2 or 3? Trying to decide - Page 2

illinoismommy · 02-10-2014, 10:03 AM

I am one that would only have 2 or 4. I've seen a lot of 3 = odd man out situations in families.

rcsmom · 02-10-2014, 11:20 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by illinoismommy

I am one that would only have 2 or 4. I've seen a lot of 3 = odd man out situations in families.

Do you think that gender or spacing make a difference in those situations? We would either end up with 3 boys or 2 boys and a girl all very evenly spaced. Or could it be more personality based? I think that was my mom's issue- she is very different personality wise from her two sisters.

HuggaBuggaMommy · 02-10-2014, 11:52 AM

I think it depends. Personality plays a part in it, yeah. My dh is one of four and he was always the "odd man out" because he never "fit" with his siblings.

But he was also the youngest, and the one with the largest space between (he was 3 years younger, all his siblings were two years apart). Also, his sister was the oldest and only girl, so she didn't need to fit in; it was a different dynamic for her. So there's gender at play, too.

I know families of three kids who work really well, and families where it's hard, for whatever the reason. I don't think just the number plays a part.

ValiantJoy07 · 02-10-2014, 12:43 PM

I love having three. I never thought an odd number could feel so balanced.

it was a *hard* adjustment for us (though we did 3 in 4years..19mos and 29mos apart.)... it has lowered my expectations and 2years in (almost 3years really because of pregnancy).. we're slowly coming around.

We're trying to decide what to do re: biological kids. I want to be open to adopt a sibling group down the road. If we add another bio child that means we'll have a minimum of 6 children some day.

most days I sm DONE DONE DONE. But I can't help wonder..in a few years, when I am more grown up... and have some distance from this tumultuous season that didn't just involve starting a family bing bam boom...i might want to experience it all one more time?

it's a tough call.

Right now I am just waiting until I *know* part of me wants to say "we could want another in 5 years..." and the other part of me knows with our track record if we don't make a decision...eventually some random sperm will that defies all odds... will make the decision for us.

ECingMama · 02-10-2014, 12:44 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by HuggaBuggaMommy

I think it depends. Personality plays a part in it, yeah. My dh is one of four and he was always the "odd man out" because he never "fit" with his siblings.

But he was also the youngest, and the one with the largest space between (he was 3 years younger, all his siblings were two years apart). Also, his sister was the oldest and only girl, so she didn't need to fit in; it was a different dynamic for her. So there's gender at play, too.

I know families of three kids who work really well, and families where it's hard, for whatever the reason. I don't think just the number plays a part.

Great reminder.

Gender/personality DOES make a difference.

I keep hoping homeschooling will help with the large age gap we'd have.

kiloyd · 02-10-2014, 12:51 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ECingMama

Great reminder.

Gender/personality DOES make a difference.

mamacat · 02-10-2014, 03:16 PM

Im glad you are waiting VJ.It can be so challengng to have 3 so close together and think you couldnt possibly feel ready for a 4th but as you said - when that having 3 littles season is over you may feel quite differently be it having more bio children or adopting

lucie · 02-10-2014, 03:56 PM

Reading along... We have a similar dilemma. I don't feel quite done with 2, but DH is pretty sure 2 is better than 3 for us. I think he's excited about the "light at the end of the tunnel" like you said. He's looking at it from practical perspective, financial, car situation, being able to give them our attention...
I would also be facing another c-section if we do have the third.
My last pregnancy was super hard, and the birth extra traumatic (bad labor, c-section, and NICU stay). So I don't know... I'm thinking of waiting to decide until Isaac is a bit older (he's 16 months now)... But ugh, this is hard.

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rcsmom · 02-11-2014, 05:14 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by lucie

Reading along... We have a similar dilemma. I don't feel quite done with 2, but DH is pretty sure 2 is better than 3 for us. I think he's excited about the "light at the end of the tunnel" like you said. He's looking at it from practical perspective, financial, car situation, being able to give them our attention...
I would also be facing another c-section if we do have the third.
My last pregnancy was super hard, and the birth extra traumatic (bad labor, c-section, and NICU stay). So I don't know... I'm thinking of waiting to decide until Isaac is a bit older (he's 16 months now)... But ugh, this is hard.

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

It is hard

Your little ones are almost the same age mine are. I know I keep trying to look at it logically too- more attention per kid, more opportunities to do stuff, most things are set up for 4 person families, ect

But the more I think about it the more I realize that it can't be worked out just from the logic end. I mean really if we were thinking about it just from pure logic I don't know that anyone would have kids

Housekat · 02-11-2014, 12:39 PM

mommychem · 02-11-2014, 02:51 PM

We just had our third, a son, in October. The transition has been challenging for me - two daughters turned 5 and 3 last month. The baby is very easy going thankfully, but I just *know* he was a missing piece in our family. His sisters

over him. I don't think we are done though.

Posted via Mobile Device

lucie · 02-11-2014, 03:51 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by rcsmom

It is hard

Your little ones are almost the same age mine are. I know I keep trying to look at it logically too- more attention per kid, more opportunities to do stuff, most things are set up for 4 person families, ect

But the more I think about it the more I realize that it can't be worked out just from the logic end. I mean really if we were thinking about it just from pure logic I don't know that anyone would have kids

That's a good point. Also that might be why this nagging feeling of not being done is even harder for me--I'm usually pretty logical (I like spreadsheets and usually have a list of pros and cons for major decisions

). Even the fact that I'm even considering having 3 children has surprised me because when I was growing up, pretty much every family I knew was a 4 member family, and having 3 kids was very unusual. So 2 kids seems like a default, and yet ...
I'm glad you started this thread

.

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HomeyT · 02-12-2014, 04:48 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by mommychem

We just had our third, a son, in October. The transition has been challenging for me - two daughters turned 5 and 3 last month. The baby is very easy going thankfully, but I just *know* he was a missing piece in our family. His sisters

over him. I don't think we are done though.

Posted via Mobile Device

This is our situation too. Dc3 was an oopsie. Actually we were on that fence....2 was so nice, easy even. But 3 called out to us. We didn't know what to do.

I'm the oldest of 4. My mom had 4 babies in 4 years, no multiples! Yup! My sister 2nd oldest and 1 yr younger than me always complained if being left out. She was sandwiched between 2 sisters...huh? Anyway, just wanted to share, that 4 can have its issues too.

rcsmom · 02-12-2014, 04:56 AM

Ok so you ladies are really a bad influence here

I found myself thinking the other day "you know maybe I could handle four"

ECingMama · 02-21-2014, 11:57 AM

http://www.scarymommy.com/how-many-kids/

My magic number is 3....so.....hmmmmmm

02-10-2014, 10:03 AM	#16
illinoismommy Rose Garden Join Date: Jan 2006 Posts: 25,657	Re: 2 or 3? Trying to decide I am one that would only have 2 or 4. I've seen a lot of 3 = odd man out situations in families. __________________ Mommy to: Ds (9.5), Dd (7), Ds2 (6), and Ds3 (4.5).

02-10-2014, 11:52 AM	#18
HuggaBuggaMommy Administrator Join Date: Apr 2006 Posts: 12,271	Re: 2 or 3? Trying to decide I think it depends. Personality plays a part in it, yeah. My dh is one of four and he was always the "odd man out" because he never "fit" with his siblings. But he was also the youngest, and the one with the largest space between (he was 3 years younger, all his siblings were two years apart). Also, his sister was the oldest and only girl, so she didn't need to fit in; it was a different dynamic for her. So there's gender at play, too. I know families of three kids who work really well, and families where it's hard, for whatever the reason. I don't think just the number plays a part. __________________ Christa Oldest, 22 Middlest, 13 Youngest, 10

02-10-2014, 12:43 PM	#19
ValiantJoy07 Rose Garden "Take Joy Home, And make a place in thy great heart for her...Joy is the grace we say to God." ~Jean Ingelow~ Join Date: Sep 2008 Location: The Forest Posts: 16,337	Re: 2 or 3? Trying to decide I love having three. I never thought an odd number could feel so balanced. it was a hard adjustment for us (though we did 3 in 4years..19mos and 29mos apart.)... it has lowered my expectations and 2years in (almost 3years really because of pregnancy).. we're slowly coming around. We're trying to decide what to do re: biological kids. I want to be open to adopt a sibling group down the road. If we add another bio child that means we'll have a minimum of 6 children some day. most days I sm DONE DONE DONE. But I can't help wonder..in a few years, when I am more grown up... and have some distance from this tumultuous season that didn't just involve starting a family bing bam boom...i might want to experience it all one more time? it's a tough call. Right now I am just waiting until I know part of me wants to say "we could want another in 5 years..." and the other part of me knows with our track record if we don't make a decision...eventually some random sperm will that defies all odds... will make the decision for us. __________________ Hannah Joy Intuitive People Loving Introvert Married since '05 to Ryan software and web applications developer. Homeschooling Mama to my 5 Joys... dd1 RJ (12/07), dd2 AJ (08/09), dd3 PJ (01/12), ds1 Ziggy (09/15), ds2 Sunny (05/18) Enjoying a Healing Diet to manage SPD and other health challenges. Sorry for the typos and sloppy grammar I don't have a good excuse anymore.

02-10-2014, 03:16 PM	#22
mamacat Rose Garden Join Date: Mar 2005 Posts: 26,473	Re: 2 or 3? Trying to decide Im glad you are waiting VJ.It can be so challengng to have 3 so close together and think you couldnt possibly feel ready for a 4th but as you said - when that having 3 littles season is over you may feel quite differently be it having more bio children or adopting __________________ ~Catherine~ Mama to 5: C W C J S And Grandma to 3: A ,K and baby C

02-10-2014, 03:56 PM	#23
lucie Climbing Rose Join Date: Dec 2010 Location: Seattle, WA Posts: 1,157	Reading along... We have a similar dilemma. I don't feel quite done with 2, but DH is pretty sure 2 is better than 3 for us. I think he's excited about the "light at the end of the tunnel" like you said. He's looking at it from practical perspective, financial, car situation, being able to give them our attention... I would also be facing another c-section if we do have the third. My last pregnancy was super hard, and the birth extra traumatic (bad labor, c-section, and NICU stay). So I don't know... I'm thinking of waiting to decide until Isaac is a bit older (he's 16 months now)... But ugh, this is hard. Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk __________________ Lucie a Czech married to an American since December 2001 mommy to Anna (April 2009) and Isaac (September 2012)

02-11-2014, 12:39 PM	#25
Housekat Rose Garden Even if you can't see them or hear them at all, a person's a person, no matter how small! Join Date: Jun 2010 Location: Wakefield, UK Posts: 4,895	Re: 2 or 3? Trying to decide __________________ Mama to Theo (11) and Libby (9) Find me on Facebook

02-11-2014, 02:51 PM	#26
mommychem Rose Garden Butterfly on my face :) Join Date: Mar 2010 Location: Louisiana Posts: 6,955	Re: 2 or 3? Trying to decide We just had our third, a son, in October. The transition has been challenging for me - two daughters turned 5 and 3 last month. The baby is very easy going thankfully, but I just know he was a missing piece in our family. His sisters over him. I don't think we are done though. Posted via Mobile Device

02-12-2014, 04:56 AM	#29
rcsmom Rose Bouquet Remember, you are not managing an inconvenience; You are raising a human being ~ Kittie Frantz Join Date: Jan 2011 Location: Western NY Posts: 666	Re: 2 or 3? Trying to decide Ok so you ladies are really a bad influence here I found myself thinking the other day "you know maybe I could handle four" __________________ Jessica Momma to DS1-the Monkinroanie DS2-the Sweet Punkin DS3- the Peanut and the rainbow babies DS4 and DD

02-21-2014, 11:57 AM	#30
ECingMama Rose Garden Join Date: Aug 2009 Posts: 16,750	Re: 2 or 3? Trying to decide http://www.scarymommy.com/how-many-kids/ My magic number is 3....so.....hmmmmmm __________________ ENFp Wife who is thankful to be in love....17 years Homeschooling Mom of three....15 DD dancer and 12 DS mountain biker and 5 DD calico critter and dolly mommy 12/2014 8/2015 11/2015 9/2016

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