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Unprepared for Parenting (Ezzos, Pearls, Etc.) *Public* Support and information for those affected by the Ezzos, the Pearls, and other punitive and adversarial methods of child-rearing. A public forum. Before posting here, please read this sticky and keep guideline 23 in mind:
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01-12-2012, 04:21 AM | #31 |
Rose Garden
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: Northern Virginia
Posts: 10,090
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Re: "Under Loving Command"
I am willing to get on board with the idea that we train our children because I think that train and teach are more or less semantics. I have taught Ivy that I will always come when she calls. I have trained Ivy to believe that I will come when she calls. I have taught Ivy that she must comply, with or with out my help. I have trained Ivy to comply with or without help. I really think that training has a icky connotation because punitive parenting is all about training for first time obedience and keeping kids in their place. But we have trained our children how our home works and (in theory) to obey the house rules. But we are not using force in the sense that we are hurting or threatening our children. Ivy will comply with the rules, end of story. But how we gain her compliance looks different from punitive parents. For example Ivy is not to get into my wallet. If I forget to put my purse out of her reach, then I simply remind her to leave my wallet alone and ask her for it. If she will not give it to me, I take it from her and give her something that is okay for her to open and take apart. I don't hit her hand or tell her she is being bad or anything like that. Ivy is not supposed to climb into the book shelf. We have a door on it that we thought would keep her out of it. When she gets into it, we pull her away and play with her. If we see her go for it, we give her the option of walking away from it without our help. If she chooses our help, then we take her away from it.
But I am not willing to get on board with the idea that I must use the rod to train or teach her. I don't like it when I hear that she runs things or that she rules the roost. A couple of nights ago, my husband's ceo remarked that she is the ruler of our home. I responded that as her spokeswoman, I had a list of requirements for the next place we live and named them. (A town with a large number of gcms may have been named).I did hear another reference to hickory tea or other ick that or the next night.
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Rita s IstJ Wife to my brilliant geek James iNtJ since 4/08 Mom to our angel boy Jay 5/08 our quirky miracle DD Ivy 6/10 mellow miracle DS Jacob 7/15 Often Please forgive my frequent typos Standing firmly on Team Lioness!!! Roar!!! I am ready for people to know I am a GCM find me on Facebook |
01-12-2012, 06:05 AM | #32 | |
Administrator
Join Date: Mar 2005
Posts: 34,571
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Re: "Under Loving Command"
Quote:
The closest comparison I have is the word 'comrad'. In essence it means friend, companion. Socially, it's tied to communism and oppression.
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Elizabeth "Truth without love is divisive and hurtful & love without truth is anemic"--Pastor Estep Arise, cry out in the night...pour out your heart like water in the presence of the Lord; Lift up your hands to him for the lives of your children..; Lamentations 2:19 |
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01-12-2012, 06:41 AM | #33 | |
Rose Garden
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: Northern Virginia
Posts: 10,090
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Re: "Under Loving Command"
Quote:
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Rita s IstJ Wife to my brilliant geek James iNtJ since 4/08 Mom to our angel boy Jay 5/08 our quirky miracle DD Ivy 6/10 mellow miracle DS Jacob 7/15 Often Please forgive my frequent typos Standing firmly on Team Lioness!!! Roar!!! I am ready for people to know I am a GCM find me on Facebook |
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The Following 3 Users Say Thank You to rjy9343 For This Useful Post: |
01-12-2012, 12:40 PM | #34 | |
Administrator
Join Date: Mar 2005
Posts: 34,571
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Re: "Under Loving Command"
Quote:
__________________
Elizabeth "Truth without love is divisive and hurtful & love without truth is anemic"--Pastor Estep Arise, cry out in the night...pour out your heart like water in the presence of the Lord; Lift up your hands to him for the lives of your children..; Lamentations 2:19 |
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The Following User Says Thank You to CelticJourney For This Useful Post: | rjy9343 (01-12-2012) |
01-12-2012, 01:21 PM | #35 | |
Deactivated
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: Second star to the right, straight on til morning.
Posts: 6,571
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Re: "Under Loving Command"
Quote:
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The Following User Says Thank You to NewLeaf For This Useful Post: | rjy9343 (01-14-2012) |
01-13-2012, 04:35 PM | #36 |
Deactivated
Peace be with you.
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: the sweet sunny south
Posts: 15,346
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Re: "Under Loving Command"
Yes, NewLeaf, that sentence makes no logical sense. What kind of grace punishes every offense?
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01-19-2012, 10:11 AM | #37 |
Seedling Rose
Join Date: Aug 2007
Posts: 21
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Re: "Under Loving Command"
That sentence makes me think of the parable where the man who is forgiven a great debt goes and (assaults?) someone who owes him a much lesser amount. It's as though the parents ,like the man in the parable are saying, "Whoopee! I've been spared the punishment I deserve, so now I'm free to go pass judgment on you and mete out what YOU deserve.". Instead of being humbled by the grace and passing it on. It's just so icky, IMO.
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The Following 11 Users Say Thank You to kbchavez For This Useful Post: | 6boysmom (01-19-2012), dulce de leche (01-19-2012), katiekind (01-19-2012), LearningMama (01-19-2012), NeshamaMama (01-19-2012), rjy9343 (01-19-2012), saturnfire16 (01-19-2012), StewardofLOs (01-25-2012), Tasmanian Saint (01-19-2012), Zooey (01-19-2012) |
01-19-2012, 01:07 PM | #38 | |
Administrator
"air-mannah Leen-dah" it means Sister Linda in Spanish
Join Date: Mar 2005
Posts: 51,865
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Re: "Under Loving Command"
Quote:
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My pages: Why Not Train A Child? and the FB Page as well as @WhyNotTrain on Twitter Read about how my husband was Pulled From The River By God |
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01-19-2012, 01:30 PM | #39 | |
Rose Garden
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: North Eastern CA
Posts: 9,119
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Re: "Under Loving Command"
Quote:
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~Emily INTJ, Type 4 Wife to D Mama to: E 12/05 L 7/08 Z 12/10 A 6/14 and J in heaven 2/10 Torah Keeping, Unschooling Family My blog on unschooling and family life: Peace On Dark Nights. |
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The Following User Says Thank You to saturnfire16 For This Useful Post: | rjy9343 (01-19-2012) |
01-19-2012, 02:18 PM | #40 |
Rose Garden
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: Northern Virginia
Posts: 10,090
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Re: "Under Loving Command"
A lot of the language you read in literature like this is also in Christian Domestic Discipline literature as well. Reading it was heart breaking and nauseating at the same time.
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Rita s IstJ Wife to my brilliant geek James iNtJ since 4/08 Mom to our angel boy Jay 5/08 our quirky miracle DD Ivy 6/10 mellow miracle DS Jacob 7/15 Often Please forgive my frequent typos Standing firmly on Team Lioness!!! Roar!!! I am ready for people to know I am a GCM find me on Facebook |
The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to rjy9343 For This Useful Post: | dulce de leche (01-21-2012), Zooey (01-19-2012) |
01-19-2012, 05:17 PM | #41 |
Seedling Rose
Join Date: Aug 2007
Posts: 21
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Re: "Under Loving Command"
Yikes! What circles are those? I've learned of a lot of sick stuff that goes on in some churches here on GCM, but I didn't know about this! I guess I shouldn't be surprised though... There's probably some who still believe there's nothing wrong with slavery, either...
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01-19-2012, 05:32 PM | #42 |
Rose Trellis
I live a wonderfully chaotic life!
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: Upstate, NY
Posts: 1,502
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Re: "Under Loving Command"
WOW,that is such a distorted view
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Megan Starting a new chapter! Sofia (01) Madeline(04) Quin(08) <>< <>< <>< Imaginations Creations You will win sweet mamma!!! facebook me Trimming the fat 4 life
formerly known as mammaof3 |
01-19-2012, 06:07 PM | #43 | |
Administrator
"air-mannah Leen-dah" it means Sister Linda in Spanish
Join Date: Mar 2005
Posts: 51,865
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Re: "Under Loving Command"
Quote:
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My pages: Why Not Train A Child? and the FB Page as well as @WhyNotTrain on Twitter Read about how my husband was Pulled From The River By God |
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The Following 3 Users Say Thank You to Hermana Linda For This Useful Post: |
01-19-2012, 06:35 PM | #44 |
Rose Garden
Join Date: Oct 2005
Posts: 24,062
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Re: "Under Loving Command"
I've never seen this before. How messed up!
I just got to the part where they are talking about how they will continue to use the "rod" on their daughter as a teenager. It's still hard to accept that people actually live like this.
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Mom of 3
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01-19-2012, 06:51 PM | #45 |
Rose Trellis
I live a wonderfully chaotic life!
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: Upstate, NY
Posts: 1,502
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Re: "Under Loving Command"
"3.--A spanking must never be administered in anger. Wait until both parties are calm and it can be carried out properly."
SERIOUSLY?!?!!? The issue is OVER why spank when the issue is OVER I am not saying spanking in anger is ok, but when it is over...
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Megan Starting a new chapter! Sofia (01) Madeline(04) Quin(08) <>< <>< <>< Imaginations Creations You will win sweet mamma!!! facebook me Trimming the fat 4 life
formerly known as mammaof3 |
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