Unprepared for marriage or women damaged by Pearls, et al?

[bluedotsmom]

I apologize in advance for the disjointed nature of this post and nebraskanmom move this here because this is where we seem to discuss the Pearls, et al the most.

Ok, I know we have the Marriage forum, but I haven't been there much because all the anniversary, nurturing fondess threads seem to be overwhelming (not bad, just...not what I'm looking for?) This topic has been on my heart and was just brought up to me by a dear friend.

The Pearls and others espouse 'truths' that are not only damaging to our children but to us as women and to our marriages. The Unprepared For Parenting forum is great for those searching for rebuttals to those kinds of 'parenting' books, but what about the other? It's easy to discount their child-rearing info, but sometimes I think there are those who can get lost in the rest of it. You know, "they're wrong on spanking, but hey look at what they say about marriage!" or "they're marriage stuff is okay, I'll just leave the parenting."

How do you respond to this? What good resources are there for women, wives, marriages damaged by these things?

So far, I've only said, "If they say to treat our tiniest, newborns as evil sinners & I believe that is wrong, I won't wade through garbage to find a tiny bit of wisdom." And I recommend Elizabeth George or Sally Clarkson. But it feels like my responses is rather lame and without evidence to back it up.

It would be nice if we could have a forum along the lines of the UPP forums for the adult problems with the lies held forth by Pearl, Tripp and the like.

Hope this makes sense and TIA for reading

[bluedotsmom]

Anyone?????? Crystal, can you write a Biblical Marriage book?

[hsgbdmama]

I agree, I have read CTBHHM and there are many women who feel that it "saved" their marriages; however, it is just one big guilt trip that leaves one absolutely numb, so numb that you don't even realize what you are reading when you get to MP's part where he says you must put up with being abused.

For me, a better book to read, which I have recommended is Families Where Grace is in Place -- it addresses the respect issues in marriages without all the icky, guilt trip stuff.

[bluedotsmom]

Thank you, Jodi...I'll have to get that book.

The old church that got into Ezzo and kicked us out, remember them from me whining?

Well, their marriage theology is as base and off as their parenting theology.

Basically, I am here for my husband.

DB

[ArmsOfLove]

Actually . . . . . . the book I'm working on now is about how grace impacts our entire family relationships and our lives in general. It's going to be more in depth than my first. I wish I had more time to work on it, but it's coming along

I also recommend Van Vondervan

[bluedotsmom]

Thanks, Debra and Crystal...keep it coming ladies!

Crystal, is there a particular title by Van Vondervan? I'm not familiar with that name?

[AmyDoll]

Van Vondervan wrote "Families Where Grace is in Place"

[bluedotsmom]

I have so many books on my Amazon wish list, but I've just been adding titles from here as I see them. I'll bet on most of them that I haven't looked at who the author is.

[Punkie]

Originally Posted by ArmsOfLove

I also recommend Van Vondervan

Kind of OT, but if anyone TiVos Oprah, he was on the other day We're going through his book right now in our Bible study

[UltraMother]

So, if we do add yet another forum, lmk- I'd be interested in this one.

I would be interested too. I was really brainwashed by CTBHHM. So much that I gave it to two of my friends . What do I say now after I bragged about this book? I really think that I should tell them that I made a mistake. One friend was even going to do TTUAC I shared alot of things that I have read here and she changed her mind. I feel bad for being apart of all that.

[Rbonmom]

One HUGE issue that I found when reading MP's stuff (out of curiosity, not for myself) was that he believes we can become sinless in this lifetime
One thing that really upsets me in the church is how so many people I respect will wade through this garbage without really questioning it. My sister was telling me about a friend of ours who's dh came from an abusive background and possibly struggled with it himself, and how his wife was just raving about CTBHHM There are so many great marriage resources and you don't have to take the advice of an abusive, legalistic, possible unsaved, definitely decieved man!

[4gifts]

Originally Posted by JandSmama

For me, a better book to read, which I have recommended is Families Where Grace is in Place -- it addresses the respect issues in marriages without all the icky, guilt trip stuff.

After seeing that several of you reccommended Jeff Vanvonderen...I checked on eBay and got this book for $5. Looking forward to getting into it.

[Lady TS]

Um....what's CTBHHM?