How do we set the standard..

[milkmommy]

I posted this yesterday http://www.gentlechristianmothers.co...?topic=35711.0 well the conversation countinued today and it got me thinking and it presented another side of thr "pearl" life style. In talking yeserday I meantionedthe standards that we are going to be placing on our DD concerning her responsibility on leaving our keys alone. And that we considered her age and personal maturity to come up with the standard. Well now the question is who decides how do we know our standards are both respectful of the individual and not permissive.
I'm talking with a pearl follower whos wanting to make some changes one thing hes admitting to is although his kids seem 'well behaved' they really are not he admits they are well trained but horribly taught. So they react without thinking but have no idea why. His standards have always been because I said so and if you don't listen your going to feel bad so obey and feel good . Like (in classsic pearl style) if he says hot his kids drop what they are holding they were traineed that the word hot means hands off they have no idea why though. If I say hot to my dd over something that isn't (like say were pretending with her play kitchen) she'll go place her hand above the object to feel for heat then go no mommy no hots because she has a concept of what hot really means. SO anyways his kids avoid a lot of things and behave in certain ways because they are simpily trained.
So how do you decide what a standard should be? If it didn't bother me to have my three year old running naked through the streets would I be permissive to allow it? What about things not so umm "obvious"? What about those who are comming from a very punitive background, yet have never really taken the time to teach just to react?

Deannna