ENFPs and Homemaking

Sculpturegirl · 07-16-2009, 07:14 AM

Hi, I'm an ENFP. I have many gifts and have spent my life being a "high acheiver." Now I'm a homemaker and I'm not really very good at it. I am good at making the home beautiful and I enjoy cooking. However, ENFPs are notrorious for being distracted and for being terrible with those mundane every day tasks. When I lived alone I only ate when I felt like it. 5pm means nothing to me, except a starving DH comes home. We didn't eat until 8pm last night.

My house is full of creative explosions. (I'm painting the kitchen cabinets right now LOL) DH handles it well, especially for an ISTJ. I'm good at deep cleaning, renovations, painting, decorating, and making this place fun. I totally suck at day-to-day maintainence. He is good at day-to-day operations, but I feel like since he works all day he shouldn't have to do that. Hmmm... maybe I ought to get a job and pay for a housekeeper.. LOL

It's hard to be really good at something and be in a life situation where I am doing those things that I'm really, really NOT good at. I was in tears last night about it.

Why can't I do those things I am good at instead

Abibigail · 07-16-2009, 07:19 AM

Oh, honey, I knooooooooow. I am INFP, and we have the same deal. DH is ISTJ as well, and it is HARD!! No advice, but I hope someone else has some!

and

Sculpturegirl · 07-16-2009, 07:32 AM

Sometimes it's nice to know that I'm not the only one. I get it stuck in my head that DH would prefer a wife who always had the house clean, ran all the errands, doesn't forget about the laundry for three days and dinner ready at 5pm. Instead, he got me.

On the other hand, I keep life fun and beautiful and make this the house he wants to come home to every day. More or less. I'm crazy about him, I respect him and did I mention I'm fun?

He knew what he was getting himself into. He met an artist living in a messy, crazy garage with no shower. That's who he married. Ever since our wedding, I've struggled with trying to be my idea of a "wife." And I fall flat on my face.

crunchymum · 07-16-2009, 08:05 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Sculpturegirl

Hi, I'm an ENFP. I have many gifts and have spent my life being a "high acheiver." Now I'm a homemaker and I'm not really very good at it. I am good at making the home beautiful and I enjoy cooking. However, ENFPs are notrorious for being distracted and for being terrible with those mundane every day tasks. When I lived alone I only ate when I felt like it. 5pm means nothing to me, except a starving DH comes home. We didn't eat until 8pm last night.

My house is full of creative explosions. (I'm painting the kitchen cabinets right now LOL) DH handles it well, especially for an ISTJ. I'm good at deep cleaning, renovations, painting, decorating, and making this place fun. I totally suck at day-to-day maintainence. He is good at day-to-day operations, but I feel like since he works all day he shouldn't have to do that. Hmmm... maybe I ought to get a job and pay for a housekeeper.. LOL

It's hard to be really good at something and be in a life situation where I am doing those things that I'm really, really NOT good at. I was in tears last night about it.

Why can't I do those things I am good at instead

oh my goodness! this is me to a "T"... i'm an ENFP, but i never connected that with the way i keep house...

dh and i joke about how the only way to guarantee the house gets clean is to have a party or invite people over.

i fanticize about hiring someone to cook and clean so i can do the important business of creating... *sigh* one day. i know it frustrates dh (especially the late late dinners), but i don't know what to do, really. i've tried so many ways to get a routine or schedule working for us... it's so hard. so i guess i am just comiserating with you.

Sculpturegirl · 07-16-2009, 08:08 AM

I like to think that homemaking is a task that isn't particularly well suited to ENFPs rather than thinking I am defective in some way. Sadly, I beat up on myself too much of the time.

crunchymum · 07-16-2009, 08:10 AM

that's a helpful way to frame it.

Abibigail · 07-16-2009, 08:22 AM

Yeah, I'd much rather take one day and clean the whole house all at once than have to wash a few dishes every day, do one load of laundry every day, pick up the floor every day, etc.

RealLifeMama · 07-16-2009, 08:26 AM

ITU!

allisonintx · 07-16-2009, 08:45 AM

I'm right there with you. I so suck at this.

Sometimes I can get a good handle on it for a while, then I get to the point where I feel like, "I already did the dishes, I don't have to do them again, because I already DID them!

" and then things start to go you know where in a handbasket.

Right now my house is so scary because I'm so sick of doing the jobs over and over and them not staying done (talk about unrealistic expectations!)

ArmsOfLove · 07-16-2009, 01:11 PM

add me to the list

a few books I highly recommend:

Organizing for the Creative Mind
Decluttering your heart and home

sometimes I think if I spent the time and energy I spend beating myself up for not getting stuff done actually doing stuff I'd be on top of everything

kwisie · 07-16-2009, 01:17 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ArmsOfLove

sometimes I think if I spent the time and energy I spend beating myself up for not getting stuff done actually doing stuff I'd be on top of everything

That is profound. And so descriptive of me, too.

rosesnsnails · 07-16-2009, 01:43 PM

Yup. I stink at it especially right now with my home all disorganized and underconstruction not to mention the little baby in my arms. I love homeschooling, but it starts to fall in the same category sometimes.

Sculpturegirl · 07-16-2009, 01:47 PM

I'm actually fairly good at decluttering. I have moved so many times that I keep throwing things out. But if I'm not involved in a creative project, I'm not happy. Usually creative project= total chaos. Then DH comes by and cleans it up, but if I'm not done it halts my progress. *sigh*

You are right, though, beating myself up takes up twice as much time as cleaning my house. LOL

Mashena · 07-16-2009, 01:53 PM

from an ISTJ who use to live with an ENFP for a couple years (as roommates) - we don't mind so much because ya'll are fun!

(of course - I'm sure it's different with a husband/wife dynamic)

though I don't think I'll ever get over the fact that my former ENFP roomie packed up and moved a box of dirty dishes rather than washing them first...hahaha

belaruska · 07-16-2009, 02:02 PM

Y-E-S-S-S-S
riiiight there with you!

here are somethings that are working: for jobs that need to be done almost daily and that drive me nuts if not done i worked out a way to do them with least effort.
example: bathroom sink. we have a marble high gloss counter, high gloss fixtures, and we use natural soap=daily build up of residue that looks like dirt. bleh! so, under the sink i have my spray bottle and washcloths just for that. i might be in there just to pee, and it takes me exactly 45 seconds to clean the sink, b/c everything is right there

Which for me is a difference b/w it being done, and not being done, as ds often just does not give me enough time for these little tasks.

I am also great at decluttering. We have virtually zero clutter (but plenty of misplaced items). In fact, if anything, i throw away things i'm not supposed do

07-16-2009, 07:14 AM	#1
Sculpturegirl Rose Bouquet Join Date: Nov 2006 Location: Western Pennsylvania Posts: 532	ENFPs and Homemaking Hi, I'm an ENFP. I have many gifts and have spent my life being a "high acheiver." Now I'm a homemaker and I'm not really very good at it. I am good at making the home beautiful and I enjoy cooking. However, ENFPs are notrorious for being distracted and for being terrible with those mundane every day tasks. When I lived alone I only ate when I felt like it. 5pm means nothing to me, except a starving DH comes home. We didn't eat until 8pm last night. My house is full of creative explosions. (I'm painting the kitchen cabinets right now LOL) DH handles it well, especially for an ISTJ. I'm good at deep cleaning, renovations, painting, decorating, and making this place fun. I totally suck at day-to-day maintainence. He is good at day-to-day operations, but I feel like since he works all day he shouldn't have to do that. Hmmm... maybe I ought to get a job and pay for a housekeeper.. LOL It's hard to be really good at something and be in a life situation where I am doing those things that I'm really, really NOT good at. I was in tears last night about it. Why can't I do those things I am good at instead __________________ ENJOYING our daughter, Asha Srushti, who was born in Gujarat, India in June, 2007 and brought home to us July 28th, 2009!

07-16-2009, 07:19 AM	#2
Abibigail Rose Garden Abby gettin' a little emo... Join Date: Mar 2008 Location: Look for the big green minivan outside. That's us! Posts: 4,040	Re: ENFPs and Homemaking Oh, honey, I knooooooooow. I am INFP, and we have the same deal. DH is ISTJ as well, and it is HARD!! No advice, but I hope someone else has some! and __________________ Abigail...but you can call me Abby Mom to E, 12/06, and L, 07/08!

07-16-2009, 07:32 AM	#3
Sculpturegirl Rose Bouquet Join Date: Nov 2006 Location: Western Pennsylvania Posts: 532	Re: ENFPs and Homemaking Sometimes it's nice to know that I'm not the only one. I get it stuck in my head that DH would prefer a wife who always had the house clean, ran all the errands, doesn't forget about the laundry for three days and dinner ready at 5pm. Instead, he got me. On the other hand, I keep life fun and beautiful and make this the house he wants to come home to every day. More or less. I'm crazy about him, I respect him and did I mention I'm fun? He knew what he was getting himself into. He met an artist living in a messy, crazy garage with no shower. That's who he married. Ever since our wedding, I've struggled with trying to be my idea of a "wife." And I fall flat on my face. __________________ ENJOYING our daughter, Asha Srushti, who was born in Gujarat, India in June, 2007 and brought home to us July 28th, 2009!

07-16-2009, 08:08 AM	#5
Sculpturegirl Rose Bouquet Join Date: Nov 2006 Location: Western Pennsylvania Posts: 532	Re: ENFPs and Homemaking I like to think that homemaking is a task that isn't particularly well suited to ENFPs rather than thinking I am defective in some way. Sadly, I beat up on myself too much of the time. __________________ ENJOYING our daughter, Asha Srushti, who was born in Gujarat, India in June, 2007 and brought home to us July 28th, 2009!

07-16-2009, 08:10 AM	#6
crunchymum Mod Squad Member Join Date: Mar 2005 Location: Chicago Posts: 23,785	Re: ENFPs and Homemaking that's a helpful way to frame it. __________________ ~ jen wife to my first kiss mama to spreezy, jones, and bubs ~ born at home #4 due around christmas! birth doula my waterbirth montage my etsy! "i did not want my children to love me because i had been an adequate mother, because i would never be one, this i already knew. i wanted my children to love me for the same reason i want my children themselves to be loved: because we are all irreducible, irreplaceable." -gina bria

07-16-2009, 08:22 AM	#7
Abibigail Rose Garden Abby gettin' a little emo... Join Date: Mar 2008 Location: Look for the big green minivan outside. That's us! Posts: 4,040	Re: ENFPs and Homemaking Yeah, I'd much rather take one day and clean the whole house all at once than have to wash a few dishes every day, do one load of laundry every day, pick up the floor every day, etc. __________________ Abigail...but you can call me Abby Mom to E, 12/06, and L, 07/08!

07-16-2009, 08:26 AM	#8
RealLifeMama Rose Garden Join Date: Mar 2005 Location: North Carolina, USA Posts: 13,770	Re: ENFPs and Homemaking ITU! __________________ Mom to 9 yo A 7 yo N 3 yo C 16 mo old R Planning to make brownies early March 2011

07-16-2009, 08:45 AM	#9
allisonintx Administrator Some Cal/Mag will probably fix that. Join Date: Mar 2005 Location: behind on the laundry Posts: 30,023	Re: ENFPs and Homemaking I'm right there with you. I so suck at this. Sometimes I can get a good handle on it for a while, then I get to the point where I feel like, "I already did the dishes, I don't have to do them again, because I already DID them! " and then things start to go you know where in a handbasket. Right now my house is so scary because I'm so sick of doing the jobs over and over and them not staying done (talk about unrealistic expectations!) __________________ Wife to Stephen, Mother to Elizabeth 15, Andrew 13, Abigail 10 and Evelyn 8

07-16-2009, 01:11 PM	#10
ArmsOfLove Administrator Join Date: Mar 2005 Posts: 58,626	Re: ENFPs and Homemaking add me to the list a few books I highly recommend: Organizing for the Creative Mind Decluttering your heart and home sometimes I think if I spent the time and energy I spend beating myself up for not getting stuff done actually doing stuff I'd be on top of everything __________________ I need your grace, to remind me, to find my own Snow Patrol, "Chasing Cars" Learn about my family Author of Biblical Parenting and Grace-Based Living Founder of Arms of Love Family Fellowship Pastor, Shema Congregation--a Nazarene congregation devoted to Messianic fellowship and Hebraic study

07-16-2009, 01:43 PM	#12
rosesnsnails Rose Garden Join Date: Mar 2005 Posts: 4,646	Re: ENFPs and Homemaking Yup. I stink at it especially right now with my home all disorganized and underconstruction not to mention the little baby in my arms. I love homeschooling, but it starts to fall in the same category sometimes. __________________ Jen Wife to J since 1994 Mom to J since 1998 Mommy to J since 2000 Angel Baby Joshua Aaron 2003 Mommy to J born early in 2009 Relying on God has to begin all over again every day as if nothing had yet been done-C.S. Lewis-from a letter To Mrs. L.

07-16-2009, 01:47 PM	#13
Sculpturegirl Rose Bouquet Join Date: Nov 2006 Location: Western Pennsylvania Posts: 532	Re: ENFPs and Homemaking I'm actually fairly good at decluttering. I have moved so many times that I keep throwing things out. But if I'm not involved in a creative project, I'm not happy. Usually creative project= total chaos. Then DH comes by and cleans it up, but if I'm not done it halts my progress. sigh You are right, though, beating myself up takes up twice as much time as cleaning my house. LOL __________________ ENJOYING our daughter, Asha Srushti, who was born in Gujarat, India in June, 2007 and brought home to us July 28th, 2009!

07-16-2009, 01:53 PM	#14
Mashena Rose Bouquet act justly, love mercy, walk humbly Join Date: Aug 2008 Location: Chicago Posts: 836	Re: ENFPs and Homemaking from an ISTJ who use to live with an ENFP for a couple years (as roommates) - we don't mind so much because ya'll are fun! (of course - I'm sure it's different with a husband/wife dynamic) though I don't think I'll ever get over the fact that my former ENFP roomie packed up and moved a box of dirty dishes rather than washing them first...hahaha __________________ - Nicole, a HAES-supporting ISTJ house-mom of eight teenagers mashena *(Hebrew: welcome, stability, a place of rest)* blog

07-16-2009, 02:02 PM	#15
belaruska Rose Garden Join Date: Jul 2008 Posts: 6,541	Re: ENFPs and Homemaking Y-E-S-S-S-S riiiight there with you! here are somethings that are working: for jobs that need to be done almost daily and that drive me nuts if not done i worked out a way to do them with least effort. example: bathroom sink. we have a marble high gloss counter, high gloss fixtures, and we use natural soap=daily build up of residue that looks like dirt. bleh! so, under the sink i have my spray bottle and washcloths just for that. i might be in there just to pee, and it takes me exactly 45 seconds to clean the sink, b/c everything is right there Which for me is a difference b/w it being done, and not being done, as ds often just does not give me enough time for these little tasks. I am also great at decluttering. We have virtually zero clutter (but plenty of misplaced items). In fact, if anything, i throw away things i'm not supposed do __________________ I'm Irene ~enFp, healer by vocation, nurse by profession, lover of music, nature and books, a poet, and a very hopeful romantic~ married to Dillon, my rock Growing worthy every day of my two blessings Saleem (at 3 & 1/2 the best big bro ever! ) and Anya Niamh (9 months and too beautiful for words) brought by the Spirit into an urban Mennonite community Working towards a degree in Thai Bodywork

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