Do you let your kids snack after supper?

[Rose5000]

Deanna your youngest rarely needing food after supper/dessert - I'm sure this is because she actually *ate* her dinner, huh?

---------- Post added at 11:36 PM ---------- Previous post was at 11:12 PM ----------

It's the grazing that leads to poor appetite for dinner. Dh wanted me to be sure and make it clear that He says no food after supper because child so often refuses to eat supper or just picks at it

Why is he not hungry for supper? Because we don't have regular meal schedule. Why? Because of me . It's too hard . So I let them help themselves. Leading to child not wanting what's set before him. . It's me. I'm the problem.

Also, Deanna, is that homemade bread in the morning? And how do you have fresh biscuits set out nite b4---leftover biscuits? Also what kind of yogurt do you feel has enough protein w/ o too much sweetener--please give flavors and brand names. Also what do you typically make for the rare sugary sweet dessert? And what do you allow the 12 yo to have when she "comes looking" before bed?

---------- Post added at 11:44 PM ---------- Previous post was at 11:36 PM ----------

I want to answer Sam Ross's question- his physique is wiry, as are his entire birth family. He rarely gets a cold .but he's tired all the time. I know it's becuz of his eating habits. That's why I'm sure I have to change and do something along the lines of Deanna's routine

---------- Post added at 11:54 PM ---------- Previous post was at 11:44 PM ----------

If you stocked unhealthy snack items would your kids mind you telling them it's off limits? I lock that kind of thing. Dh says our word should be the lock and key.....I think that expectation wrt treats is not age appropriate

---------- Post added 02-17-2015 at 12:26 AM ---------- Previous post was 02-16-2015 at 11:54 PM ----------

new question

do you find that your children tend to eat too much of an unhealthy snack if they haven't eaten proper amounts of protein, good carbs, and fats prior to the snack?

i have a love hate relationship with having "unhealthy" things in the house. i like them because they are easy and quick, but i hate them because the kids don't use self control in eating them.

[milkmommy]

I'm sure this is because she actually *ate* her dinner, huh?

Normally no.. its more my kids are very stubborn. While I do reasonably allow for substitutes I'm not a short order cook. So dislike the Chicken salad and potato.. Have some yogurt or and sandwich If though you request say a hamburger instead well the answer is no. OFten she'll decide she NEEDS something super complicated or that requires ingredients we simpily dont have. She decides instead she'll just go to bed. If in deed her missing the meal and going to bed causes enough hunger to wake at night then we deal.. Its seldom does.

---------- Post added at 06:23 PM ---------- Previous post was at 06:05 PM ----------

Also, Deanna, is that homemade bread in the morning? And how do you have fresh biscuits set out nite b4---leftover biscuits? Also what kind of yogurt do you feel has enough protein w/ o too much sweetener--please give flavors and brand names. Also what do you typically make for the rare sugary sweet dessert? And what do you allow the 12 yo to have when she "comes looking" before bed?

Bread yes homemade just basic my kids like plain things overall. I keep the bread like covered and such so not like sitting out getting hard..
We make our own yogurt in the crock pot and then just store in the fridge and use as needed. We like to do a greek style and again were pretty simple plain cultured yogurt to start and whole milk (no milk allergies here) we dont add sweeteners and use like fruit or sometimes a touch of honey on the individual serving if sweetness is desired. (I like the option of usig it for savory stuff too like dips for veggies and such.

the "rare" treats are
1)convential cereal which DH has daily but I try to reserve it for weekends with the girls. Mostly for cost reasons above anything else

2) pancake/waffle breakfast, Margaret would eat pancakes 20 times a day if she could but even going as "healthy" as possible etc its still a heavy hught sugar meal with syrup.

3) homemade dough nuts/cinnamon rolls saved for like holidays or birthday morning/special occasion treats Beloved by all but again too sweet for every day.

Cecilia before bed usual choices (that she'll eat)
fruit, cheese sticks, those 100 calorie packs of nuts, raw carrot sticks


Oh one fairly consistent "sweet" treat I do offer is a trail mix which I totally buy from Target there Monster mix which is peanuts raisins chocolate and peanut butter chips and like M&M type candies. This is our go to travel snack.

[Kiara.I]

Originally Posted by Rose5000

It's the grazing that leads to poor appetite for dinner. Dh wanted me to be sure and make it clear that He says no food after supper because child so often refuses to eat supper or just picks at it

Oh, so what? He wants it. That's nice. I want lots of things. Tell DH "No." and be done with it.

Originally Posted by Rose5000

Why is he not hungry for supper? Because we don't have regular meal schedule. Why? Because of me . It's too hard . So I let them help themselves. Leading to child not wanting what's set before him. . It's me. I'm the problem.

Stop. You are not the "problem." The "problem" is that your DH wants something that isn't reasonable, as you've confirmed. You could bend over backwards and guilt yourself out for not being able to meet his unreasonable expectations, or you can tell him his expectations are unreasonable and that you are in no way wiling to enforce them.

Originally Posted by Rose5000

If you stocked unhealthy snack items would your kids mind you telling them it's off limits? I lock that kind of thing. Dh says our word should be the lock and key.....I think that expectation wrt treats is not age appropriate

Sure they'd mind. I do it anyway. Sometimes they help themselves regardless. They're younger than yours.

Your word should be the lock and key. That's a great saying. It goes right along with lots of other pithy parenting sayings. Time to explain to your DH clearly, bluntly, that whatever he *thinks* his children should or should not be capable of at this age, what he needs to deal with is what they ARE capable of. If they are getting into treats they've been told to stay out of, then they're not capable of it. Meet them at their capabilities.

Originally Posted by Rose5000

do you find that your children tend to eat too much of an unhealthy snack if they haven't eaten proper amounts of protein, good carbs, and fats prior to the snack?

i have a love hate relationship with having "unhealthy" things in the house. i like them because they are easy and quick, but i hate them because the kids don't use self control in eating them.

*I* don't use self-control in eating unhealthy snacks. It's lovely if your children do, but I don't think it should be an expected thing, really.

[lucie]

Honestly, I don't think grazing is all the bad, if the stuff that's being grazed is healthy. Lot of times my kids eat just a few bites for dinner, but when I think of what they've eaten all afternoon, it makes a sufficient dinner (when I imagine it all on a plate at once). I know there are other issues at play here, but if grazing is what works (and it's not disruptive to family schedule), then why not. I myself eat three meals plus three snacks every day. I would be miserable if someone told me to skip the snacks and just eat more at meals.
For yogurt, we like the tillamook Greek yogurts. I don't know how it compares sugar-wise, but the rest of the ingredients are decent and it's pretty high protein.


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[Rose5000]

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[Kiara.I]

Originally Posted by Rose5000

Kiara by "mind" you I meant "obey " you.

Oh! No. Probably not. Well...some of them. Some days. Some times. Maybe. One kid would refrain, and the other would take. Now we're in a phase where that first kid will take too. But sometimes the other won't.

Originally Posted by Rose5000

I also want to say there must be something really wrong with me I thot for sure my last post her would have had bad reaction like you all agreeing that I'm doing things wrong why am I so paranoid?

Well, now, that's a good question. I mean, when you first posted this thread a year and a half ago, almost everybody said that they let their children have food before bed. So you had confirmation then that it wasn't a crazy idea or anything.

So, what tapes are you allowing to play in your head? Are you telling *yourself* over and over that you must be wrong? If so...why?

You don't need to hash that out here, of course, unless you want to. But I would encourage you to work HARD with Stacy specifically on how you talk *to yourself* about things. --What is your self-talk, is it helpful self-talk, if not, where did the not-helpful part come from (because knowing that is a useful part of changing it, not a reason to dwell on the past or blame others, just to know the starting triggers for it, you know?) and then, of course, how to *change* your self-talk to something that is useful and edifying and strengthening and holy.

[rjy9343]

I do not do snacks after supper because it is supper and then bed. If we allowed snacks she would be up until midnight.
That said if there were a few hours between meals and bed, then I would probably give her milk and something else protein heavy to ensure she stayed full. I also will feed her if she wakes up in the middle of the night and tells me she is hungry. I remember waking up at three or four in the morning hungry and having to wait until breakfast was served around eight. I was probably in a growth spurt those times and it was a long time.

---------- Post added at 09:24 PM ---------- Previous post was at 09:19 PM ----------

Your husband's expectations are a lot like mine before I became a mother and had to actually parent a real child. My theoretical child would have seen my words as the lock and key. My real child sees them as a minor challenge she can handle.
The problem is not feeding your children if they are hungry. The problem is unrealistic expectations.

[solatido]

My oldest is super picky. He rarely eats what is offered for dinner, though I do try to cook things he likes a few times a week. But he gets his choice for breakfast, lunch, and afternoon snack (toast/bread, peanut butter, cheese, eggs, green smoothies all in various forms). He concentrates his eating to those meals. I felt I needed to close the kitchen after dinner because he'd skip that for a snack. However if it is a birthday and there is cake he gets that of course! Just not any random snack 20 minutes after dinner, that was making me crazy! We aren't mean about it, I sat down with him to talk it out and he doesn't completely understand but he goes along with it. He is slowly starting to taste various dinner foods to earn stickers. And breakfast is now his favorite meal So dinner is our "just take a bite!" practice time which works for us.

[Rose5000]

Kiara,

wrt: "Sure they'd mind. I do it anyway. Sometimes they help themselves regardless. They're younger than yours."

--so, if you put in the cupboard snacks that are treats that are to be off-limits except by permission, and your kids get into 'em anyway, how do you respond/react?

[Kiara.I]

Originally Posted by Rose5000

Kiara,

wrt: "Sure they'd mind. I do it anyway. Sometimes they help themselves regardless. They're younger than yours."

--so, if you put in the cupboard snacks that are treats that are to be off-limits except by permission, and your kids get into 'em anyway, how do you respond/react?

Probably not well. Usually it's something along the lines of, "REALLY??? You took the chocolate chips? Really?"

And then I move them somewhere else for a while, since clearly the impulse control that I'd hoped for isn't there yet.

[Rose5000]

Originally Posted by Kiara.I

Probably not well. Usually it's something along the lines of, "REALLY??? You took the chocolate chips? Really?"

And then I move them somewhere else for a while, since clearly the impulse control that I'd hoped for isn't there yet.

and if you wanted to take a nap, could you?
I'd have to hide the questionables if I did.

oh, i misunderstood! you mean you move THE FOOD elsewhere! i get it. yeah, that's what I do.

---------- Post added at 08:38 PM ---------- Previous post was at 08:16 PM ----------

Originally Posted by rjy9343

I do not do snacks after supper because it is supper and then bed. If we allowed snacks she would be up until midnight.
That said if there were a few hours between meals and bed, then I would probably give her milk and something else protein heavy to ensure she stayed full. I also will feed her if she wakes up in the middle of the night and tells me she is hungry. I remember waking up at three or four in the morning hungry and having to wait until breakfast was served around eight. I was probably in a growth spurt those times and it was a long time.

---------- Post added at 09:24 PM ---------- Previous post was at 09:19 PM ----------

Your husband's expectations are a lot like mine before I became a mother and had to actually parent a real child. My theoretical child would have seen my words as the lock and key. My real child sees them as a minor challenge she can handle.
The problem is not feeding your children if they are hungry. The problem is unrealistic expectations.

you remember that? how young was that?[COLOR="Silver"]

Re: this post i made: "I also want to say there must be something really wrong with me I thot for sure my last post her would have had bad reaction like you all agreeing that I'm doing things wrong why am I so paranoid?" --

I guess by this post I meant I was fearful because I feel that I'm just not doing the food thing with kids RIGHT. I feel like I'm failing all around. on one hand, i try sometimes too hard to have no temptations in the house, and then my son told me last night that he wants to know why "everything has to be healthy.....you even took away my treats...." on another hand, I feel like i just don't know what to make for dinner most nights because the feeling of panic that comes from wondering "will Son eat it/ like it????" i feel like sucha failure. ...it started when i noticed how picky he was as a toddler, this feeling that oh no i dont' know what to feed him, i bet if i try this , he won't like it, that, he won't like it, oh, woe is me. Also at that time, he was constipated and we couldn't get him to drink water , someone finally landed upon gatorade, which he liked but i'm conflictd about gatorade.. So what i was really thinking was that if you ladies really knew what is is like here, you'd condemn me for not feeding my boy better.i guess that's becuz i condemn myself. i'm trying hard, really trying......but not a day goes by that I don't think to myself, SURELY, he couldn't have gotten enough calories today!. It's one of the things I want to bring up with the therapist. He has so many food aversions, texture aversions, won't eat peanut butter and jelly, cereal with milk, meat if there is ANY VISIBLE FAT ON IT, CASSEROLES, he doesn't like foods mixed together..... he picks at his meat, picks at everything and eats such small amounts of what is available that i just worry. !!

---------- Post added at 09:07 PM ---------- Previous post was at 08:59 PM ----------

Originally Posted by Kiara.I

Probably not well. Usually it's something along the lines of, "REALLY??? You took the chocolate chips? Really?"

And then I move them somewhere else for a while, since clearly the impulse control that I'd hoped for isn't there yet.

when moving that food elsewhere---it gets really old having to go to the bedroom to retrieve it when i DO need it. (I can't just put it in a different kitchen cupboard because when they are looking for somethign they will open every door and drawer.

we do have a lock on one kitchen cabinet. so that helps.

sometimes i think if i just stop hiding the stuff and just provide lots of food and let them eat whatever they are interested in then at least he would eat more quantity/calories. is this being irresponsible ? i mean, like my son would like me to have the following foods in the house, some i which i have tried to resist just letting them have free access to: cup o noodles, licorice, fruit chews, chewing gum, gatorade, cranberry juice, capri sun (i hide them and give one a day) , chips (he will eat the whole bag if I let him), etc. i'm tempted to just have all that in the house so at least i will not worry that he is hungry .. or has nothing to eat.....i mean, the fact of the matter is, if I cook real food, it just sits in the fridge........ like now there is leftover cooked declicious chicken in there, but will son accesss it? no, he will look for more sweet things.

This brings up anotgher point: do you moms of young children just serve the food on a plate for the child or do you make sure you ask them what they want first.

we see alot of food go to waste. becase when i serve it on plates, it bombs with son. i can't stand that. But dh told me that maybe we just have to get used to seeing a lot of food go to waste, because whats worse is asking him what he wants and making several offers and have him refuse them all and then eat nothing. what do you ladies think? at least if i put food on a plate for all 3 meals plus made snacks available only at certain times, then at least we would not have the "everybody's hungry at a diff. time" thing goin' on.

[rjy9343]

It happened on and off throughout my childhood, I don't know how young I was, but since my brother was still sleeping with me I would say it started around five years or so.
I never just put food on a plate and say eat up. I always make sure I know what she wants and get an idea of how hungry she is or we will waste entire meals.
Ivy is a picky eater and I suspect it is partly because she is autistic. Children with sensory issues are very finicky eaters as well. Then I have the husband who is just as bad as the kid. Meals are insanely stressful for me because finding something everyone will eat is difficult. Finding something everyone likes is impossible.
Gatorade is terrible for your son, but dehydration is even worse. So you picked the lesser evil. Sweets are bad for you, but if they motivate a child to eat with minimal fuss, they are the lesser evil. Ivy loves goat's milk, so she gets as much of that as she wants. Is it as good for her as say meat and vegetables? No. But it is still better for her than cookies and candy.
I worry about my daughter and her lack of eating as well. Keeping a food diary only showed that she eats food that is good for her but not enough of it. But fighting her only creates more stress and tension that makes her shut down and stop eating altogether. So I work around her, she hates her food touching, so for a while soup meant I strained the broth into a mug and separated the vegetables and meat. She ate it and we were all happy. She refuses to eat meat, fine she gets other forms of protein. She won't eat a sandwich so she gets the components of a sandwich separately and eats what she wants. She does not like cooked vegetables, so she eats the raw. She prefers frozen peas over cooked peas, frozen peas go on her plate.
Unless you are planning on pureeing the food and forcing it down your son's throat with a syringe, you are can't force him to eat. If he feels helpless, then meals may be his way of taking back control. If he is feeling pressure, he may be shutting down and then getting hungry later.

[Rose5000]

everything, literally EVERYTHING, you say, rjy, is SPOT ON. you nailed it all right on the head. you got it completely accurate. you described my son to a tee. thanks for sharing your experiences, it helps to hear others' dealings with this difficulty. wrt to the difficulty finding something everyone will eat, do you end up eating different food than the family sometimes because you're so bored with the narrow list of foods they like?

[Soliloquy]

To answer the OP, no, they don't snack after dinner because we start bedtime within 30 minutes of dinner ending.

[Rose5000]

rjy- what kind of sandwich components does Ivy like? what kind of protein? my son likes the tillamook medium cheddar block cheese (aged) or slices of swiss or havarti or meunster. he will not eat lunch meat, hot dogs only if we have white buns, he likes beef jerky or dry salami. at one time he liked steak but lately no. he likes salmon. he likes breaded frozen fish sticks. sometimes corn dogs. right now it is 3:45 pm and he had some homemade fried potatoes for breakfast, a tuna sandwich with 2 pieces of lettuce for lunch . that's it, ah! I'm giving him a snack now, olives, and fish stix, and more lettuce (his favorite). daughter is having cheese ravioli and bread.