Death linked to Pearls' advice--sensitive

[Lantern Light Mama]

I emailed fox news under the subject: "Child Dies After Mother Fallows Advice of Parenting Gurus".

In the email it simply said ...."A four year old boy dies after his mother admits to using the teachings of The Pearls, authors of To Train Up A Child, that promote child abuse in Christian homes."

[Wonder Woman]

and I had already emailed People.com about it - I just sent them the new link

[QuiltinGramma]

BluegrassMama,

(DH & I both love bluegrass music, you too?) I have been making brochures out of ArmsofLove's essays (I'm not sure what to call them --topics). In another post she told one of the ladies to go ahead and print them off, so I have been putting them in booklet (the long ones) and brochure form through Microsoft Publisher. I was going to write her and let her know about it because I really feel these are needed in this form, but just hadn't gotten around to it and now she's gone for the weekend. I did it in Publisher because that is the format I have and I don't like the Adobe format. If you have Publisher, I would be glad to forward any of her topics to you in that form. I'm trying to put a couple of pictures/cliparts in each one so if you have any neat clipart go ahead and send them to me. I'm running out of good pictures.

I have learned so much from her articles as I proof them and get them to fit the pages. When I finish with hers, there are some other articles here at GCM that would be good in brochure form. Of course, I will check with all the authors before doing this, but I truly feel the info we have here needs to be in pamphlet form so that we can copy if off and give to people instead of just giving them a regular 8-1/2x11" piece of paper. I am trying to get as many of the articles in pamphlet form as possible and once done here, if sparetherod has articles and is willing I'll go there and do theirs also. We'll see if we can get a system going to get all these articles in pamphlet form for everyone's use. Once permission is granted I'd be glad to print off any pamphlets and mailing them at cost to anyone who wants them. I could even mail masters so that you can print your own. But, as I said I need to talk to Crystal and a couple of others first.

You just gave a great title for a new pamphlet -- "The Concept of Grace." Anyone willing to put words to it now??

JandSmama, thank you for your kind words. I love your letter. I wrote my while the fury was still in my blood at so that I would have the courage to write. I don't believe I've ever written a letter to a reporter/newspaper before to protest or defend anything. I have done a lot of talk protest to DH or close friends but never to action to it until yesterday. While being here on this board, I have read some of the Pearl and Ezzo stuff but mostly steered away from it because I would get upset by what I read and then I didn't know what to do with my feelings. But I felt the need to put Crystal's articles into brochure form and as I read her articles, I began to understand more and more about GBD. And then I saw the post about little Sean's death, I was drawn to it. And after reading the article and everyone's reactions here, I just knew now was the time to do something.

I am not going to be the one the press will come to, girls. You, who have been here the longest, you who have children in your homes, you who are actively using GBD and see the results daily will be the ones the press will want to talk to. You will be the ones with the answers to give and the proof that these methods work. And, I will be here to encourage and do anything I can to support you. If research is needed, tell me where to go and I will do it. If something needs to be printed up, tell me what to print and I will do it. And should I need to speak, I will speak.

Tonight, I am meeting with a friend. I have sent her the newspaper article and tonight and in the days to follow we will talk about it and I will introduce GBD and GCM to her...and hopefully she will introduce it to her daughter who has 2 dc and 2-3 dsc. Sean's death has opened a door for us not only for national exposure (hopefully) but also open the door to our friends and neighbors who may possibly follow the Ezzos and the Pearls. Now, I must get something to eat (been up for quite awhile and haven't eaten yet) and find a brochure I like for my friend and print it off and see if I can make a Pearl pamphlet to print off to give to her.

to all of you and let's keep writing and promoting GBD.

[Soliloquy]

I can't even think about what to write . . . this is so sad. Those poor kids. I hope this gets national attention.

Just for the record... I browsed the internet a bit and came up with quite a few instances where this story was covered by CNN, one of the major networks (abc, I think) and local news in NC. They are, however, simply reporting the basic facts and not delving into the parenting philosphy that led to the abuse. They focus either on the failure of CPS or the fact that these children HAVE family who want them but can't afford them, etc. This is why I find Mandy's article so significant and important.

So for those of you who are approaching the media, be aware that the story is being followed. The "real" story that I hear everyone hear wanting to get out is that punitive parenting--even in a "Christian" home--can and often does lead to child abuse... that the concept of controlling and dominating other people, especially the weaker and innocent, by means of physical force is a form of abuse in itself... that the church at large has been deceived into accepting corporeal and punitive parenting as "God's way" and that this deception is now bearing the fruit of emotional ravage, physical injury, and death. Christian teachers, including "fringe" groups like the Pearls and mainstream names like Dobson, need to have their teachings questioned, challenged, and debunked. Pearl is probably the most explicit teacher I know of in terms of teaching specific abusive tactics, but even widely accepted men like Dobson teach things which create the *dynamic* that often leads to abuse--encouraging parents to view their children as enemies, and "win the war" using corporeal punishment. Combine those concepts--defeating your enemy and using overwhelming force (physical pain) to do it--and how can you have anything else? *sigh*

Just wanted to add that when I came to the point of questioning punitive parenting and looking for another way, my first lead to gentle parenting was a late-night tv show on a public channel. I think it was called "The Spanking Debate" and it featured Crystal and Joanne for the "gentle" side of the debate. So know that any way we can get gentle discipline resources mentioned in the media is worth it. Even if it only reaches one family, there are precious lives that will be changed.

[BluegrassMama]

QuiltinGramma, Dh and I are folk and bluegrass musicians

I think brochures and pamphlets is a great way to go! We could all leave them in places where mamas are found, and have 'em handy when the subject comes up (or when we bring it up).

Palil, it is probably something that the media would prefer to hold at arm's reach, criticizing the likes of Dobson, et al. I agree that the issue will need to be forced...the link between skewed Bible teaching and child abuse.

It may be easier to focus on someone like the Pearls. They have been so open about their teaching. I don't wish 'persecution' on anybody, and I don't feel vindictive toward them (today) but I'm thinking they would be a good focal point. They are articulate, forceful, determined, and prolific in their writing (as opposed to Ezzo, who sounds like a chucklehead and is so dishonest and sneaky, its like nailing jello to a tree to even interview him or his followers....or Dobson who is so widely accepted in the mainstream and has such a huge, middle-of-the-road type readership).

I know for myself, seeing the extremes of Pearlism and Ezzoism caused me to re-evaluate my stance of reserving spanking for a last resort. It was the shock and horror of seeing children treated that way in the name of the Lord, that first led me to understand grace. And then extend it to my children.

So maybe others can be shocked by this story where an abusive mother found justification in Pearls' teaching, to take a minute to compare it to their own opinion and belief.

I am so completely upset that I need time to compose myself.

Seriously.

There was a quote, Quote
Some of the Pearls' defenders say you can't blame them for parents who take their advice to an unhealthy extreme.

Don't the Pearls know they *are* the unhealthy extreme?

Someone else noted that they said beat a child with something that fits in a purse.

I can break at least two inch-thick boards with my *fist*. That translates to I can break any given bone in your body.

My fist can fit in my pocket.

, it's time these people were held accountable for the deeds they encourage.

And, one other outcome of this, Christ is *shamed* through the association between draconian parenting teachings and Christianity.

DB

[Titus2Momof4]

With all due respect.....

This is not said to ruffle any feathers....and I respect your right(s) to your opinion, and freedom of speech (letter-writing agendas). But, I am wondering what is going to happen when the people you are writing to actually LOOK at the books by the Pearls, and they see that nowhere do the Pearls suggest 1) wrapping a child with a blanket 2) beating a child so hard as to bruise them 3) beating a child so hard he becomes limp 4) beating a child across the back and leaving bruises 5) using a 2ft pipe purchased from Home Depot. These are all things pulled out of that article, btw. You certainly have a right to voice your concerns, just as others may voice concerns over GD. But...frankly this woman is using the Pearls as a copout, IMO. True, she may have started out using Pearl-specified methods.... but all that stuff in that article was not Pearl recommended.

[righteous mama]

But Pearl does recommend whipping your child and if the child does not willingly take the beating...ie tries to escape or protest...you beat them more. Translate that. If I whuped my child 5 fives with the recommended piping and she decided she didn't want to be whupped and tried to squirm away...I am to whup her more. Say another five whups. OK, ten whups total. That's just one time. Pearl recommends whuppin' a lot. So let's multiply that by three...or even just two...a morning whuppin' and an evening whuppin'...well, that's twenty licks with an object not meant to leave bruising BUT meant to hurt. My dd is very small for her age...twenty licks...even split up...could do some internal damage to her...not to mention spiritual damage.

And you are assuming the ladies here have not read Pearls "book". I myself began to read it for "research" sake and felt so ill that I declared myself exempt from reading it. I do not need to fill my mind with garbage and that is exactly what the Pearls write.

Pearl advocates that you continue beating a child until his spirit is broken.

That and the idea of circumventing a parent's natural tenderness toward a child with the false teaching that spanking is Biblically mandated is a lethal combination.

Excuse the pun.

Debra Baker

[Wonder Woman]

I've read all the garbage stuff the Pearls have written. He may not tell you to suffocate them with a blanket, but he talks about making the punishment fit the crime, not lightening up even when they show remorse, breaking their spirit, etc.

Your post sounds very close to a defense of them. And they are indefensible

ETA: he does talk about leaving bruises, too. they just aren't supposed to last 'too long' He's a child abusing, violence advocating megalomaniac. And that's the nicest thing I have to say about him.

[Lantern Light Mama]

Are we not called to hold our brother and sisters in Christ accountable? The Pearls advocate child abuse, plain and simple. There is no reason any other family should have to go down that road if it could be prevented. I think by not holding The Ezzo's , The Pearl's and The Dobsons of this world accoutable we are doing them more harm than good. There is a point when they WILL be called to examine what they teach and what they preach in God's name, and they will be held accountable whether its in this life or before God. God is good and his justice is good.

What happens in an average Ezzonite or Pearl fallowing house is nothing less than child abuse. You could not beat an animal with a 2 foot lenght of pipe so why be allowed to beat a human being?

[Wonder Woman]

Titus2Momof4: are you endorsing or defending the Pearls? I don't want to misunderstand where you are coming from, but I've read several posts you've written that seem to be defending them.

I'd also like to gently remind you of this:

Specific Rules

Beyond the broad rule of not posting things which are against our statement of beliefs, here are some specifics.

1. No posts promoting or supportive of punishments, including spanking and traditional timeouts, or other punitive ideas.

The Pearls encompass other punitive ideas, I'd think we all agree

This is not said to ruffle any feathers....and I respect your right(s) to your opinion, and freedom of speech (letter-writing agendas). But, I am wondering what is going to happen when the people you are writing to actually LOOK at the books by the Pearls, and they see that nowhere do the Pearls suggest 1) wrapping a child with a blanket 2) beating a child so hard as to bruise them 3) beating a child so hard he becomes limp 4) beating a child across the back and leaving bruises 5) using a 2ft pipe purchased from Home Depot. These are all things pulled out of that article, btw. You certainly have a right to voice your concerns, just as others may voice concerns over GD. But...frankly this woman is using the Pearls as a copout, IMO. True, she may have started out using Pearl-specified methods.... but all that stuff in that article was not Pearl recommended.

Actually, yes it is. And I've read the "Pearl stuff" --- I still have "To Train up a Child". I still get their newsletter (I just have't gotten around to unsubscribing yet). You *are* to bruise a child -- and they use the "blueness of the wound" verse in Herbrews to back that up. You *are* to beat him until he stops fighting and squirming and moving (becoming limp). They tell you exactly what kind of flexible pipe to get and where (Home Depot and Lowe's). My church, even, says that if you bruise a child while "disciplining" him, that you are just doing what the Bible says. And a lot of times, you *must* bruise them. . .that's what 'cleanses' them. Are you sure we're talking about the same people? She specified that she was taking "tips" from the online newsletter. . and I've seen all that and more on there, including hosing down children with cold water during cold weather (outside) to 'shock' them and teach them a lesson.