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Unprepared for Parenting (Ezzos, Pearls, Etc.) *Public* Support and information for those affected by the Ezzos, the Pearls, and other punitive and adversarial methods of child-rearing. A public forum. Before posting here, please read this sticky and keep guideline 23 in mind:
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02-12-2009, 09:52 AM | #1 |
Rose Garden
I am so hopelessly in love..
Join Date: May 2006
Location: Chillin' in the California hills
Posts: 24,678
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Not showing any emotion on your face?
The church I go to is very much into Love & Logic(well, until the new parenting class came). Anyway, I listening to two moms talk last night & they were talking about how they have to remember to make their faces emotionless. So I asked why. Here is what I heard:
1. b/c you are supposed to be representing Jesus to your children. By remaining emotionless, you allow your words to have more impact. 2. B/c when kids look at you while you are talking to them, you want them to listen to your words. If you have a mad face and are saying "I Love you, you need to do such-and-such" then all that sinks in to them is a mad face. I wasn't sure what to say after that. How do I respond to that? I'm not sure I agree with it.. Opinions?? I don't think Jesus had a stone faced expression all the time while he was talking.... |
02-12-2009, 09:56 AM | #2 |
Deactivated
You know how we say, "It works both ways!"
Join Date: Jul 2006
Location: In the Neighborhood
Posts: 39,704
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Re: Not showing any emotion on your face?
That's really troubling. You should always be emotionally under control, but that doesn't mean emotionless.
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02-12-2009, 10:00 AM | #3 |
Rose Garden
Join Date: Aug 2008
Posts: 30,329
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Re: Not showing any emotion on your face?
That's weird. I have listened to one Love & Logic CD and I did not care for it at all.
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02-12-2009, 10:10 AM | #4 |
Deactivated
Even artichokes have hearts!
Join Date: Sep 2005
Posts: 33,230
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Re: Not showing any emotion on your face?
I think by not showing emotion on your face, you're doing your child a great disservice. You're the safest place your dc has to learn about handling big feelings, and if they can never guess what's going on under the surface, you're teaching them very little by example. Robot parents are scary enigmas.
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02-12-2009, 10:10 AM | #5 |
Rose Garden
Join Date: Oct 2005
Location: South Dakota.
Posts: 7,152
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Re: Not showing any emotion on your face?
I'm not sure what I would say to that. I went to a class on L&L. There were a few things I picked up from it, but some of it just didn't sit right with me. I don't remeber them teaching emotionless though. I do know that when you are putting a child in "time out" you are supposed to say it in a sing songy tone. "Uh Oh. Someone needs some bedroom time. Come out when your sweet."
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02-12-2009, 10:20 AM | #6 |
Rose Garden
I am so hopelessly in love..
Join Date: May 2006
Location: Chillin' in the California hills
Posts: 24,678
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Re: Not showing any emotion on your face?
They may not have gotten it at L&L, I was just assuming since most of them do follow L&L.
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02-12-2009, 11:08 AM | #7 | |
Rose Trellis
"What if Your blessings come through raindrops? What if Your healing comes through tears?"
Join Date: Jan 2008
Location: southwest VA
Posts: 2,649
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Re: Not showing any emotion on your face?
Quote:
I agree that actions speak louder than words, but that doesn't mean we erase our actions so that they hear our words--it means that we need to make sure our actions are reflecting what we wish to say. If we want them to know we love them, then our actions should reflect it--*that's* how they "hear" our words.
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Christina INTJ, T4 former high school teacher turned homeschool mom married 12 yrs to DH ENFP, T1 currently battling hemeralopia-induced blindness and chronic pain for the 3rd time mama to five: 10.5yo DS (my serious T4) 8yo DD (my sparkly T1) 3.5yo DD (my precious T2) one I will hold in heaven |
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02-12-2009, 01:35 PM | #8 |
Climbing Rose
Join Date: May 2006
Posts: 1,091
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Re: Not showing any emotion on your face?
I guess I always pictured Jesus as showing His emotions on His face. If I'm mad and I look mad I'll say to my kids "Mommy is feeling really mad right now but I still love you." I think having and emotionless face would just teach your children to stuff their emotions too.
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Stay-at-home Mom Wife to my best friend since 10/27/01 Mom to my precious little girl born 8/29/05 my adorable dear son born 9/14/07 our second girl, our little joy born at home 1/28/11 |
02-12-2009, 02:07 PM | #9 |
Rose Garden
I am so blessed!
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: somewhere between sane and crazy
Posts: 26,922
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Re: Not showing any emotion on your face?
That's a bunch of poo. Children NEED you (the general you) to show expressions and emotions, It is how they learn social cues. Up to a certain age, a child will for instance hear a very loud fire truck pass. They will look at the parents face to see what the parent is feeling. Does my mom look scared, normal, excited, etc. It's how young children learn. They cannot be good friends to other children if they do not learn this social cueing. They cannot process anger, excitment, hurt, etc, if they cannot physically see those emotions on an adults face. It's a great way to raise distance, socially ackward people.
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Sara Wife to Love of my life 8/98 Momma to my precious children: N 17 years, P 13 years, O 5 years! Remembering our babies: 12/98 9/99 12/09 1/17 |
02-12-2009, 02:14 PM | #10 |
Rose Garden
I am so hopelessly in love..
Join Date: May 2006
Location: Chillin' in the California hills
Posts: 24,678
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Re: Not showing any emotion on your face?
Apparently it isn't all the time, just when disciplining the child.
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02-12-2009, 02:27 PM | #11 | |
Rose Garden
I am so blessed!
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: somewhere between sane and crazy
Posts: 26,922
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Re: Not showing any emotion on your face?
Quote:
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Sara Wife to Love of my life 8/98 Momma to my precious children: N 17 years, P 13 years, O 5 years! Remembering our babies: 12/98 9/99 12/09 1/17 |
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02-12-2009, 02:28 PM | #12 |
Rose Bouquet
"My lips will praise You!"
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: Pacific Northwest (otherwise known as Middle Earth)
Posts: 567
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Re: Not showing any emotion on your face?
uhhh yeah L&L doesnt teach emotionless faces at all. weird. i know it does a great deal of actually saying that we need to emulate and give real empathy and cmpassion ad not be sarcastic or ungenuine about it. it is really positive. again....not the cure-all but in my extensive reading of L&L books it does a great deal of teaching the importance of compassion, empathy, and positive, non-punitive parenting.
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Quirky hobbitwife to her bearded love since 2006 Mummy to 4 hobbitses and one little one born to heaven 9/23/10 |
02-12-2009, 02:29 PM | #13 | |
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Re: Not showing any emotion on your face?
Quote:
I try to be calm when my children do something wrong but that is a far cry from being emotionless. This just sounds weird. My second thought is that children reared in such an enviroment will have some serious issues about their own emotions. |
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02-12-2009, 02:31 PM | #14 | |
Deactivated
You know how we say, "It works both ways!"
Join Date: Jul 2006
Location: In the Neighborhood
Posts: 39,704
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Re: Not showing any emotion on your face?
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02-12-2009, 02:32 PM | #15 | ||
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Re: Not showing any emotion on your face?
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