and adversarial methods of child-rearing. A public forum. Before posting here, please read this sticky and keep guideline 23 in mind:
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04-28-2012, 04:28 PM | #1 |
Rose Garden
Join Date: Feb 2007
Posts: 6,944
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Blerg...had to write a letter
This is about CTBHHM, not parenting...but I think that the previous can lead into the latter and cause more damage.
I visited my old church while I was in Ohio last week and found that an older, "respected" woman in the church is teaching CTBHHM. Here is the letter I wrote to the pastor: Pastor S, I have been fighting writing this. I've wanted to say "not my business anymore" and go on with my life. But, I can not escape the unease of my spirit that I believe is the Lord prompting me to do something difficult and uncomfortable but important. So, here I go... While I was in BG I stayed with TT. T is one of my favorite people on the planet and I know her very well. I know her heart to please God and see L walking with Him, too. She shared with me some advice given to her by Grandma N. that ALARMED me. Advice to drink alcohol when her husband wanted her to, even though she had heard clearly from the Lord NOT to drink any more. Advice NEVER to discuss anything spiritual with him. Advice to "manipulate" (T's word, not N's) him with sex to get him to do more work/be closer to God/be happier. Advice to do anything "short of murder" if he asks her to. Then I heard about the book Grandma N is teaching from, Created to be his Helpmeet by Debi Pearl. This is a DANGEROUS book. I am happy to expound on my allegation and provide proof from the text, if you like. In short, the book claims that a husband's happiness, spiritual health, and leadership ability are 100% in the hands of the wife. This book also advocates the constant exposure of abused children to their abuser (when the husband is the abuser). Furthermore, the author promotes women avoiding friendship with other women because it can too easily become "more." I could go on and on but won't yet. The pastors of our church family in California (Tom and Sue Gaddis, Foursquare pastors for many, many, many years; they are highly respected in Foursquare and Sue has written quite a few books and is sought after as a minister and speaker) made a statement from the pulpit AGAINST this book when it came out years ago. Sue and Tom believe this book to be unbalanced and find Debi's interpretation of Scripture to be flawed. I asked Sue's permission to quote them and she encouraged me to do so and to speak against this book. This book does have a few moments of wisdom but on the whole it is dangerous and sets women and children up for abuse and sets a husband up for spiritual lameness. Again, I can expound on this with information from the text, if you like. Pastor S, I don't want to "stir a turd", as my dad would say. But I feel strongly enough about the dangers of this book that I am willing to cause a stink. I know that you have to field complaints from your congregation on a regular basis and I NEVER wanted to join them. I love Dayspring and respect you greatly. Melody
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Melody Married since 1999, rebuilding since June 2013 Hybrid Mommy to ds1 (12/02, SPD) dd (9/04) ds2 (10/07, C22 disorder) ds3 (5/08) ds4 (1/09) dd2 (9/11)
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04-28-2012, 05:01 PM | #2 |
Rose Garden
Join Date: Oct 2011
Posts: 5,271
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Re: Blerg...had to write a letter
that he's receptive.
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So there you have it- I'm an INTJ. Embracing my inner geek.
Doula in training. Momma to "Sister" 5yo "Scoomer" 3yo |
04-28-2012, 05:05 PM | #3 |
Rose Garden
"You are on the path...exactly where you are meant to be."
Join Date: Mar 2010
Location: Seeking Simplicity
Posts: 12,684
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Re: Blerg...had to write a letter
I think that was a very good letter
I also that he's receptive to what you had to say.
__________________
Barefooting through life with dh (2003), dd1 (11/05), dd2 (7/07), dd3 (11/09), and ds (8/13). Unless explicitly stated otherwise, any views or opinions presented in the above posts are solely those of BarefootBetsy, the GCM member, and do not necessarily represent the views or opinions of anyone else in the entire world. |
04-28-2012, 05:54 PM | #4 |
Rose Garden
Join Date: Apr 2006
Posts: 5,620
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Re: Blerg...had to write a letter
I also think it was a very good letter.
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Sara |
04-28-2012, 06:17 PM | #5 |
Deactivated
Join Date: Jun 2005
Posts: 4,751
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Re: Blerg...had to write a letter
Great job!
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04-29-2012, 03:47 AM | #6 |
Rose Trellis
Join Date: Feb 2007
Posts: 3,155
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Re: Blerg...had to write a letter
__________________
"A person's a person, no matter how small"--Dr Seuss |
04-29-2012, 08:36 AM | #7 |
Rose Garden
Join Date: Feb 2007
Posts: 6,944
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Re: Blerg...had to write a letter
Thanks. I have a fairly good relationship with the pastor. We maintain contact with the church and are renting our OH house to some of the new pastors (our OH house didn't sell before the tornado happened, and we weren't in a good head space to continue to do anything about it, so we offered it to the church for housing pastors and they needed it, so it all worked out...that was a bit of a ramble).
I'm not sure if he has read the book...goodness, I sure hope he hasn't because that would mean that he supports that garbage. I am good friends with 2 of the female pastors and they haven't read the book but are hesitant to trust the book and Grandma N. They know some of the things she "endured" through her 50 year marriage and don't see the godliness/benefit/Scriptural basis for her tolerating what she did. They don't think that Pastor S has read the book but is trusting his Teaching Pastor (whom I don't really trust). Our old church is ALL about GRACE so I don't know how they can continue to teach this book. I am just sick over it.
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Melody Married since 1999, rebuilding since June 2013 Hybrid Mommy to ds1 (12/02, SPD) dd (9/04) ds2 (10/07, C22 disorder) ds3 (5/08) ds4 (1/09) dd2 (9/11)
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04-29-2012, 08:41 AM | #8 |
Deactivated
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: Second star to the right, straight on til morning.
Posts: 6,571
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Re: Blerg...had to write a letter
I think you did a good job. I hope he hears you.
OT: I grew up Foursquare and that's the first time since leaving that church that I've come across someone who has heard of it. |
04-29-2012, 08:47 AM | #9 |
Rose Garden
"You are on the path...exactly where you are meant to be."
Join Date: Mar 2010
Location: Seeking Simplicity
Posts: 12,684
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Re: Blerg...had to write a letter
I've heard of Foursquare! I worked at a Christian camp one summer and several Foursquare groups came through They were really nice people That's about all I know though
__________________
Barefooting through life with dh (2003), dd1 (11/05), dd2 (7/07), dd3 (11/09), and ds (8/13). Unless explicitly stated otherwise, any views or opinions presented in the above posts are solely those of BarefootBetsy, the GCM member, and do not necessarily represent the views or opinions of anyone else in the entire world. |
04-29-2012, 08:53 AM | #10 |
Rose Garden
Join Date: Feb 2007
Posts: 6,944
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Re: Blerg...had to write a letter
I adore Foursquare. If I *had* to chose a denomination to be in forever, it would be Foursquare. If you haven't read about the beginnings of Foursquare, please do!! It was started by Amy Semple McPherson and she was quite a character and the controversy around her life is wonderfully exciting.
The denomination is very grace-focused and relationship focused. The pastors I've experienced are very much feelers and care so deeply for their congregants, even after they move across the country. It is a charismatic denomination and they have no qualms with women being pastors.
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Melody Married since 1999, rebuilding since June 2013 Hybrid Mommy to ds1 (12/02, SPD) dd (9/04) ds2 (10/07, C22 disorder) ds3 (5/08) ds4 (1/09) dd2 (9/11)
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04-29-2012, 11:33 AM | #11 |
Rose Bouquet
I really do love my kiddos!
Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: Spokane Valley, Wa
Posts: 799
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Re: Blerg...had to write a letter
Would love to know how he responded! I think it was a great letter!
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I have so far to go! |
04-29-2012, 11:41 AM | #12 | |
Deactivated
Peace be with you.
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: the sweet sunny south
Posts: 15,346
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Re: Blerg...had to write a letter
Quote:
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04-29-2012, 12:09 PM | #13 |
Rose Garden
Join Date: Oct 2009
Posts: 8,673
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Re: Blerg...had to write a letter
I am praying that it is received well..
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04-29-2012, 12:24 PM | #14 |
Rose Garden
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: North Eastern CA
Posts: 9,119
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Re: Blerg...had to write a letter
The fact that they have female pastors makes it sound to me that if they knew what was in that book, they'd be opposed to it.
I hope he responds well!
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~Emily INTJ, Type 4 Wife to D Mama to: E 12/05 L 7/08 Z 12/10 A 6/14 and J in heaven 2/10 Torah Keeping, Unschooling Family My blog on unschooling and family life: Peace On Dark Nights. |
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04-29-2012, 01:30 PM | #15 |
Climbing Rose
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: UK
Posts: 1,214
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Re: Blerg...had to write a letter
brilliant letter, well done.
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Happy mother to: DD- My Sunshine - Jan 2007 DS- My little pudding - July 2010 |
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