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Unprepared for Parenting (Ezzos, Pearls, Etc.) *Public* Support and information for those affected by the Ezzos, the Pearls, and other punitive and adversarial methods of child-rearing. A public forum. Before posting here, please read this sticky and keep guideline 23 in mind:
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06-23-2012, 09:19 AM | #1 |
Rose Bush
Join Date: Mar 2011
Posts: 493
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Guess What I Got in the Mail Today?
An unsolicited copy of No Greater Joy's bimonthly mag! Wasn't that nice of them?
I have a pretty good crap-dar so I read it out of curiosity. Most of it was pretty mild (other than the fact that I know what they mean every time they use the word "training"). But one thing really made me . Their son Nathan wrote how he makes his son eat green beans. "Even if he says he doesn't like them, even if it makes him cry, I compel him to eat them because I know he will be healthier and learn self-discipline if he has a history of eating green beans." That's bad enough but his conclusion is so laughable it's sad: "When he is a teenager and someone offers him drugs, it will be his habit to make choices based on a body of knowledge and a history of previous choices...he will not be easily led astray because he knows and cherishes a better way..." So forcing your kid to eat green beans (in essence removing their choices) helps them make better choices later on? What if the pressure to do something wrong comes from someone else the child looks up to or a perceived authority figure? Seems to me it sets them up for failure... I'm glad I can see this stuff for what it really is...
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Elyse ISTJ - DYT 4/1 Wife to my highschool sweetheart Mommy to: V-age 6 M -age 3.5
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06-23-2012, 09:28 AM | #2 |
Rose Garden
Join Date: Mar 2005
Posts: 79,607
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Re: Guess What I Got in the Mail Today?
isn't it amazing how backwards the logic is? I have wondered if that is because this approach to parenting shuts down the brain before the age at which logic kicks in and instead focuses on filling the brain during the years before logic with things "memorized".
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06-23-2012, 09:39 AM | #3 |
Deactivated
Join Date: Oct 2009
Location: Oklahoma
Posts: 4,560
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Re: Guess What I Got in the Mail Today?
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06-23-2012, 09:40 AM | #4 |
Deactivated
Beware the gorgon, she's having a bad hair day
Join Date: Nov 2005
Location: DFW area
Posts: 54,024
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Re: Guess What I Got in the Mail Today?
That's so funny. I needed the laugh. Thanks!
Oh, wait. He was serious. It's hard to understand how people believe that, but I know they do. It makes *opposite* sense-- see I'm forcing him against his will now, so he will be more susciptable to being pressured later b/c I've removed his sense of self. |
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06-23-2012, 09:45 AM | #5 | |
Rose Trellis
Join Date: Feb 2007
Posts: 3,155
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Re: Guess What I Got in the Mail Today?
Quote:
Honestly, it sounds like Nathan has had all his common sense & reason trained out of him by....Oh, yeah. His parents.
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06-23-2012, 10:12 AM | #6 |
Rose Trellis
Join Date: Nov 2005
Location: On an Aircraft carrier
Posts: 1,835
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Re: Guess What I Got in the Mail Today?
Eeps, not I'm nervous because I request my kids do a 'try me' bite when I fix something new. If they take 2 bites and STILL 100% hate it then fine, but I do request they at least try it, not just dismiss it because it has something green or red in it...I will say, in most things (not all, but many) once they try it they like it. There are a couple meals that one of the other have tried and still hate. I'm okay with that (and I may still fix it if other people in the family like it, I'll make the one that doesn't like it pb&j or something)...so long as they've tried it.
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06-23-2012, 10:16 AM | #7 |
Deactivated
Join Date: Jun 2005
Posts: 4,751
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Re: Guess What I Got in the Mail Today?
How awesome. Perhaps No Greater Joy should consider a new article title: How to Train Compliant Lemmings.
Glad you didn't get sucked in, mama. |
06-23-2012, 10:15 AM | #8 | |
Deactivated
I am no man!
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: KS
Posts: 26,727
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Re: Guess What I Got in the Mail Today?
Quote:
My favorite is the old I want them to be used to submitting to me so submitting to God is easier for them. I totally get the desire behind that. I do. It gets a lot lost in applying it practically. You can't force someone to submit. It's a voluntary action. If you make them do it, they're not submitting--they're being compelled. And what happens when you're forced to do something for ages and suddenly that force stops? |
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06-23-2012, 06:08 PM | #9 | |
Rose Blossom
Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: sunshine state
Posts: 227
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Re: Guess What I Got in the Mail Today?
wow! is this really true? ok...this is in response to something I need to quote. hang on...still learning here.
---------- Post added at 09:08 PM ---------- Previous post was at 09:06 PM ---------- Quote:
Last edited by iwillhope; 06-23-2012 at 06:07 PM. Reason: b/c I thought I was replying to a specific post above. |
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06-23-2012, 06:14 PM | #10 |
Rose Garden
I am so hopelessly in love..
Join Date: May 2006
Location: Chillin' in the California hills
Posts: 24,678
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We watched a segment on AFV the other night where a little girl was forced to eat green beans. She screamed and cried the whole time. One of the commentators called her a horrible child. . I was able to talk to cias about how horrible that wad, and how when it happened to me, i didn't eat green beans until i was an adult. I was so mad they showed it on there. Sadly it's on dvd, so we watch it often.
I would burn the magazine and send the Pearls the ashes. But they'd probably enjoy that. Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk |
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06-23-2012, 06:26 PM | #11 |
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Hi ! I'm Myrtle. I like to pretend I'm an R.O.U.S.
Join Date: May 2005
Location: under the cat
Posts: 17,112
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Re: Guess What I Got in the Mail Today?
I , sadly , bought into the whole "you'll eat this and if you don't , you're disobeying me and I'll make you so you'll learn to listen and obey me" garbage.
My husband , upon viewing me forcing our son to eat green beans for the first time (I'd forced before , but dh wasn't home) , well , my hubby blew a gasket "Way to make him not only hate food , but hate you too in the process. No kid of mine will be forced to eat anything they don't want to. He tasted it , didn't like it , end of story. *to ds* you can get down little buddy , this won't happen again." It stuck in my mind because I so desperately wanted to be the "good christian mom" and it was a rare time when dh spoke up and said , "Good christian mothers don't torture their children like that. " Made me cry , but also made me WAKE UP. Glad you didn't get sucked in Mama...Glad you listened to your gut. (ftr: My son will be 20yrs old and I can't get him to taste any food. I ask , but he doesn't trust me , not even this many years later. My other two kids don't have these serious food issues. One will eat anything /try anything , and the other has food allergies ..her choices are limited...but she LOVES to cook/bake/experiment. It's just the one child...the one subjected to that twisted logic....that doesn't like new foods...doesn't trust others when they say 'it's good , have a bite." It's sad really. And my fault.) |
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06-23-2012, 07:48 PM | #12 |
Banned
"When life gives you lemons, cut them in half and squirt life in the eye!" - Unknown
Join Date: May 2012
Location: New York City, NY
Posts: 1,868
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Re: Guess What I Got in the Mail Today?
Nathan Pearl is so cute, yet so brainless. How on Earth does eating green beans even begin to equate with not doing drugs?
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06-23-2012, 08:39 PM | #13 |
Administrator
"air-mannah Leen-dah" it means Sister Linda in Spanish
Join Date: Mar 2005
Posts: 51,857
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Re: Guess What I Got in the Mail Today?
I believe the logic is that the child learns to obey whatever the parents say and to eat healthy food and take care of their body, which is the the Temple of the Holy Spirit. By the time they are teenagers, they are so conditioned to obeying and taking care of their body that they would never dare to contaminate it.
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06-23-2012, 08:50 PM | #14 |
Rose Garden
Immerse your soul in love.
Join Date: Mar 2009
Location: Victoria, BC
Posts: 17,611
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Re: Guess What I Got in the Mail Today?
It's such backward logic too.
I was forced to eat everything on my plate. I ended up with huge eating issues, anorexia, bulimia, and more. While I stayed away from drugs, I sure didn't turn dwn the opportunity to drink, and spent most of my lates teens to the age of 28 drunk, every sinle weekend... So yeah, forcing me to submit, to eat that shepards pie, well, it sure worked for my prents,
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06-23-2012, 06:28 PM | #15 |
Rose Garden
Join Date: Mar 2005
Posts: 79,607
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Re: Guess What I Got in the Mail Today?
I'm honestly just speculating . . . but I know that Stockholm Syndrome causes people to love and rely on the people who are holding them captive. And torture results in strange connections. I honestly equate the parenting that Pearl advocates to extreme torture--the people you are looking to for your very survival are hitting you if you roll this way or say that, they are calling you names, denying you food, forcing you to eat food, demanding you do this, setting you up to fail at that . . . at some point it becomes unsafe to make any thought/choice of your own. It becomes a matter of survival to learn how to think exactly the way your captor wants you to think. And when this is done BEFORE the child has the ability to think for themselves, I do believe it would be able to prevent them thinking for themselves, though I would hope that other than extreme situations the child could eventually develop those skills if given the opportunity! But that would require healing, therapy, and desiring to live a different life than the people who controlled your youth would allow. I've seen that happen, but it takes an incredible amount of determination and willpower and I think it is more likely with certain personalities than others.
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