Mamas that are "Messies" Support Thread

Yeah...there've been times when DH was out of town for weeks in a row and church "friends" would say, "Well, we'll be praying for you." It was all I could do not to holler, "Get off your knees and come give me a hand! I don't need your prayers, I need your help!"

[mamajane]

Originally Posted by Lin

Yeah...there've been times when DH was out of town for weeks in a row and church "friends" would say, "Well, we'll be praying for you." It was all I could do not to holler, "Get off your knees and come give me a hand! I don't need your prayers, I need your help!"

Maybe you could say it to them, just in a nice voice.

Nice voice? Oh, wait, hold on--let me find it. I know it's around here somewhere.

[Kiara.I]

Originally Posted by Lin

Nice voice? Oh, wait, hold on--let me find it. I know it's around here somewhere.

It's probably hiding right next to my ability to follow through on all my great ideas. Like cleaning up.

[graceandmercy]

Originally Posted by Lin

Yeah...there've been times when DH was out of town for weeks in a row and church "friends" would say, "Well, we'll be praying for you." It was all I could do not to holler, "Get off your knees and come give me a hand! I don't need your prayers, I need your help!"

I think the same thing. I have a very hard time getting started, but if I have someone here to help me then I can get a lot accomplished!

Originally Posted by Kiara.I

It's probably hiding right next to my ability to follow through on all my great ideas. Like cleaning up.

That's me too!

[duckwithoneleg]

oy.

i've hit that point again where i suddenly realized i don't remember the last time i did laundry. literally. it was months ago. not counting like an odd load here and there that was washed and dried and then stuffed onto the top shelf in the closet so it would be out of our way when it was time to go to bed.

dishes procreate. i swear they do. it's only dh and i, HOW did we use that many mugs in 3 days??!?!?!

i think, also, i discovered my problem. my problem is that i don't care. i want my house to be clean *in theory*. and i want it to be clean when people come over.

but i've never once in my life maintained a clean environment for more than a week. i'm *used to* clutter. i'm used to waking up in the morning and grabbing the first thing that feels like a t shirt from a pile of clothes crammed on the top closet shelf/pile on the floor/under the bed. the "clean clothes pile". not an organized closet or drawers with long sleeved shirts on this side and short sleeved shirts on that side.

i'm used to always washing a mug before i drink out of it because there are no more clean ones in the entire house.

i'm used to random objects out of place and my craft box exploding all over the room.

and i don't actually care.

but i want to care. for the sake of my family. and anyone who EVER visits me.

[Peridot]

Yup. I want to care, really I do.

But I see stuff on the floor, and go, 'meh'

[Kiara.I]

Originally Posted by duckwithoneleg

i think, also, i discovered my problem. my problem is that i don't care. i want my house to be clean *in theory*. and i want it to be clean when people come over.

but i've never once in my life maintained a clean environment for more than a week. i'm *used to* clutter.

and i don't actually care.

This is huge. We honestly need to reprogram, a little bit at a time. Pick one thing and make yourself do it until it becomes a habit, right? Once that's reprogrammed (or at least well on the way) add another thing.

Of course, I want everything done yesterday. So I tend to binge and fail instead.

[duckwithoneleg]

Originally Posted by peridot

Yup. I want to care, really I do.

But I see stuff on the floor, and go, 'meh'

me too hahahaha i really think if we were neighbors, we would be friends. we could visit and not pick up our houses beforehand. and we could sit there together and not care

---------- Post added at 07:41 PM ---------- Previous post was at 07:39 PM ----------

Originally Posted by Kiara.I

This is huge. We honestly need to reprogram, a little bit at a time. Pick one thing and make yourself do it until it becomes a habit, right? Once that's reprogrammed (or at least well on the way) add another thing.

Of course, I want everything done yesterday. So I tend to binge and fail instead.

binge and fail , that's exactly what it is! that's been my whole life in regards to cleaning!

you're right though. that's what i keep trying to do. sometimes i think allie on hyperboleandahalf is writing about ME. like this one: http://hyperboleandahalf.blogspot.co.../am-adult.html


"how does this happen??!?!" "I DONT KNOW I DONT KNOW!!!"

[SweetMelissa]

Originally Posted by Lin

I just thought of something, y'all. In the past, and currently in other cultures, families lived more communally. Auntie pounded out the millet while Grandma-in-law stirred a big pot of something, while the men and boys older than 6 went to the fields to toil and sweat and get nice tans. Guess what Mommy got to do? Sit in the shade and nurse that sweet baby. And then strap the baby to her back while she did some stuff, and then when the baby needed to nurse again, it was fine. When Mommy needed to take a nap, cousin so-and-so could watch the toddlers while you curl up with the baby.....and another cousin-so-and-so shook out the dust mats. And when you needed to go to the bathroom? Somebody was around to hold the crying baby so you could take a ' dump in peace and quiet! (Sorry.)

DH says I'm over-idealizing that communal life-style and that there's no way I'd tolerate having all those people around me all the time. But at this point in my life I think I'd give up electricity and chocolate if there was just somebody to play with the 3 y.o. while I took a quick nap. Or an extra pair of hands to hold the baby while I took a (rare) shower so nobody's standing outside the shower curtain screaming.

At any rate, what I'm getting at is this.

We cook our own food.

We clean our own homes (every so often).

We take care of our children.

Sometimes we take care of our husbands.

We do laundry.

We do shopping.

Some of us homeschool.

None of us sleeps enough.

Each of us does the work of at least 3 people. Sometimes when DH is home, I think even two adults isn't enough! Somebody still needs something NOW and we can't do it.

I think we're doing pretty good. We're doing well for doing the amount of work we have to do.

I know, sometimes we look at other people in other cultures and think, "Man, if I had to go to the river and hand scrub my clothes....." But what we forget is that while they're at the river hand scrubbing their clothes, there's other people around to help keep an eye on their kids, and there's somebody at home sweeping out the mud hut----everybody shares in the work.

We Americans are so independent we can do everything all by ourselves.

Anyway, I think we need to give ourselves a break (preachin' to the choir here) and realize we're doin' the best we can.

If I could thank this x3, I would!

I definitely belong here. Dh and I are both messies, and even though we share the work pretty evenly, we still can't keep up. I hate that we're modeling this for our children. I find myself feeling like a terrible hypocrite when I tell them "when we get something out, we have to put it away" or "we have to clean up the messes that we make" because I am not doing that myself most of the time.

I too ignore the clutter and mess until it just reaches a point where I can't stand it and then we have to have a few days of catching up so that we can function, and then it's just better, not really good.

[mamajane]

Originally Posted by duckwithoneleg

and i don't actually care.

but i want to care. for the sake of my family. and anyone who EVER visits me.

Well, I wouldn't feel bad for your visitors. They're only there for a while, and might be happy to see someone else's messy house (I've felt happy to see someone's messy house before).

Does your dh care? You could ask him if there's one thing he'd like you to keep up with better for him and that would give you direction.

---------- Post added at 06:36 PM ---------- Previous post was at 06:32 PM ----------

Originally Posted by MelissaAndFinn+1

I hate that we're modeling this for our children. I find myself feeling like a terrible hypocrite when I tell them "when we get something out, we have to put it away" or "we have to clean up the messes that we make" because I am not doing that myself most of the time.

I too ignore the clutter and mess until it just reaches a point where I can't stand it and then we have to have a few days of catching up so that we can function, and then it's just better, not really good.

You're not a hypocrite if you admit that you want to do better in that area too. You can say instead "we should try to..." or "it's a good idea to...". Maybe that would feel more genuine?

We have a giant pick up every Friday in Preparation for Sabbath. We literally sweep a giant pile up from under the table and around the living room and sort through it: trash, paper, toys, writing utensils, shoes.

I just look forward to having household help someday. My house has gotten pretty grimy around the edges.

[duckwithoneleg]

Originally Posted by mamajane

Well, I wouldn't feel bad for your visitors. They're only there for a while, and might be happy to see someone else's messy house (I've felt happy to see someone's messy house before).

Does your dh care? You could ask him if there's one thing he'd like you to keep up with better for him and that would give you direction.

he doesn't really care either. which is both motivating and not motivating for me. because if he cared and was pressing about it, i would cave in on myself and never clean again, i think.

but the fact that he's a messy who doesn't really care too, makes me kind of care even less.

though i think it would be helpful if i at least had the laundry done and in some sort of organized fashion just so that he can get out the door faster in the morning

[mamajane]

Originally Posted by duckwithoneleg

he doesn't really care either. which is both motivating and not motivating for me. because if he cared and was pressing about it, i would cave in on myself and never clean again, i think.

glad he's not heavy about it!

[Kiara.I]

So who's up for a "pick one thing" challenge? I could start a spinoff...

[graceandmercy]

Originally Posted by duckwithoneleg

me too hahahaha i really think if we were neighbors, we would be friends. we could visit and not pick up our houses beforehand. and we could sit there together and not care

---------- Post added at 07:41 PM ---------- Previous post was at 07:39 PM ----------



binge and fail , that's exactly what it is! that's been my whole life in regards to cleaning!

Yep! This would be wonderful not thinking my house has to be perfect before I let someone in it! And yep, I binge and fail all the time!

Originally Posted by Kiara.I

This is huge. We honestly need to reprogram, a little bit at a time. Pick one thing and make yourself do it until it becomes a habit, right? Once that's reprogrammed (or at least well on the way) add another thing.

Of course, I want everything done yesterday. So I tend to binge and fail instead.

I'm like that too, I want it "ALL" done and "NOW"!!!!!!!!!!

Originally Posted by Kiara.I

So who's up for a "pick one thing" challenge? I could start a spinoff...

I would love to do this!!!!!