Temper Tantrums

[weerach]

And im not sure what exactly is best to do. Its the little boy i look after. He can be great one day then the next is nothing but tantrums and Autumn hasnt been doing anything like that so i dont want her starting to copy him. What would be the best way to handle it? He goes into a tantrum if i say no and take him away from something he wants and when he gets his diaper changed, he kicked me that much when i was changing his diaper the other day that i have a big bruise on my leg. I cant allow that kind of behaviour but im unsure on how to deal with it. He is almost 20 months. He is very good at communicating and is learning new words all the time and knows the meaning of No lol. He is an only child and i dont know if that has something to do with it. I have him 4/5 days a week till 6pm ish.

Any advice??

[Love_Is_Patient]

Can you try changing his diaper standing up? He may resist less that way. (And it will be harder to kick you).

Tantrums are normal for that age, no matter how verbal they are. How long does each one go on? You can't really stop a tantrum once it starts, so it's not a question of 'allowing' or not. Don't reinforce it by giving in, of course. You can try reflecting his feelings, and maybe be more proactive about putting 'no' items out of reach to begin with. Cuddle with him if that seems to help, or try distraction with some other interesting object, or just wait it out nearby.

[dulce de leche]

ITA w/ changing the diaper standing up! It makes life much easier here. This is an old blog post I wrote about how we deal with tantrums. For me, what helped most of all was not so much a list of specific techniques (although some have worked great), but adjusting my own mindset about big emotions. http://dulcefamily.blogspot.com/2009...of-part-i.html

[tazmom]

What do his parents do when he tantrums at home?

[weerach]

Originally Posted by Love_Is_Patient

Can you try changing his diaper standing up? He may resist less that way. (And it will be harder to kick you).

Tantrums are normal for that age, no matter how verbal they are. How long does each one go on? You can't really stop a tantrum once it starts, so it's not a question of 'allowing' or not. Don't reinforce it by giving in, of course. You can try reflecting his feelings, and maybe be more proactive about putting 'no' items out of reach to begin with. Cuddle with him if that seems to help, or try distraction with some other interesting object, or just wait it out nearby.

Well as a childminder all the "No" items are out the way anyway, its things like if he has taken a toy from one of the other children or if he has gotten on the sofa ansd is jumping up and down. There doesnt seem to be a set time limit on his tantrums, they can be just for a few seconds or can last half an hour. I will try changing his diaper standing up, but not if its a stinky one lol.

As for what his parents do, his mom is on her own, she says she does the same as me but im not sure. When he as pitched a tantrum when she has been here she just laughs. I dont reinforce it by giving in, i dont do it with Autumn so im not doing it with anyone elses adn it would weaken my authority too so im quite careful with that. I have tried cuddling with him but he kicks and yells even more and if i try adn distract him with another toy he throws it across the room! I have resorted to making sure he cant hurt himself and have just left him in the middle of the floor and kept an eye on him. Autumn sits with her hands over her ears crying her eyes out when he gets going cause it scares her.

[tazmom]

My first thought is that he doesn't know what to do with his big feelings. He's upset and all he knows how to do is yell and scream and lash out, so that's what he does. He needs to be taught what *to* do.

I would start with validating his feelings before he has them. Just before you take the toy away say, "I'm going to take away this toy because you will not share (or whatever reason). You are going to be very angry with me." Then give him options of what he can do to get the feelings out like go hit a bed, do an angry dance, etc. After the tantrum validate his feelings some more.

It will take time, practice and maturity, but he'll eventually start coming around. Maybe even faster if you can get the mom on board.

I wouldn't change the diaper of a child that is kicking me. He can stop or he doesn't get his diaper changed. Have you tried giving him transition-type warnings that you are going to change him?

[weerach]

Originally Posted by michelle3802

My first thought is that he doesn't know what to do with his big feelings. He's upset and all he knows how to do is yell and scream and lash out, so that's what he does. He needs to be taught what *to* do.

I would start with validating his feelings before he has them. Just before you take the toy away say, "I'm going to take away this toy because you will not share (or whatever reason). You are going to be very angry with me." Then give him options of what he can do to get the feelings out like go hit a bed, do an angry dance, etc. After the tantrum validate his feelings some more.

It will take time, practice and maturity, but he'll eventually start coming around. Maybe even faster if you can get the mom on board.

I wouldn't change the diaper of a child that is kicking me. He can stop or he doesn't get his diaper changed. Have you tried giving him transition-type warnings that you are going to change him?

He is 19 months, would giving him options work? Hope that doesnt come over as being very skeptical or anything, iv just never heard of anyone doing this before. As for changing his diaper i say "Rachel is going to change your diaper now robbie" adn i let him see me taking the diaper and wipes from the bag and get everything ready, then i change him. Today i tried something different, i made a game out of it and tickled him adn tickled his feet adn made funny noises etc and it worked. No tantrums!! Felt well pleased with myself lol.

[milkmommy]

I wouldn't change the diaper of a child that is kicking me. He can stop or he doesn't get his diaper changed.

A dirty diaper needs to be changed here not changing wouldn't have been a choice heck that would have ment my child would have been in the same dirty diaper for months at a time and as much as I wouldn't want my sitter being hurt and would deffeitnly be working on my childs reactions not changing would just not be acceptable... I do agree try changing standing up that helped a ton here.
Glad to here the game helped
With DD speech delays that was a really difficult age for us...

Deanna

[tazmom]

Originally Posted by weerach

He is 19 months, would giving him options work? Hope that doesnt come over as being very skeptical or anything, iv just never heard of anyone doing this before. As for changing his diaper i say "Rachel is going to change your diaper now robbie" adn i let him see me taking the diaper and wipes from the bag and get everything ready, then i change him. Today i tried something different, i made a game out of it and tickled him adn tickled his feet adn made funny noises etc and it worked. No tantrums!! Felt well pleased with myself lol.

I don't think it will work right away, but eventually it should help. I used to provide day care for a 1 yo who, at the slightest inkling of hearing no, would throw himself backwards head-first into a tantrum. (His parents would catch him so he wouldn't get hurt and then give in and give him what he wanted. That's why I asked about the parents.) I wouldn't give in and I started telling him what to do instead and eventually he stopped having as many tantrums. I figured that instead of validating feelings and heading off the tantrum once it's started, I'd do it before it started and help him work through properly outletting his emotions.

Originally Posted by milkmommy

A dirty diaper needs to be changed here not changing wouldn't have been a choice heck that would have ment my child would have been in the same dirty diaper for months at a time and as much as I wouldn't want my sitter being hurt and would deffeitnly be working on my childs reactions not changing would just not be acceptable... I do agree try changing standing up that helped a ton here.
Glad to here the game helped
With DD speech delays that was a really difficult age for us...

Deanna

I just reread what I wrote and that part came out harsher than I intended. I meant it more as trying again in a few minutes. I have wrestled a toddler to get a diaper on them. Making a game out of it is a great idea. I'm glad it worked!