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Old 02-04-2013, 10:50 AM   #211
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Default Re: s/o parenting self-talk

that was me subbing to this awesome thread. amazing amazing wisdom here
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Old 02-04-2013, 03:04 PM   #212
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Old 04-29-2013, 08:08 AM   #213
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Default Re: s/o parenting self-talk

As a newbie, I have found this thread helpful and encouraging.
Helpful - I've already started teaching myself so I can respond more gracefully.
Encouraging - I have a legitimate reason to talk to myself!

Also, it helps me to know that others struggle with similar things. I was hesitant about joining this group because I thought maybe it was filled with moms that are gentle and kind and never get angry or yell at their kids.... It's much more helpful to see that it is filled with moms who do get angry and regretfully yell at their kids while pursuing gentleness and kindness!
Thank You!
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Old 06-02-2013, 07:18 PM   #214
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Default Re: s/o parenting self-talk

Another one falling in love with this thread! I am so grateful that Allison pointed me here.

I don't have children yet, but I know I can start GDing/re-parenting myself now so I've got a head start! I definitely struggle with anger issues stemming from emotional abuse growing up, but DH has been a huge help walking me through healing from that, so it's better. But I want to gain more tools and strengthen myself as much as I can before kids!
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Old 06-03-2013, 04:05 PM   #215
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Default Re: s/o parenting self-talk

LOVE, Love, love, this thread. The idea of self-talk hadn't really occurred to my in such a practical. way. I definitely needed it!
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Old 06-03-2013, 04:53 PM   #216
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Default Re: s/o parenting self-talk

It's so startlingly effective to patiently parent the little girls in your head, and watch how they respond.
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Old 06-03-2013, 06:33 PM   #217
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I really needed this today. I'm glad it got bumped.

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Old 06-03-2013, 06:46 PM   #218
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Default Re: s/o parenting self-talk

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Old 08-18-2013, 08:07 AM   #219
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Default Re: s/o parenting self-talk

I'm glad I found this thread. I want to come back and and re-read and really soak in all the wisdom here.
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Old 08-19-2013, 12:32 PM   #220
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Default Re: s/o parenting self-talk

Thank you for bumping this !
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Old 10-14-2013, 09:24 PM   #221
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Default Re: s/o parenting self-talk

I'm late to the party, but I want to sub and remember this. I cried through all 15 pages. I'm not doing okay. It helps to know other mamas I admire have been there.
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Old 10-14-2013, 10:18 PM   #222
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Default Re: s/o parenting self-talk

If you're here and you made it through all 15 pages, you're already moving forward.

You might just be amazed at what an impact realizing that you can re-parent yourself toward health will make in your life, in a very very short time.
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Old 10-16-2013, 03:17 PM   #223
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Default Re: s/o parenting self-talk

Quote:
Originally Posted by Blue-EyedLady View Post
I'll have to actually try this to see, but I think DS is too long for me to be able to do this. If I have my legs up high enough to pin down his arms, I think I'll be sitting too close to him to be able to wash his bottom. He's a tall boy (takes after DH) and I'm a short lady.

I think the problem I'm having is the part where you said "so you can lift his legs and change his diaper." If I lift his legs, he locks his knees and pushes with his feet to lift his whole body so that only his shoulders and head are on the changing table. His legs and bottom are squeezed together so that I can't actually clean up the poop. Does that make sense?

Oh - it makes me SOOOO just to think about this! I'm not mad about the poop - as they say "poop happens", right? It's the posture he uses which seems deliberately designed to frustrate me and prevent me from getting him cleaned up, and the fact that he's getting too strong for me to do anything about it.

I have to use all my strength to unlock his knees and spread his legs so that I can actually get to the poop smeared all over his whole diaper area. I usually use my left arm and entire upper body to hold him in position and block his hands as much as possible. I need to have my center of gravity over his upper body in order to have enough leverage to hold his (insanely strong) legs down. If I'm sitting on the floor, then I'm using my feet and hands (the weakest parts of my body) to hold him.

Does that make sense? I can sing a happy song all I like, but when he's screaming in my face because I'm holding him down, I feel like Mommy, the sadist. "Oh, you don't like this? You feel trapped and helpless? La la la-la-la."
So, this is totally off subject but I had to reply when reading this thread just in case some other mom is trying to learn self-talk and also is struggling with this. Mine ds must be changed standing....end of story. If I stand him on the edge of the sink holding him or on the floor if he is took wiggly then he behaves pretty wonderfully. I just focus on his face or let him play with something. I use wash cloths, but it works when we are out and I'm using wipes. It is just like washing a toddlers bottom, but my ds is only 14 months. I've been doing it since he was 6 months and could stand. He HATES to lay down and that is when I come close to losing it and see red so I just don't make him.
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Old 10-16-2013, 03:27 PM   #224
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Default Re: s/o parenting self-talk

Something I said to my son that I thought I needed to start parenting myself with:

"I know it's hard, and I know it's sad, but sometimes we have to do things we don't want to do."

Which is a lot better than, "Suck it up, cupcake."
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Old 10-16-2013, 04:15 PM   #225
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Default Re: s/o parenting self-talk

Quote:
Originally Posted by JenniferM View Post
I was hesitant about joining this group because I thought maybe it was filled with moms that are gentle and kind and never get angry or yell at their kids....
Sorry... that struck me as so stinkin' funny after the day I've had.
Quote:
It's much more helpful to see that it is filled with moms who do get angry and regretfully yell at their kids while pursuing gentleness and kindness!
Thank You!
Grace is for mommies too.

It was a real turning point for me allowing my kids to correct me. "Mom , that was rude and uncalled for." allowing them to have that voice I never did.

My 16yo daughter turned to me today and said , "Well that was mean." I realized it was and made amends.

My 19yo daughter's boyfriend startled...no...he scared the beejeebers outta me yesterday. I called him a very unflattering name in the heat of the moment. My daughter said , "MOTHER!! Language...my tender ears are burning here." I didn't apologize for that one , her boyfriend deserved it.
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