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Unprepared for Parenting (Ezzos, Pearls, Etc.) *Public* Support and information for those affected by the Ezzos, the Pearls, and other punitive and adversarial methods of child-rearing. A public forum. Before posting here, please read this sticky and keep guideline 23 in mind:
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05-26-2012, 11:07 AM | #1 |
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Light bulb moment
I grew up being spanked as the first resort form of discipline. Often, I would react by getting angry (of course), and throwing a giant fit. I just now, at 30, realized in part why it was never just one spanking.
I didn't react properly. I didn't do what I was supposed to. I was *supposed* to submit and admit the error of my little kid ways. I was supposed to somehow connect the pain I was experiencing with my action and realize that I had done the wrong thing and remember not to do it again. I was supposed to be penitent and sorrowful for my actions. Except that I hadn't read the book. I didn't know that I was supposed to be sorry for what I'd done. I didn't know what I was supposed to be doing. I just knew that somehow, causing me pain didn't serve to ease the anger or the frustration of the person inflicting it. I did know that it hurt and it made me angry and that my anger and feelings were then directed immediately towards the pain and the person inflicting it. Spanking interferes with the cause and effect relationship of discipline and consequences because it comes between the erroneous action and the real-world results. |
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05-26-2012, 11:28 AM | #2 | |
Rose Garden
Join Date: Oct 2009
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Re: Light bulb moment
Quote:
Its hard to recognize sometimes.. I grieve for the little girl I was, and I wish I could go back and give her a heads up. The bolded should go in the Radom Quote section at the top of the page. :reckon |
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05-26-2012, 11:31 AM | #3 |
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Re: Light bulb moment
This is a great response to the idea that a spanking is supposed to get the child's attention.
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05-26-2012, 11:31 AM | #4 |
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Re: Light bulb moment
I would egg my parents on. I had a really tough bottom. My once broke a spoon on my bottom. I think she stopped spanking around that time. I was too "strong willed". I am glad I didn't come from a Dobson family. I am sure I wuldn't believe in God.
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05-26-2012, 11:38 AM | #5 |
Rose Trellis
Join Date: Jul 2011
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Re: Light bulb moment
Mostly what I remember is the relief when it was all over (I guess my parents thought that was repentance) But I think what spankings were really "good for" was the threat factor. All they had to do the next time something happened they didn't like is say "do you want a spanking?"
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05-26-2012, 11:45 AM | #6 |
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Re: Light bulb moment
I always said yes.
My parents didn't spank for godly reasons. They did it because they thought you spanked when kids were bad. So, I seriously don't have that connection.
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05-26-2012, 11:45 AM | #7 |
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Re: Light bulb moment
It was a hairbrush here. And my parents did like Dobson quite a bit. They respect the way we're raising our children, though, to their great credit.
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05-26-2012, 11:46 AM | #8 |
Moderator in Vegetarianism & Veganism
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Re: Light bulb moment
My mom is super proud of me. She loves how far I have come
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05-26-2012, 11:47 AM | #9 |
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Re: Light bulb moment
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05-26-2012, 12:03 PM | #10 | |
Rose Trellis
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Re: Light bulb moment
Quote:
Our spanking implement was a plastic spoon that STUNG like crazy. It was not something I ever wanted to endure if given the option. ---------- Post added at 02:03 PM ---------- Previous post was at 01:58 PM ---------- Also, I like your point about kids not reading the parenting manuals! In my case though, my parents were pretty up front with their spanking philosophy. We always had discussion sessions about why they were doing it, complete with Bible verses to back it up. It was a good way to get us to toe the line...of course we couldn't argue with God's chosen way!
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05-26-2012, 12:21 PM | #11 |
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Re: Light bulb moment
I am enormously thankful my parents didn't bring Scripture into it.
I was told that I had done something wrong, and now I must be punished, although I never really understood why. |
05-26-2012, 01:07 PM | #12 |
Rose Garden
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Re: Light bulb moment
Bringing Scripture into it really messed with my head and gave me burdens that no child should ever shoulder. It is only in the last year that I realized just how wrong it is to quote scripture at a kid before you hit them.
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05-26-2012, 01:15 PM | #13 | |
Rose Garden
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Re: Light bulb moment
Quote:
Or do you mean you never understood why you had to be punished? If that's the case, at about what age did you realize that you do need to make amends for a wrong done?
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05-26-2012, 01:19 PM | #14 |
Rose Trellis
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Re: Light bulb moment
GREAT insight, Lindsay! I was always confused about why I was getting spanked
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05-26-2012, 01:56 PM | #15 | ||
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Re: Light bulb moment
Quote:
Quote:
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