Gentle Christian Mothers Community
 
Random Quotes from Wise Mamas

~* Please help keep GCM free by using our
Amazon.com affiliate link. Thank you! *~


Go Back   Gentle Christian Mothers Community > Specific Issues > Gentle Discipline *Public*
Forgot Password? Join Us!

Gentle Discipline *Public* A public forum.
GCM Webpage: Gentle Discipline

Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
Old 03-12-2018, 05:18 AM   #1
MayzieMcgrew
Seedling Rose
 
 
Join Date: Mar 2018
Location: Buenos Aires, Argentina
Posts: 18
MayzieMcgrew is on a distinguished road
Default Question regarding GEntle Discipline - Two Year Old

Hello, everyone . I'm so happy I found this forum!!

My daughter will be almost two, and she's starting to have some behaviors that I want to help her with in an extremely respectful and gentle way, but I'm not sure I'm doing it right!

When she gets frustrated, she will throw whatever is in her hand, and yell "no!". I gently explain that we don't treat objects that way, and to please pick it up. She doesn't talk much yet, but she understands what I say. Usually when I explain this, she will still refuse to pick the object up, and might even throw it again. It's usually back and forth a bit, until I suggest we do it together. I accompany her to where she has thrown said objects, and she picks it up, and puts it away, after which I hug her and we resume playing.
Situations in which she might get frustrated: if she wants me to read to her, and I can't at the moment. Same thing with being fed, she might ask me to breastfeed her at a time where I can't.

Any suggestions? What has worked for you?

Thanks .
MayzieMcgrew is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 03-12-2018, 06:14 AM   #2
CelticJourney
Administrator
 
 
Join Date: Mar 2005
Posts: 31,216
CelticJourney has a reputation beyond reputeCelticJourney has a reputation beyond reputeCelticJourney has a reputation beyond reputeCelticJourney has a reputation beyond reputeCelticJourney has a reputation beyond reputeCelticJourney has a reputation beyond reputeCelticJourney has a reputation beyond reputeCelticJourney has a reputation beyond reputeCelticJourney has a reputation beyond reputeCelticJourney has a reputation beyond reputeCelticJourney has a reputation beyond repute
Default Re: Question regarding GEntle Discipline - Two Year Old

Sounds like you are doing great understanding her feelings and showing grace.

What I would do next is remove whatever item she has thrown for a time, especially if it is a hard toy. Part of your job is to help protect her from the negative consequences that immature acts can create. I would say 'We need to put this block away for a time until we can play with it without throwing it. Someone could get hurt. Now..(and get back to the issue at hand)"

Right now all that happens is that she has to pick up the item AND is not likely really understanding the complete concepts of 'not treating items that way'. It might be more easily processed if the time 'goes away' for a time.

Now if she just spiked her favorite doll that she can't sleep without, then clearly, show grace. (But you could take a different angle "poor dolly, I think that scared her" or something if you want.)
__________________
Elizabeth

"Truth without love is divisive and hurtful & love without truth is anemic"--Pastor Estep

Arise, cry out in the night...pour out your heart like water in the presence of the Lord; Lift up your hands to him for the lives of your children..; Lamentations 2:19
CelticJourney is offline   Reply With Quote
The Following 6 Users Say Thank You to CelticJourney For This Useful Post:
charla (03-12-2018), everybody's mother (03-12-2018), mamacat (03-12-2018), MariJo7 (03-13-2018), MayzieMcgrew (03-12-2018), rjy9343 (03-12-2018)
Old 03-12-2018, 07:50 AM   #3
charla
Moderator in Cookbook and Empty Arms
 
 
Join Date: Jan 2008
Location: Oklahoma
Posts: 14,416
charla has a reputation beyond reputecharla has a reputation beyond reputecharla has a reputation beyond reputecharla has a reputation beyond reputecharla has a reputation beyond reputecharla has a reputation beyond reputecharla has a reputation beyond reputecharla has a reputation beyond reputecharla has a reputation beyond reputecharla has a reputation beyond reputecharla has a reputation beyond repute
Default Re: Question regarding GEntle Discipline - Two Year Old

Welcome to GCM!

I agree, I think you are doing a great job.

It's been a long time since I had a two year old so I'm guessing she won't get it at this point, but it would be good practice especially for the future. When she gets frustrated and is likely to lob something across the room, could you reflect her feelings and give her a script of what to say about her feelings? In time, that may help to diffuse the situation enough that she won't need to resort to throwing things. My kids were throwers, too, especially one of them, and it did take some consistency on my part to give them tools to express their frustration in a more appropriate way.
__________________
CHARLA
INFJ
Married to my pastor husband, Nick, for 26 years
Mom to the architect, Nathan (18)
and the dancer, Hope (14)
and my three cherished babies in heaven
Save
Save
Save
Save
Save
charla is offline   Reply With Quote
The Following 3 Users Say Thank You to charla For This Useful Post:
CelticJourney (03-12-2018), everybody's mother (03-12-2018), MayzieMcgrew (03-12-2018)
Old 03-12-2018, 12:08 PM   #4
MayzieMcgrew
Seedling Rose
 
 
Join Date: Mar 2018
Location: Buenos Aires, Argentina
Posts: 18
MayzieMcgrew is on a distinguished road
Default Re: Question regarding GEntle Discipline - Two Year Old

Quote:
Originally Posted by charla View Post
Welcome to GCM!

I agree, I think you are doing a great job.

It's been a long time since I had a two year old so I'm guessing she won't get it at this point, but it would be good practice especially for the future. When she gets frustrated and is likely to lob something across the room, could you reflect her feelings and give her a script of what to say about her feelings? In time, that may help to diffuse the situation enough that she won't need to resort to throwing things. My kids were throwers, too, especially one of them, and it did take some consistency on my part to give them tools to express their frustration in a more appropriate way.
What a great idea!! What do you mean by give her a script? What could I say?

Sent from my Mi A1 using Tapatalk
__________________
Married to L since 2011 .


C - (almost) 2 years old
MayzieMcgrew is offline   Reply With Quote
The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to MayzieMcgrew For This Useful Post:
charla (03-12-2018), everybody's mother (03-12-2018)
Old 03-12-2018, 12:47 PM   #5
charla
Moderator in Cookbook and Empty Arms
 
 
Join Date: Jan 2008
Location: Oklahoma
Posts: 14,416
charla has a reputation beyond reputecharla has a reputation beyond reputecharla has a reputation beyond reputecharla has a reputation beyond reputecharla has a reputation beyond reputecharla has a reputation beyond reputecharla has a reputation beyond reputecharla has a reputation beyond reputecharla has a reputation beyond reputecharla has a reputation beyond reputecharla has a reputation beyond repute
Default Re: Question regarding GEntle Discipline - Two Year Old

So in the reading situation I might say, "Throwing things is not acceptable. I know you are upset that I wasn't available to read to you. You may say to me: 'Mommy, I'm upset you can't read to me' instead of throwing things." She probably can't say it back to you right now, but she will be able to soon and this gets in her in the habit of understanding her own feelings and what is an acceptable way to express them. Then go on to make a plan for when you can read to her: "I can read to you as soon as I finish these dishes. Would you like to help by putting the spoons away or the plastic cups? Then we can read!"
__________________
CHARLA
INFJ
Married to my pastor husband, Nick, for 26 years
Mom to the architect, Nathan (18)
and the dancer, Hope (14)
and my three cherished babies in heaven
Save
Save
Save
Save
Save
charla is offline   Reply With Quote
The Following 3 Users Say Thank You to charla For This Useful Post:
CelticJourney (03-12-2018), everybody's mother (03-12-2018), MayzieMcgrew (03-12-2018)
Old 03-12-2018, 12:50 PM   #6
mamacat
Rose Garden
 
 
Join Date: Mar 2005
Posts: 25,896
mamacat has a reputation beyond reputemamacat has a reputation beyond reputemamacat has a reputation beyond reputemamacat has a reputation beyond reputemamacat has a reputation beyond reputemamacat has a reputation beyond reputemamacat has a reputation beyond reputemamacat has a reputation beyond reputemamacat has a reputation beyond reputemamacat has a reputation beyond reputemamacat has a reputation beyond repute
Default Re: Question regarding GEntle Discipline - Two Year Old

At that age sometimes telling them what they CAN throw or do. This isnt for throwing but you can throw this ball (and hand her a soft ball). We can read after lunch and you can sit in your highchair and watch me fix lunch.
__________________
~Catherine~

Mama to 5:

C
W
C
J
S
And Grandma to 3:

A ,K and baby C
mamacat is offline   Reply With Quote
The Following 5 Users Say Thank You to mamacat For This Useful Post:
CelticJourney (03-12-2018), charla (03-12-2018), everybody's mother (03-12-2018), MayzieMcgrew (03-12-2018), rjy9343 (03-12-2018)
Old 03-12-2018, 01:01 PM   #7
MayzieMcgrew
Seedling Rose
 
 
Join Date: Mar 2018
Location: Buenos Aires, Argentina
Posts: 18
MayzieMcgrew is on a distinguished road
Default Re: Question regarding GEntle Discipline - Two Year Old

Quote:
Originally Posted by charla View Post
So in the reading situation I might say, "Throwing things is not acceptable. I know you are upset that I wasn't available to read to you. You may say to me: 'Mommy, I'm upset you can't read to me' instead of throwing things." She probably can't say it back to you right now, but she will be able to soon and this gets in her in the habit of understanding her own feelings and what is an acceptable way to express them. Then go on to make a plan for when you can read to her: "I can read to you as soon as I finish these dishes. Would you like to help by putting the spoons away or the plastic cups? Then we can read!"
This is so helpful! Thanks!!

Sent from my Mi A1 using Tapatalk

---------- Post added at 05:01 PM ---------- Previous post was at 05:00 PM ----------

Quote:
Originally Posted by mamacat View Post
At that age sometimes telling them what they CAN throw or do. This isnt for throwing but you can throw this ball (and hand her a soft ball). We can read after lunch and you can sit in your highchair and watch me fix lunch.
Great idea!!!! Will definitely try this .

Sent from my Mi A1 using Tapatalk
__________________
Married to L since 2011 .


C - (almost) 2 years old
MayzieMcgrew is offline   Reply With Quote
The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to MayzieMcgrew For This Useful Post:
charla (03-12-2018), everybody's mother (03-12-2018)
Old 03-12-2018, 02:41 PM   #8
Soliloquy
Administrator
 
I am a silkie hen.
 
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: In the coop.
Posts: 44,381
Soliloquy has a reputation beyond reputeSoliloquy has a reputation beyond reputeSoliloquy has a reputation beyond reputeSoliloquy has a reputation beyond reputeSoliloquy has a reputation beyond reputeSoliloquy has a reputation beyond reputeSoliloquy has a reputation beyond reputeSoliloquy has a reputation beyond reputeSoliloquy has a reputation beyond reputeSoliloquy has a reputation beyond reputeSoliloquy has a reputation beyond repute
Default Re: Question regarding GEntle Discipline - Two Year Old

At age two she truly is still a baby. Still so young.

I would remove the object, nonchalantly, and say, "You seem so frustrated!" Or upset, whatever word you think most closely matches her feeling. It gives her a word for how she feels. It also teaches her that we need to tell our loved ones what we're feeling in an objective way without hurting anyone.

When people are angry, upset, etc their brains are not receptive to ANY kind of learning. It's called downshifting. The brain responds in a much more primal manner. If you think about it, even as an adults, we have a very hard time holding our tongues when we're angry. I often have to force myself outside to let all the words fly so I can get them out without hurting a relationship. Once I'm calm, it's very easy to see a solution. But, when I'm angry? No way. After she's calmed down, I'd ask her to clean up.

So don't be discouraged, learning appropriate ways to behave when angry take a long time. And many people never even attempt it. It's not very supported in our culture.
__________________
Lisa, 45. Married to My Hero for 21 years! Survivor of very severe aplastic anemia. Living with PNH

Firmly Planted.
"So live in Christ Jesus the Lord in the same way as you received him. Be rooted and built up in him, be established in faith, and overflow with thanksgiving just as you were taught." Col 2:6-7

Moderator in Theological & Doctrinal Issues, Drawing Closer, Bible Study, & Educating Our Children

Mom to 5 wonderful kids!
G - 14, S - 12,
F - 10, J - 8, Baby L - 2 . 2 dogs, 4 cats, and some chickens.
My Instagram
Soliloquy is offline   Reply With Quote
The Following 5 Users Say Thank You to Soliloquy For This Useful Post:
CelticJourney (03-12-2018), charla (03-12-2018), everybody's mother (03-13-2018), Llee (03-13-2018), MayzieMcgrew (03-12-2018)
Old 03-12-2018, 05:54 PM   #9
MayzieMcgrew
Seedling Rose
 
 
Join Date: Mar 2018
Location: Buenos Aires, Argentina
Posts: 18
MayzieMcgrew is on a distinguished road
Default Re: Question regarding GEntle Discipline - Two Year Old

Quote:
Originally Posted by Soliloquy View Post
At age two she truly is still a baby. Still so young.

I would remove the object, nonchalantly, and say, "You seem so frustrated!" Or upset, whatever word you think most closely matches her feeling. It gives her a word for how she feels. It also teaches her that we need to tell our loved ones what we're feeling in an objective way without hurting anyone.

When people are angry, upset, etc their brains are not receptive to ANY kind of learning. It's called downshifting. The brain responds in a much more primal manner. If you think about it, even as an adults, we have a very hard time holding our tongues when we're angry. I often have to force myself outside to let all the words fly so I can get them out without hurting a relationship. Once I'm calm, it's very easy to see a solution. But, when I'm angry? No way. After she's calmed down, I'd ask her to clean up.

So don't be discouraged, learning appropriate ways to behave when angry take a long time. And many people never even attempt it. It's not very supported in our culture.
Wow! This was super helpful. Thank you so much!!

Sent from my Mi A1 using Tapatalk
__________________
Married to L since 2011 .


C - (almost) 2 years old
MayzieMcgrew is offline   Reply With Quote
The Following User Says Thank You to MayzieMcgrew For This Useful Post:
everybody's mother (03-13-2018)
Reply

Bookmarks

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump


All times are GMT -7. The time now is 05:13 AM.


A variety of opinions and ideas are shared on GCM. Personal experiences, suggestions, and tips found here are in no way intended to substitute for medical counsel from a healthcare professional. Always use your own good judgement and seek professional advice when in doubt about a health concern.

Amazon.com affiliate link

Copyright 1997-2017 by Gentle Christian Mothers™
An alternative-minded, evangelical Christian community supporting attachment parenting and natural living.

Do not post content elsewhere.
http://www.gentlechristianmothers.com/community/

Some smilies created and copyrighted by Mazeguy.
Some smilies and avatars created and copyrighted by flowermama and children -- do not use elsewhere.

Soli Deo Gloria
To God only wise, be glory through Jesus Christ for ever. Amen. ~ Romans 16:27 (KJV)

Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.3
Copyright ©2000 - 2018, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.