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04-26-2008, 10:31 AM | #16 | |
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Re: Discipline can "fix" a problem
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04-26-2008, 11:12 AM | #17 |
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Re: Discipline can "fix" a problem
I don't want to make it sound like discipline and setting your kids up for success isn't vital either. But I really think sometimes we have to recognize that this *is*, and you're simply stuck with it until your children mature and internalize the lesson.
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The Following User Says Thank You to MarynMunchkins For This Useful Post: | Waterlogged (02-18-2011) |
04-27-2008, 04:43 PM | #18 | |
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Re: Discipline can "fix" a problem
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Great thread!
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Tracey Blessed to be married 24 years. Ever-learning Gentle Mama to 3 Amazing Boys (17, 14, 12) I am determined to be invincible until He has finished His purpose in me. |
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07-07-2009, 03:37 PM | #19 |
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Re: Discipline can "fix" a problem
This is the single best thread I have ever come across on GCM. I needed to read this so very much and it has ministered to me in a dozen different ways.
... will be back many times to read over... (I'm thinking this should be a sticky) |
The Following User Says Thank You to La Loba For This Useful Post: | joyinthejourney (08-05-2009) |
07-07-2009, 06:16 PM | #20 |
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Re: Discipline can "fix" a problem
This is something I really struggle with, especially with DS. Sometimes I just want his behavior to stop and I feel like if I could just do xyz (whatever that might be) then it would stop. I just get so frustrated trying to figure out what that xyz is. Thank you for reminding me that it's not always about fixing the problem, my concentration needs to be on disciplining him for the long run and possibly waiting for him to mature out of certain behaviors.
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07-07-2009, 07:28 PM | #21 |
Rose Garden
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Re: Discipline can "fix" a problem
I keep posting thank you's to posts, because I am loving this thread.
I've been reading Families Where Grace Is in Place (I'm not very far) and I think this answers one of the disconnects I was having. The author was talking about how families that are under grace relate to each other -- allowing the individual to be who they are, and how families living under the curse relate -- controlling the other person to behave as I want. The disconnect was occurring, b/c I'm not seeing where to draw the line with my kids of helping them to be who they are while acting appropriately and when I'm crossing that fine line of controlling. The example of my 4 yo and church comes immediately to mind I want so much for her to sit still, behave, be quiet, act like all the other children her age (and younger!), but it just isn't happening. I need to accept who she is (if her behavior is quiet and not disruptive to let her be, even if it's not what *I* want) and take her out of there when it goes past what she can control. This is so hard for me -- but I really want to actualize this and live it for my families sake. I'm Realizing that I'm not GBDing b/c of the results it will bring (no one can guarantee that) but rather because I truly believe it is the best way to teach my children (and myself) what they need to know to function at their healthiest in all they do. I can only teach and pray, I can't internalize the lessons for them. Now I have to work on my constant self talk of how people around me must be judging me to be an ineffective parent (esp. when I'm at Church!).
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The Following User Says Thank You to tigerlily For This Useful Post: | joyinthejourney (08-05-2009) |
07-07-2009, 07:41 PM | #22 |
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Re: Discipline can "fix" a problem
I know a lot of parents get frustrated when the "answer" given to the problem they posted about is "he's 3" or "she's 5" but Sometimes that IS why they are doing it and no matter what you do for discipline they won't stop doing it until they turn the next age and start doing the annoying thing for that age
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The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to ArmsOfLove For This Useful Post: | joyinthejourney (08-05-2009), sweetpeasmommy (07-08-2009) |
07-08-2009, 05:01 PM | #23 |
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Re: Discipline can "fix" a problem
But sometimes it just has to stop, doesn't it? LIke hitting the baby, or doing something extremely antisocial or inconsiderate. How can we expect our kids to develop self control if we don't act like we expect them to do so?
I have to admit that this is a real conundrum for be. He is just 2 or 3 or 4 or 5.....When my friends who expect their kids to learn self control and "train" them to develop it manage to get their kids to not do things my much older kids are doing. Aaaaaaaand i note that my 7 year old can and does avoid the street and the fireplace but will NOT stop jumping on the furniture. He was constantly riding my daughter's ride on toy (and scratching the wood floors) until i told him if he did it again he would not ride his bike for two days...and guess what? VOILA self control. :bang head: i hate it when being punitive works. |
07-08-2009, 05:29 PM | #24 |
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Re: Discipline can "fix" a problem
This is an old thread.
No one is saying to simply ignore the behavior. When it needs to stop, you step in and stop it. But stepping in won't stop it from ever happening again. You can train anyone to be afraid of a punishment. That's not an accomplishment. But the goal of GBD is more than just teaching kids not to hit or not to talk back. It's teaching them how to be kind and respectful - which is a much greater goal. It takes more time and maturity, and sometimes you have to wait for the maturity to learn the bigger lesson vs. the immediate action. |
07-08-2009, 05:35 PM | #25 |
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Re: Discipline can "fix" a problem
i know i know. i just needed to vent.
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07-08-2009, 05:38 PM | #26 |
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Re: Discipline can "fix" a problem
Well, FWIW, I don't consider taking the bike away after being repeatedly told to stop punitive. Those are some pretty logical consequences, especially for a 7 yo.
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07-08-2009, 05:54 PM | #27 |
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Re: Discipline can "fix" a problem
Love this. I asked the same question yesterday, or today? (who needs some sleep? ) and this is just what I needed to hear!
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07-08-2009, 07:58 PM | #28 |
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Re: Discipline can "fix" a problem
I keep coming back to this thread and rereading it over the last few days. This is radically changing my parenting paradigm.
Still processing...
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07-08-2009, 08:09 PM | #29 | ||||
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Re: Discipline can "fix" a problem
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The Following User Says Thank You to ArmsOfLove For This Useful Post: | Vicki_T (08-05-2009) |
07-08-2009, 08:50 PM | #30 |
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Re: Discipline can "fix" a problem
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