Is Dobson better with older kids (tween & up)?

[ThreeKids]

Originally Posted by klpmommy

right, i understand that. but what if John Doe (dad to tweens & teens)were to pick up one of his teen books having never read any of his other books.

Then, yes, it would be full of practical advice, but also the assumption that the teenage years will be full of rebellion. I didn't rebel, but my parents were heavily influenced that it was inevitable so I must just have hidden it better than other kids. It was quite frustrating to never be truly known by my own parents and not able to earn the amount of trust I deserved until I was an adult.

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About the influence of being adversaries with younger children on the parents later, I've seen it as my parents having their maturity stunted by Dobson influence. They are told by Dobson it is right and virtuous for them to fight these battles to the win. They should've learned to be more easy going during the time they had younger children, but they're elderly now and they're still having battles of will with their dogs.

[Sparrow]

I wonder what would happen though, if Dobson asked why the mom thought the girl was too young to shave her legs? Does he teacher parents how to evaluate their rules, to see if they really are valuable. Does Dobson understand that a 12 y/o girl with hairy legs is super conscious of her legs, and maybe her mother could have some sympathy rather than putting on the boxing gloves?

If another mom here posted that her daughter wanted to shave her legs at 12, and she thought it was too young, I'd wonder why? And work from there.

Keep in mind that my mom was shocked and horrified when she found out that at 13, I was shaving my legs and armpits.

I think I have a really, really, biased view

[klpmommy]

Originally Posted by Sparrow

I wonder what would happen though, if Dobson asked why the mom thought the girl was too young to shave her legs? Does he teacher parents how to evaluate their rules, to see if they really are valuable. Does Dobson understand that a 12 y/o girl with hairy legs is super conscious of her legs, and maybe her mother could have some sympathy rather than putting on the boxing gloves?

those are good points.

[hey mommy]

I think if my daughter or son wanted to shave, I'd show them the proper way to do it, rather than just fight against it. IME, they're going to do it anyway. I wanted to when I was 10, but no one would teach me. So I did it myself. I can still see the scar going up my shin from where I cut myself..

[StoryOfGrace]

Subbing, because this is good stuff!

[klpmommy]

Originally Posted by hey mommy

I think if my daughter or son wanted to shave, I'd show them the proper way to do it, rather than just fight against it.

I would, too. Because in the overall scheme of things, it is so minor. But I was surprised that it came from Dobson with my basic feelings of "don't sweat the small stuff" when it comes to parenting. That's where my curiousity comes in.

I'd never heard of Dobson or read any of his books for younger children. I have a large library of parenting books (all positive and gentle thankfully), but somehow missed any punitive ones mostly by luck. I almost bought every parenting book I came across in an effort to understand my children's "difficult" behavior. A year ago or so someone gave me his Bringing up Girls. I flicked though it and thought it looked good. It seemed to emphasize spending time with your daughters and had a lot about how important the Father/daughter relationship is. I think it is geared more towards teens. I didn't see any punitive thinking (or maybe I just missed it because I wasn't expecting it). I never did get around to actually reading all of it, I'm not sure why. Since reading about him on here I probably won't. I don't want any of his thinking to subconsciously sink into my brain.

[WanderingJuniper]

I haven't read any of Dobson's materials for older children. I suppose if you had no experience with his pre-established pov with authority, wills and battles that you could get decent stuff out of it if you didn't have a spirited child and already have a relational foundation with your child.

I've only read his stuff for youngers and it nearly destroyed the relationship I have with my oldest. With that history I couldn't pick up a Dobson book and spit out the bones for the meat.

[Thankfulforgrace]

Yeah, I'll say that I'm surprised he said that. Was he sure it was Dobson?

Now I haven't read stuff for parenting teens/tweens but I read his books directed towards teens. What icky, icky stuff. Messed me up.

[klpmommy]

Originally Posted by Thankfulforgrace

Yeah, I'll say that I'm surprised he said that. Was he sure it was Dobson?

That's a *very* good question. B/c it did come off as totally off character for Dr. Dobson. And hence my post.

The pastor didn't say "Yes, I'm 100% sure this is Dobson" But I *am* sure the pastor credited him.

[Sparrow]

We can put it to rest (sorta)

The psychologist's method is a mix of traditional parenting, biblical insights, and basic psychology--a traditionalism humanized by common sense and flexibility. His advice to a mother and 12-year-old daughter fighting bitterly over whether the young girl should be allowed to shave her legs: "Lady, buy your daughter a razor!"

I cut it from this site, link broken because I don't know what else is on here.

http://www.skeptictank.org /hs/dobson.htm

and

I'm reminded of a waitress who recognized me when I came into the restaurant where she worked. As a single mother, she had recently gone through severe struggles with her 12-year-old daughter, whom she identified as being very strong-willed.

"We have fought tooth and nail for this entire year," she said. "We argue nearly every night, and most of our fights are over the same issue."

I asked her what had caused the conflict, and she replied, "My daughter is still a little girl but she wants to shave her legs. I feel she's too young to be doing that and she becomes so angry that she won't even talk to me. This has been the worst year of our lives."


It is actually an article by Dobson. I won't post the link here, not sure if I can? But he said it.

[Hermana Linda]

You can post the link providing that it is not an active link. In order to prevent that, make sure you have a dash (-) right in front of the link without any spaces.

[joysworld]

Originally Posted by jandjmommy

I think the key phrase is "save this kind of battle" -- no matter the age, Dobson promotes an adversarial relationship -- parent vs. child. Even though letting her shave her legs to save the relationship seems like a great idea, it's not left at that -- the last direction feels like an urging to store up your ammo to force your way on them in bigger "battles".

I see it as more of picking your battles.

[CelticJourney]

Please remember that what a parent does with a teaching is not the same as the teaching - hopefully that's not clear as mud Yes, Dobson is adversarial, but no where near the extreme of Ezzo or Pearl.

I am sure there is no where that Dobson would indicate that a disagreement over clothing choice is a reason for war, only that when the 'battle is engaged, the parent must win'.

The core problem we have with that as non-punitive parents is that we believe in exercising our authority when necessary and in a way that is built on a trusting and solid relationship first, rather than dominance.

If someone had told me Ezzo or Pearl had made that comment I would be beyond shocked. Dobson, I can see it.

[Sparrow]

Originally Posted by CelticJourney

I am sure there is no where that Dobson would indicate that a disagreement over clothing choice is a reason for war, only that when the 'battle is engaged, the parent must win'.

I've seen him tell a woman to spank her daughter, for not wanting to wear her Sunday dress. In that instance it was disobedience.