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08-26-2015, 06:14 PM | #1 |
Rose Garden
Our sweet family, 2017
Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: The Woodlands, TX
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Discipline and the ADD/ADHD child
So we learned today that PJ is most likely ADD/ADHD. Because we homeschool a lot of the "markers" aren't as obvious since we let her be as wiggly/start-and-stop-y as she wants to be and tend to keep her lessons very short, hands-on, etc., so the psych wasn't able to give us a 100% yes or no - but given DH is ADD it's not much of a surprise. Discipline with her has always been difficult and more often than not has lead to explosive anger outbursts and rages that last for an hour or more, and I'm wondering if there are things we should do differently with her given this possible diagnosis. Does gentle discipline look different with kids with AD(H)D?
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Alison wife to Daniel mother to AJ (12/28/05) and PJ (03/19/08) Inspirational Women's Fiction author Children's storybook author Homeschool coach |
08-26-2015, 06:28 PM | #2 |
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Re: Discipline and the ADD/ADHD child
It's definitely not an easy road to walk My dd is very similar to what you describe. Making boundaries and sticking to them is a must - but that pretty much goes with many parenting styles anyhow. My dd tends to push back and be a line pusher, but at the same time, she wants the security of the line being held. With that being said, picking and choosing my "battles", so to speak, is really important.
Is your dd about 7? (From the dates on your siggy, that's what it looks like). During that age, we did choose to medicate for a time, because the ages of 7-9 were particularly hard to go through with her. It was really helpful, and the meds slowed her down enough to start teaching her some coping skills that stuck with her.
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08-26-2015, 07:20 PM | #3 | |
Rose Trellis
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: Victoria, Australia.
Posts: 2,317
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Re: Discipline and the ADD/ADHD child
I'd like to follow along. My 6yo has ASD, ADHD, and really high anxiety. It's tricky to parent him without being accused of being too lenient but punitive stuff just doesn't work.
I wrote a post of my own just now but it got too long and OT so I scrapped it. Would you mind if I put a little of it here? Quote:
I'm glad we homeschool because there's just so much scope to move and wriggle and run and change things on a moment's notice to suit what's needed. But it's also difficult and relentless. I don't think I have discipline figured out except that it's constant and active. Looking forward to hearing some more experienced voices.
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Our family has been blessed with two boys -
Echidna 2006 and Bilby 2009. In the search for community which combines a love of our Creator with a love of raising children gently. Echidna, 7.5yo: "Does icebergs (aspergers) mean lots of lego?" |
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08-26-2015, 07:22 PM | #4 |
Rose Garden
Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: Seattle area
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Re: Discipline and the ADD/ADHD child
I am going to listen in to this, because I think this may be part of early bird's problems.
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Momma to my 29 weeker Early Bird who is thirteen and my little Wiggle Worm born 33 weeks who is nine. How do I have a teenager?! I don't feel ready for this. |
08-26-2015, 08:18 PM | #5 | |
Rose Garden
Our sweet family, 2017
Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: The Woodlands, TX
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Re: Discipline and the ADD/ADHD child
Quote:
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Alison wife to Daniel mother to AJ (12/28/05) and PJ (03/19/08) Inspirational Women's Fiction author Children's storybook author Homeschool coach |
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08-26-2015, 08:33 PM | #6 |
Rose Garden
Why climb a mountain? Because it's there!
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: Selkirk Mountains
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Re: Discipline and the ADD/ADHD child
I have a child with anxiety and would almost assuredly qualify for a diagnosis of ADD if we had him evaluated.
I've found it's really important to put our relationship with him first. I can get overly focused on making sure he learns how to function in society. But, more than anything, I want him to look back on his childhood and know that, without a doubt, his parents loved him just the way his is and were his biggest advocates, supporters, and were never disappointed in him. I can get tired of the lack of normalcy but this is what life has served me. I can season it any way I like. |
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08-26-2015, 09:41 PM | #7 | |
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Re: Discipline and the ADD/ADHD child
Quote:
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08-26-2015, 10:38 PM | #8 | |
Rose Trellis
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: Victoria, Australia.
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Re: Discipline and the ADD/ADHD child
Quote:
Ok, I would have to do it if it were my situation (and likely try meds), but my remaining shreds of sanity would be in tatters. Some days (many days) my 6yo takes everything I have to give. I'm glad my older child is so laid back and able to take most things in his stride.
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Our family has been blessed with two boys -
Echidna 2006 and Bilby 2009. In the search for community which combines a love of our Creator with a love of raising children gently. Echidna, 7.5yo: "Does icebergs (aspergers) mean lots of lego?" Last edited by BlissfullyEsther; 08-27-2015 at 07:23 AM. Reason: clarity |
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08-27-2015, 12:03 AM | #9 |
Rose Garden
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Virginia
Posts: 11,512
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Re: Discipline and the ADD/ADHD child
One thing I often see is that people think a child with ADHD needs a ton more structure and I have found over time that's not always true. Definitely having routines and some structure is good but having excessive amounts just causes more stress for everyone. You aren't going to make their ADHD go away by making their entire life regimented, you are just going to make them miserable. My child with ADHD actually needs more down time than would be typical to recover from structured things because it is so much work for her mentally to do things like school work and chores.
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08-27-2015, 07:03 AM | #10 | |
Rose Blossom
~never lose your joy
Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: High desert of New Mexico
Posts: 158
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Re: Discipline and the ADD/ADHD child
Quote:
3 of mine were dx add/adhd and violent at times. Medication made me cry and ache even to administer. But we did it for a while. They are all off (my youngest I ponder if we did it too soon), but hugs to you, because when you love your babies, it hurts to see them struggle. I kept the youngest home for a bit when they came off the meds. The older ones told me they felt a bit like zombies at school. They had also reached the point it was causing them not to sleep at night and they were hardly eating. I totally agree to more down time! Imagination with Legos, and art (not all video games, cause my boys could lose themselves in those boxes lol) You might journal their behavior along with foods, I was recommended it, but due to having other things to get done that fell to the wayside. But as to discipline (as per the OT), we had a lot of lets stop this (whatever was causing the meltdown) and move to another room, usually the couch, with a book a blanket and snuggle with mom. My dishes stayed dirty, my house got dusty, and sometimes the laundry piled up, but having that peace was worth it for both husband and myself. |
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