Dobson book on boys?

purple_kangaroo · 06-11-2011, 12:08 PM

I heard someone recommend one of Dobson's books on boys to a friend (not sure if it was Bringing up Boys or another one) and was wondering what you all can tell me about his "boy books".

Also, any good alternatives to recommend? This sweet family has several high-needs, active, spirited little boys.

PK

greengirl19 · 06-11-2011, 12:56 PM

subbing because I have a copy someone gave me when Gabe was born that I haven't read but am wondering about.

LoveIsGentle · 06-11-2011, 01:09 PM

Eh...there was some good stuff, some ick. Bringing Up Boys was the book that first made me rethink following the typical Dobson style of parenting because I felt so uncomfortable about some of the things in it. Lots of stuff about how after the first year or so, boys HAVE to detatch from their mothers or they'll be forever unhealthy/emotionally stunted/gay. I think there was stuff about how many single moms raise gay children because there isn't a male in the home to teach them how men should act. And then of course, I think there was the typical "breaking their will" speeches throughout. I haven't read any Dobson books since ds1 was a baby, so I may be off on which book those things are in, but I think it was that one.

I don't have boy-specific recommendations, but I loved Playful Parenting and Raising Your Spirited Child.

Tasmanian Saint · 06-12-2011, 03:49 AM

Steve Biddulph has a boy book... Think it's called Raising Boys

cbmk4 · 06-12-2011, 04:30 AM

I usually shy away from gender specific books on parenting (and probably other topics, too!)

gentlemommy · 06-12-2011, 02:27 PM

I've heard good things about Raising Cain but I haven't read it myself. It sounds good from the description on amazon.

Cook · 06-12-2011, 03:51 PM

I read "Bringing Up Boys" when my dd was first born. It had been on my list for a while but with two boys keeping me busy, I didn't "have time" until dd was nursing frequently

Some how, sitting there with a baby girl cuddled up close and nurturing her in that way... I was disgusted to read that book. The ideas in it were insane. I think Dobson does make a good run at poking humor at the style of boys in general- I personally believe that boys and girls *are* different. However, the book is completely counterproductive imo to what boys really need. I have a high spirited 4 yo who, attached as he can be, can also run and tumble with the big boys like no one's business.

It was reading THAT book that made me start to question and unravel so much of what I'd "stood for" as a parent. Well that and my son's delays. The idea that a child not fitting the mold is an indication of their "will" is so distractive- and with 1 in 70 boys being diagnosed with autism now, it disgusting to think that what are ACTUAL RED FLAGS could be skewed by this man to seem like strongwilled personality markers. Furthermore, it often leads at risk children to further shut down and disengage. Very very sad

I am not sure, if they are strong into that mindset, that another book would "work" other than something that might be sorta mainstream about development. If they can change their expectations to be reasonable and move their focus on leading good behavior rather than dispelling "bad" things might start to open up for them. Parenting the Bringing up Boys way is also very robbing for the parents as well! I can't count how many times I've gotten to see my kids shine simply because my focus was on the relationship with them rather than the "rearing" that it used to be.

ArmsOfLove · 06-13-2011, 10:56 PM

I actually liked this book--not as in

but as in I didn't swear and throw it across the room

It was fine

. The biggest complaint I've heard is regarding the section speaking to single mothers about how to help their boys have good male figures. There is controversy over whether or not the things he addresses play a role in homosexuality but he makes the strong statement that they do--even still, I didn't find what he wrote as insulting as some have taken it. I, rather, read him saying as a single mother these are good and valuable things to make sure your son gets--and I agree with him on the things

I didn't find the typical Dobson punitive junk--it was really about relationship and acceptance and providing for boys to be boys.

Just re-read the OP and I would recommend another book (I've also heard good things about Raising Cain and I know there are a few other good boy books). If someone isn't already parenting with a gentle discipline approach I wouldn't think this would be a great book to suggest. If you are already rooted in gentle discipline I think it would be a neutral

verbatim · 06-14-2011, 11:50 AM

I wholeheartedly recommend Raising Cain. It focuses on how we as a society and as parents deprive our sons of space to express their emotions and also the language/ability to express them. It's written by psychologists who have both research and clinical backgrounds, so the info is scientifically sound and compelling. It's an easy read, too.

Ms_Dahl · 06-14-2011, 07:32 PM

I've heard good things about Raising Cain myself! Another really good one, that I enjoyed, was Raising a Son by Jeanne Elium (here is the amazon link).

jandjmommy · 06-14-2011, 10:37 PM

Another vote for Raising Cain

purple_kangaroo · 06-15-2011, 05:49 PM

Thanks, everyone! I'll have to see if our library has those books. I don't have any boys, but do have nephews and friends with boys.

Lily2584 · 06-16-2011, 01:41 AM

My favorite book for boys is: http://www.amazon.com/Preparing-Him-...8213424&sr=1-1

It is pretty much only about the mother/son relationship and even applauds single moms for raising great boys in spite of a lack of male influence. Quite often she says how moms are looked at as less important in the lives of their sons than a father, but the reality is they are as important, if not more, because they the first woman in their son's lives. She gives ideas of how to encourage your son to treat you with respect/compassion so that it will come naturally to treat his wife that way.

TBH I can't remember if there is any punitive stuff in there, but if there was it didn't stick out to me.

joyfuljourney · 06-20-2011, 07:07 PM

Raising Real Men by Melanie and Hal Young is good.

everydaygrace · 06-20-2011, 07:48 PM

I don't trust myself to completely know the difference between bad and good in regards to child-rearing books yet, since I'm so new to gbd. So I personally will stay away from it for a while. I might eventually pick it up, because I am interested in books specific to raising boys.

06-11-2011, 12:08 PM	#1
purple_kangaroo Rose Garden Join Date: Apr 2008 Location: Pacific Northwest Posts: 4,621	Dobson book on boys? I heard someone recommend one of Dobson's books on boys to a friend (not sure if it was Bringing up Boys or another one) and was wondering what you all can tell me about his "boy books". Also, any good alternatives to recommend? This sweet family has several high-needs, active, spirited little boys. PK __________________ Purple_Kangaroo Seeking truth and understanding. I have 4 precious children: A (born Feb 2001), M (June 2002), E (Aug 2005) and N (Dec 2013). AMEN!

06-11-2011, 12:56 PM	#2
greengirl19 Rose Trellis For G Join Date: Dec 2010 Location: close but not close enough to the beach Posts: 2,806	Re: Dobson book on boys? subbing because I have a copy someone gave me when Gabe was born that I haven't read but am wondering about. __________________ Wife to V since 5/19/07 my hard workin man Mom to G since 8/10/09 my crazy 10 yo Z since 9/10/13 my wild thing 6 yo Surprise! N born 2/8/16 terrific 4 yo my help comes from the Lord above

06-11-2011, 01:09 PM	#3
LoveIsGentle Rose Garden Join Date: Feb 2006 Posts: 10,768	Re: Dobson book on boys? Eh...there was some good stuff, some ick. Bringing Up Boys was the book that first made me rethink following the typical Dobson style of parenting because I felt so uncomfortable about some of the things in it. Lots of stuff about how after the first year or so, boys HAVE to detatch from their mothers or they'll be forever unhealthy/emotionally stunted/gay. I think there was stuff about how many single moms raise gay children because there isn't a male in the home to teach them how men should act. And then of course, I think there was the typical "breaking their will" speeches throughout. I haven't read any Dobson books since ds1 was a baby, so I may be off on which book those things are in, but I think it was that one. I don't have boy-specific recommendations, but I loved Playful Parenting and Raising Your Spirited Child.

06-12-2011, 03:49 AM	#4
Tasmanian Saint Rose Trellis Go Team Lioness! Join Date: Jan 2010 Location: This side of the black stump Posts: 2,428	Re: Dobson book on boys? Steve Biddulph has a boy book... Think it's called Raising Boys __________________ Our blossoms: DS "Little Bear" Apr '07 - The negotiator DD "Miss Muffett" Nov '08 "Don't tell Daddy..." DS "Mouse" Jan '12 "I Soup Baby, Man of steel! " Myth Busting over at Dare to Disciple "Believe in yourself. Trust your instincts. Unless your instincts are terrible." Vitruvius, The LEGO Movie.

06-12-2011, 04:30 AM	#5
cbmk4 Rose Garden INTJ Join Date: Feb 2010 Posts: 7,198	Re: Dobson book on boys? I usually shy away from gender specific books on parenting (and probably other topics, too!) __________________ Married to my sweetheart for 25 years Mama to my four dear children ages 22, 19, (forever 13) and 10

06-12-2011, 02:27 PM	#6
gentlemommy Deactivated Join Date: May 2006 Posts: 4,719	Re: Dobson book on boys? I've heard good things about Raising Cain but I haven't read it myself. It sounds good from the description on amazon.

06-12-2011, 03:51 PM	#7
Cook Rose Bush Join Date: Mar 2011 Location: Warner Robins GA Posts: 311	Re: Dobson book on boys? I read "Bringing Up Boys" when my dd was first born. It had been on my list for a while but with two boys keeping me busy, I didn't "have time" until dd was nursing frequently Some how, sitting there with a baby girl cuddled up close and nurturing her in that way... I was disgusted to read that book. The ideas in it were insane. I think Dobson does make a good run at poking humor at the style of boys in general- I personally believe that boys and girls are different. However, the book is completely counterproductive imo to what boys really need. I have a high spirited 4 yo who, attached as he can be, can also run and tumble with the big boys like no one's business. It was reading THAT book that made me start to question and unravel so much of what I'd "stood for" as a parent. Well that and my son's delays. The idea that a child not fitting the mold is an indication of their "will" is so distractive- and with 1 in 70 boys being diagnosed with autism now, it disgusting to think that what are ACTUAL RED FLAGS could be skewed by this man to seem like strongwilled personality markers. Furthermore, it often leads at risk children to further shut down and disengage. Very very sad I am not sure, if they are strong into that mindset, that another book would "work" other than something that might be sorta mainstream about development. If they can change their expectations to be reasonable and move their focus on leading good behavior rather than dispelling "bad" things might start to open up for them. Parenting the Bringing up Boys way is also very robbing for the parents as well! I can't count how many times I've gotten to see my kids shine simply because my focus was on the relationship with them rather than the "rearing" that it used to be. __________________ Annie ...like the orphan A career student at 'God Is Still Growing Me' Techincal College Jointly enrolled at 'Amen To That' University My husband is active duty Army. We had three kids in thirty one months. Fortunately I've kept them all alive and mostly healthy Even the stressful days are blessings and/or struggles that we've overcome! The next generation of perpetually in progress humans: Darrell(Dec2006) Jonas(April2008) Katie(July2009) Last edited by Cook; 06-13-2011 at 05:12 AM. Reason: my spelling mistake lol

06-13-2011, 10:56 PM	#8
ArmsOfLove Rose Garden Join Date: Mar 2005 Posts: 79,607	Re: Dobson book on boys? I actually liked this book--not as in but as in I didn't swear and throw it across the room It was fine . The biggest complaint I've heard is regarding the section speaking to single mothers about how to help their boys have good male figures. There is controversy over whether or not the things he addresses play a role in homosexuality but he makes the strong statement that they do--even still, I didn't find what he wrote as insulting as some have taken it. I, rather, read him saying as a single mother these are good and valuable things to make sure your son gets--and I agree with him on the things I didn't find the typical Dobson punitive junk--it was really about relationship and acceptance and providing for boys to be boys. Just re-read the OP and I would recommend another book (I've also heard good things about Raising Cain and I know there are a few other good boy books). If someone isn't already parenting with a gentle discipline approach I wouldn't think this would be a great book to suggest. If you are already rooted in gentle discipline I think it would be a neutral __________________ Crystal "When someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time." Maya Angelou Last edited by ArmsOfLove; 06-13-2011 at 10:59 PM.

06-14-2011, 11:50 AM	#9
verbatim Rosebud Join Date: Oct 2010 Posts: 53	Re: Dobson book on boys? I wholeheartedly recommend Raising Cain. It focuses on how we as a society and as parents deprive our sons of space to express their emotions and also the language/ability to express them. It's written by psychologists who have both research and clinical backgrounds, so the info is scientifically sound and compelling. It's an easy read, too. __________________ V, writer, INTJ, wife to K (12.14.02), mama to E (01.22.10)

06-14-2011, 07:32 PM	#10
Ms_Dahl Rose Trellis Join Date: Jun 2009 Posts: 2,026	Re: Dobson book on boys? I've heard good things about Raising Cain myself! Another really good one, that I enjoyed, was Raising a Son by Jeanne Elium (here is the amazon link).

06-14-2011, 10:37 PM	#11
jandjmommy Rose Bouquet Join Date: Jun 2007 Posts: 750	Re: Dobson book on boys? Another vote for Raising Cain

06-15-2011, 05:49 PM	#12
purple_kangaroo Rose Garden Join Date: Apr 2008 Location: Pacific Northwest Posts: 4,621	Re: Dobson book on boys? Thanks, everyone! I'll have to see if our library has those books. I don't have any boys, but do have nephews and friends with boys. __________________ Purple_Kangaroo Seeking truth and understanding. I have 4 precious children: A (born Feb 2001), M (June 2002), E (Aug 2005) and N (Dec 2013). AMEN!

06-16-2011, 01:41 AM	#13
Lily2584 Rose Garden Apparently I'm mama to a ladybug & a platypus ;-) Join Date: Jun 2007 Posts: 4,426	Re: Dobson book on boys? My favorite book for boys is: http://www.amazon.com/Preparing-Him-...8213424&sr=1-1 It is pretty much only about the mother/son relationship and even applauds single moms for raising great boys in spite of a lack of male influence. Quite often she says how moms are looked at as less important in the lives of their sons than a father, but the reality is they are as important, if not more, because they the first woman in their son's lives. She gives ideas of how to encourage your son to treat you with respect/compassion so that it will come naturally to treat his wife that way. TBH I can't remember if there is any punitive stuff in there, but if there was it didn't stick out to me. __________________ Krissy, ENFJ/P Married since August, 2001 Missing Lucas James 11/8/07 Mama to: Andrew, super genius preschooler with imminent plans to take over the world (11/8/08) Allison, my nursling and a riddle wrapped in a mystery inside an enigma (9/1/10) Proudly standing with all the strong women at GCM fighting for health Facebook me! Chronicles of a Right-Brained Mama

06-20-2011, 07:07 PM	#14
joyfuljourney Rose Blossom Join Date: Mar 2005 Posts: 215	Re: Dobson book on boys? Raising Real Men by Melanie and Hal Young is good. __________________ Jen Married to a great guy. Four blessings- natural living, co-sleeping, homeschooling, raw food to heal my body - in Australia.

06-20-2011, 07:48 PM	#15
everydaygrace Climbing Rose Join Date: Dec 2010 Location: SW Virginia Posts: 1,173	Re: Dobson book on boys? I don't trust myself to completely know the difference between bad and good in regards to child-rearing books yet, since I'm so new to gbd. So I personally will stay away from it for a while. I might eventually pick it up, because I am interested in books specific to raising boys. __________________ Wife to Jack of All Trades since 2007. Mama to WiggleWorm (DS, 6/2010) and Snugglebug (DD, 12/12).

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