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Unprepared for Parenting (Ezzos, Pearls, Etc.) *Public* Support and information for those affected by the Ezzos, the Pearls, and other punitive and adversarial methods of child-rearing. A public forum. Before posting here, please read this sticky and keep guideline 23 in mind:
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08-10-2005, 09:11 AM | #46 | |||
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Join Date: May 2005
Location: *Wis*consin
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Re: Created To Be His Help Meet by Debi Pearl
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Goes to the point that life does not work out in nice little compartments like the Pearls would like it to, with their pre-defined roles carried out by the appropriate people as defined by them (through their interpretation of Scripture). Yes, a woman should forgive her husband for such unthinkable sins, but no where in Scripture does it say that she needs to continue to put up with it. And Jesus talks about those who wish to harm children like this: "It would be better for him to be thrown into the sea with a millstone tied around his neck than for him to cause one of these little ones to sin. So watch yourselves." (Luke 17:2-3a) But my earlier point was that she does not say to put up with the abuse, saying that it's somehow the wife's fault anyway; rather, she says to call the authorities and testify. So that is what I meant when I put it in my positive column. (There are some very extreme people out there who do say a wife should stay with an abuser because it is somehow her fault the abuse is happening. ) I don't agree that the wife is required to take her husband back -- that needs to be a very prayerful decision made between her and the Lord. |
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08-10-2005, 10:58 AM | #47 |
Rose Garden
Join Date: Mar 2005
Posts: 7,321
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Re: Created To Be His Help Meet by Debi Pearl
Ick, receive a pedophile/molester back with open arms? Yeah, the grown kids will be safe but will probably distance themselves from mom for betraying them and if they don't, what about the grandkids? Will they be safe if grandpa is eyeballing them as bait?
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Marielle esFP (yup, they're visually proportional) dyt type 3 and my type 3 smilies cook, sew, knit, crochet, repeat - my blog http://www.maricucu.blogspot.com Married to T for 13 years and watching over the herd: I 10.5 yo R 8.25 yo N 5.5 yo M 3.75 yo “Never put off till tomorrow what may be done day after tomorrow just as well.” -Mark Twain |
08-10-2005, 11:05 AM | #48 |
Climbing Rose
Join Date: Apr 2005
Posts: 1,272
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Re: Created To Be His Help Meet by Debi Pearl
I actually just purchased this book about a week ago. I am still waiting for it to get here. I have heard mixed reviews and wanted to read it for myself.
I think what is most important is to take what works for you and leave the rest behind. The only book that you can FULLY put your trust in is the Bible. We should pray for the Pearls that there ministry would be influenced by the Holy Spirit and that they may be inspired to see things differently.
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08-10-2005, 11:07 AM | #49 |
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Re: Created To Be His Help Meet by Debi Pearl
When it comes to the Pearls I liken it to wading through sewage in search of a nichel. No thanks.
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08-10-2005, 12:36 PM | #50 | |||
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Re: Created To Be His Help Meet by Debi Pearl
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Again, we have this lovely quote from their website (these are MPs words, BTW): Quote:
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Having worked with child abuse victims and victims of domestic violence prior to having children, this stuff makes my blood boil. |
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08-10-2005, 01:33 PM | #51 | |||
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Re: Created To Be His Help Meet by Debi Pearl
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Great time for love letters and romantic visits? That has got to be the most ignorant statement I've heard in a long-LONG time. She's right about one thing. Guys get out of prison and treat their wives well for a WHILE. I've heard others describe DP as an abused wife but never really believed it before. Now I'm wondering. Who else would think visiting your abuser in prison was romantic? Quote:
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08-10-2005, 01:48 PM | #52 | ||
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Yeah, it's winter here ...
Join Date: May 2005
Location: *Wis*consin
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Re: Created To Be His Help Meet by Debi Pearl
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And I just want to clarify: I DO NOT PUT UP WITH OR ADVOCATE ANY KIND OF ABUSE IN ANY CIRCUMSTANCES. My maternal grandmother was married to an abusive alcholic, and she divorced him when she could take it no more. |
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08-10-2005, 01:56 PM | #53 |
Rose Garden
Join Date: May 2005
Posts: 7,336
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Re: Created To Be His Help Meet by Debi Pearl
I would also like to point out that it is because of FEMINISM that there ARE laws to protect women and children. they did not exist to the extent that they do now. sometimes I think that women of our generation don't truly appreciate just how far we've come. things have become illegal, like sexual harassment, for stuff that wasn't even looked at 50 years ago.
no, it hasn't brought all nice things (ex: abortion), but it sure beats having a 2 thumb law where I could be beaten with something smaller than that legally. or heck, not being burned at the stake on suspicion of witchcraft. its nice to be recognised as a human being under the law, where we were once property for men to do with what they wished. C
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The Following User Says Thank You to Can Dance For This Useful Post: | Dtswife (06-17-2014) |
08-10-2005, 02:09 PM | #54 | |
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Re: Created To Be His Help Meet by Debi Pearl
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The Following User Says Thank You to Heidi_Suzanne For This Useful Post: | Dtswife (06-17-2014) |
08-10-2005, 06:02 PM | #55 |
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Re: Created To Be His Help Meet by Debi Pearl
When my dh was a local police officer, he had a man look he directly in the eye and say 'she's my woman, I'll beat her if I want to'. Went to jail. He also had one beat his pregnant wife because the ultrasound showed their baby was a girl and he would have sired a boy, so obviously the baby wasn't his.
He even arrested a female family member once who was berating an abused woman who was trying to get away from her h, saying she was making it all up ...(obstruction of justice). He met with the woman and her lawyer before court and explained the times he or other officers had gone to the house over domestics where he had been agressive, etc. - the female family member was shocked that she had been so far in the dark. Its a strange world.
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Elizabeth "Truth without love is divisive and hurtful & love without truth is anemic"--Pastor Estep Arise, cry out in the night...pour out your heart like water in the presence of the Lord; Lift up your hands to him for the lives of your children..; Lamentations 2:19 |
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08-10-2005, 07:15 PM | #56 | |
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Re: Created To Be His Help Meet by Debi Pearl
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Many, many Christian women here have observed or been part of an unhealthy dynamic in their marriage, that has been fueled by teachings like the Pearls'. I believe that most of the mothers here at GCM would view the husband-servant-leader and wife-companion-helper as what is best. Yet. . . there are teachings that twist that so that the wife's actions become less companion-helper and the husband's become less servant-leader--and it feeds into the sins of the individuals in a way that leads to a worsening cycle of relating to one another. I'm all for inspiring and encouraging mothers in their special role as wife and mother. Let's encourge one another! It's true--when a wife seeks the Lord in making changes in herself and her part of the relationship--it impacts the whole relationship. These are all good things! But Debi Pearl's book, like Heidi said, is toxic. I believe the concerns are very valid about these teachings leading to negative, and possibly abusive, dynamics. |
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The Following User Says Thank You to TulipMama For This Useful Post: | Dtswife (06-17-2014) |
08-11-2005, 11:57 AM | #57 |
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Re: Created To Be His Help Meet by Debi Pearl
I have been reading ths thread over the past few days with interest.I haven't read the book or even the sample chapter but what I keep thinking of is a concept Jeff Vanvonderan brings up in Families where Grace Is In Place. He talks about Curseful relationships and Graceful relationships. It just seems like this extreme submission even to a controlling and dictatorial man is such a curseful relationship - one that exists under the curse of the Garden "Your desire shall be for your husband and he shall rule over you" insted of one that exists in accordance to the Grace of the Gospel. It also seems to require that the woman be stripped of any sense of self worth as a child of God before she is willing to put up with it. Finally, the motivation to submit in order to change and control her husband also seems very curseful instead of graceful. As has been mentioned before it rarely works to control another person by manipulating them especially long-term. It creates co-dependency and someone who is emotionally exhausted from the charade. Vanvonderan describes the negative results f this kind of relaitonship very well.
Magan |
08-11-2005, 12:50 PM | #58 | |
Rose Bouquet
Midwife, Mom of Five
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: Lebanon, OR
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Re: Created To Be His Help Meet by Debi Pearl
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08-11-2005, 01:55 PM | #59 | |
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Re: Created To Be His Help Meet by Debi Pearl
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08-11-2005, 08:34 PM | #60 | |
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Re: Created To Be His Help Meet by Debi Pearl
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This is just SO insane...even if the recidivism issue weren't another problem. God does hate divorce...but He also hates sin in general. And He still forgives. I think He would much more hate the act of a mother allowing an abusive father to remain in the same house with the victimes. And its not like divorce is the ONLY option (though I do think it is a wise one in this kind of situation), the mother could just separate, but not seek divorce. Jenn |
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