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Old 09-03-2014, 03:34 PM   #1
Caecelia
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Default Parenting 3 yr olds *sigh

I'm having a 'I don't know how to parent my 3 yr old' kind of day (month, year, whatever) and could use either encouragement that I'm on the right track, or some pointers on how to troubleshoot if needed. I think the biggest trigger to yelling (or spanking a handful of times ) is when she.does.not.listen. Trying to keep her out of the baby's face is a serious full time job, and I realize I could be a little more proactive about that. More times than I should, I lay the baby down on her activity mat (this girl LOVES to play with her toys!) while I am very close by, trying to get something done, and DD1 is on her like white on rice. I try to GOMB, and also include her in my chores, which some of the time she's pretty into, but it only goes so far, so I realize I should really just wear the baby and reserve activity mat time for when I can be right there. But, honestly, even when I'm sitting right there, I still have the same problem, and holy wow is she just.so.intense in her face right now. I can't seem to redirect her to any activity, and it's pretty random when she will play by herself. I try to have structure to our day, meal and naptime being anchors. I try to use baby's nap time as times to reconnect with DD1, and we have good reconnection time when she wakes in the morning and nap time usually. I just don't know if this is normal 3 yr old stuff that I just have to learn to control myself more, if she needs more structure/activities, or even more reconnecting time, since I feel like I yell too much. She seems really bored. How much directing play vs free play should Fill a 3 yr old's day? I try to suggest things to do and she rejects pretty much all my ideas. Crafts are generally a hit, but I need to beef up my craft arsenal, because she's over coloring/gluing things to paper in about 5
Mom. I've tried to just sit there and see if she spontaneously starts to play and that's pretty hit and miss. And then the baby is usually there in the midst of all of this, so I'm still running interference. I also do a lot of solo parenting, including bedtime during DH's work week, so I'm pretty exhausted, but I try to be vigilant about getting breaks when I can, since I realize that can color how well I cope with her behavior. It just seems really over the top lately. Are 3 yr olds really this intense?


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Old 09-03-2014, 05:35 PM   #2
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Default Re: Parenting 3 yr olds *sigh

I had to put the mat in the pack and play or behind a gate. Or baby had to be worn.
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Old 09-17-2014, 09:04 AM   #3
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Default Re: Parenting 3 yr olds *sigh

I could've written this! In fact, I was about to start a thread called"somebody tell me this ends" (aka 3 yo HOLY CRAP age). My 3 to is also in 12 wk old sisters face, it's intense. What's helping is a game called "what is baby looking at" I invented. It only works if he's away from her face, then we play simon says and he says to her what is say however I say it (hi baby! While wiggling my fingers or something). He's also stopped most independent play and requires constant attention that I'm finding draining because I too solo parent a lot only to then have 2 hr bedtime battles (my husband normally does that if home, but then goes to bed cause it's late and he works early). I am struggling big time to connect with him though. It's to the point where it's such a struggle that the connection moments either make it worse or no different.


I'm yelling and have issued a handful of spankings as well. I'm wondering if I even know how to parent and if the grace based parenting thing I believe so much in will actually produce a child I enjoy being around. Of course I love him and like him (he's an angel away from home and SO loving and sweet...). It's just intense all.the.time. At home. It's like a power struggle 25/7 (no that's not a typo). Anyway, sorry to hijack! But wanted you to know you're not alone.
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Caecelia (09-21-2014)
Old 09-17-2014, 09:48 AM   #4
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Default Re: Parenting 3 yr olds *sigh

Can you get her involved in helping with the baby? Can you give her planned moments throughout the day to "hold" the baby.

My oldest was like that with both of his younger brothers. I must have said, "Get out of the baby's face!" a million times!

I do think she sounds bored. Is she getting plenty of big muscle movement? I'd try to plan out some exercise time as it fits into your daily routine to help tire her out and mellow her a bit.
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Old 09-20-2014, 04:16 AM   #5
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Default Re: Parenting 3 yr olds *sigh

Yup, three year olds are that intense. And I think mine only operated in 5 minute blocks, nothing kept her attention for long. It was exhausting. But it does get better, honest.

Can you connect with other moms with kids the same age or a little older? Three was also when my kids started to be entertained by other kids (in a whirlwind, tornado-y sort of way). A break and some time with equally-tired grow ups can make a big difference.
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Old 09-20-2014, 05:59 AM   #6
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Default Re: Parenting 3 yr olds *sigh

With a 3 yr old and a baby if you can get into the prevent and protect mode will help a lot.That looks like if you are not wearing or holding baby using something like a reclining high chair so that baby is up higher and where you are at all times.And then when you are holding baby encourage 3 yr old to snuggle on other side and tell him/ her about what it was like when THEY were that size and at those times encourage the gentle hands and positive behaviors.Also calling the baby our baby or even YOUR baby sister etc Also if you encourage your toddler to do things you can watch them do while nursing baby - dance,make a little play or puppet show etc. 3 can be a hard time for them and you and add a new baby in and it can be especially challenging.
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Old 09-21-2014, 10:08 AM   #7
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Default Parenting 3 yr olds *sigh

Thanks for all the encouragement! I apparently was on verge of getting sick when I wrote this, so I think my attitude toward life was colored by that a little, ha. I also read back what I wrote and realized I should just go ahead and read Raising Your Spirited Child, and that has been a really helpful resource as well. I am doing all of the suggestions offered here to varying degrees, and it really helps (especially now that I'm feeling better) to know that this is normal--I forget too easily and on too frequent of a basis. Bea423, I relate exactly to everything you wrote. I'm noticing a pattern of a lot of self doubt in grace based parenting when I'm not feeling as good, either through illness, sleep deprivation, or just having a hard week. We've
had a fairly enjoyable week overall, so it helps to acknowledge that those weeks do exist at times!
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Old 09-21-2014, 11:15 AM   #8
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Default Re: Parenting 3 yr olds *sigh

And 4 is such a different season usually so you can lok forward to even better times.Of course new baby will have whole diff set of dynamics by then. When I had a young baby and 4 yr old ,the ds4 was really in ore of a protective mode and normal developmental things baby would do would be worrisome to him - like trying to pull up on things
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