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Unprepared for Parenting (Ezzos, Pearls, Etc.) *Public* Support and information for those affected by the Ezzos, the Pearls, and other punitive and adversarial methods of child-rearing.
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Old 09-18-2014, 07:22 AM   #1
Mother of Sons
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Default Cried even in my sleep last night

I really don't know why I had such an extreme reaction. I was at church and in the room I was in about 5 feet from me there were three teenagers talking about Adrian Peterson and they were defending him. They kept calling it a spanking so I asked if they had seen the pictures. They said no and I described what happened. I also stated that I don't agree with spanking but I don't judge those that do but this was not a spanking. One kind of rolled his eyes at me for interrupting and then said "now don't go getting offended about what I'm going to say. ". He then went on to defending hitting with a switch, blamed the boy for moving around during the hitting and said this is what black people do. I felt sadder and sadder listening to them but I didn't say anything. Then he said something like "anyone who was spanked as a kid knows it's fine" and continued on with the same babble about it's good for kids, I'm glad my parents spammed me etc. I said "I was spanked and I don't think it's ok" etc. he looked at me says "O-kaaaaaaay-y" and something else I don't remember that basically meant "no one asked you, now get lost". I apologized for butting in and left. I ended up bawling. I get mad when adults talk like that but I had hope that the next generation would be different. They aren't. I cried my eyes out telling my kids why I don't believe in hitting kids. They didn't know what to say lol I think I ruined the night. Then all night long I dreamed I was hanging out with the duggars and cried the whole time. I'm so weird.

I feel like it's hopeless. People who believe in hitting kids just have such a sad view of children even though I know they love them. I just can't stand it. If I hit your kid it's a crime, if you hit your kid it's a private family matter.
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Old 09-18-2014, 07:50 AM   #2
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Default Re: Cried even in my sleep last night



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Old 09-18-2014, 08:09 AM   #3
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Default Re: Cried even in my sleep last night

Teenagers still have a lot of time to mature and change their thinking. And speaking with you might be what sparks change in coming years. I look back from the ripe old age of 35 and want to shake my teen self for some of my nutty views. Have hope for these kids
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Old 09-18-2014, 08:29 AM   #4
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Default Re: Cried even in my sleep last night

When I was a teen / before I was a parent, I remember spouting a pro-spanking opinion a few times myself. I was just parroting what I had learned from my parents, and never had any real contradictory perspectives given. Minds can change. Maybe you planted a seed so that they will remember that there are some Christians who don't believe you have to spank your kids.
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Old 09-18-2014, 09:06 AM   #5
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Default Re: Cried even in my sleep last night

peace for your heart and growth in wisdom for theirs.

As a teenager, I would wish aloud that my mother would have spanked me. She didn't. She did, however, utilize shame like a weapon of mass destruction. I couldn't articulate at the time why I thought it was wrong or why I thought spanking would have been better.

I would have been an articulate kid and could easily have made someone trying to make a counterpoint cry.

Praise God that in His mercy, He showed me so many more tools in the years between then and now.
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Old 09-18-2014, 09:54 AM   #6
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Default Re: Cried even in my sleep last night

I think for teens and even many adults, it's just easier to rationalize what happened to you than to confront your past. It *has* to be okay to spank/switch/whatever a child because it would be too painful and take to much work to consider otherwise. I'm not sure what makes some people willing and able to do that work and not others, but I'm so thankful to have changed my views since I was a teen.

But that would have totally tore me up to witness that conversation too.
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Old 09-18-2014, 10:12 AM   #7
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Default Re: Cried even in my sleep last night

I'm sorry, mama. At least you spoke up, though. I probably would have shuddered and walked away.

I was pro-spanking up until the first time I thought I might need to spank my son for a misbehavior. Then, I just couldn't do it. It seemed so barbaric.

You've given those teens something to think about, even if they aren't receptive to it now.
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Old 09-18-2014, 11:00 AM   #8
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Default Re: Cried even in my sleep last night

I agree. I think planting a seed is very worth it. I was pro spanking and I only got hit a handful of times as a child. Most people respond to new info with distrust, especially if it challenges a deeply held belief
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Old 09-18-2014, 12:20 PM   #9
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Default Re: Cried even in my sleep last night

I may have seen this script for such encounters here:

"Well, I was spanked and I turned out just fine."

"No, you didn't. You think hitting kids is OK."
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Old 09-18-2014, 12:22 PM   #10
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Default Re: Cried even in my sleep last night

I think I was probably most pro-spanking when I was a teenager. You're witnessing how culture gets passed through the generations. People love their parents and it's hard to face that their parents would cause them pain when they didn't need to. For all their counter-cultural reputation, teens can have a strongly conformist streak to them.
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Old 09-18-2014, 04:01 PM   #11
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Default Re: Cried even in my sleep last night

You planted a seed. Those teenagers might have their own kids in 5 or 10 years, and they might remember that you are someone they can go to for different advice than their parents are giving.

I would have said the same things as a teen, but things change when you actually have kids.
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Old 09-18-2014, 04:13 PM   #12
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Default Re: Cried even in my sleep last night



Nodding along with what everyone else posted. The hardest part of that situation is that it WASN'T spanking, it was far worse.
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Old 09-19-2014, 01:44 AM   #13
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Default Re: Cried even in my sleep last night

I was talking with my mom about the Matt Walsh blog comments on Facebook - so many exactly like what the teenagers you overheard were saying - and I was saying that even if you believe that spanking is required, necessary, it should be something that turns your stomach and that you never want to do. The way people defend it, and take pleasure in it, and laugh about it, and mock those who don't . . . I will never understand it It is truly evidence of how broken humanity is
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Old 09-22-2014, 10:42 AM   #14
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Default Re: Cried even in my sleep last night

I wish I could tell my teenage self to just shut up already, there is no reason for people see your ignorance.
People like you planted and watered seeds that caused me to gently parent my daughter. People like you are the reason Ivy does not get spanked or punished. Words like yours made me look for a better way. Even if those kids did not hear it now, they will later when they have an actual child. Theoretical children are light years from the children you have.
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Old 09-23-2014, 05:54 PM   #15
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Default Re: Cried even in my sleep last night

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