So the ?'s start! lol HELP

Micah · 04-23-2005, 08:41 AM

Ok I started reading the book 'How to Talk So Kids will Listen, and Listen so Kids will Talk'
I love it!

I cannot put it down......

My question is for those moms who have 2 or more children that are over age 3....

How are you applying the the 4 'steps' when you have 2 kids both ranting and raving about each other and what the other has done when they are not getting along?

I understand the other, when a child is upset at someone not present (ie: susie at school) or something (ie My block tower keeps tipping over

) etc....

Show me played out if you can when say
Logan (boy 8) and Mitchal (boy 3) cannot get along as a general rule and suddenly both are yelling and screaming at each other over a coloring book.
It's Logan's book, Mitchal colored on a page Logan had done and 'messed it up' etc...
I feel the 8 yr old is easier to deal with in the 4 steps but the 3.11 year old is harder to deal with when they are both going at it etc...

Who do you listen to first as they are both yelling 'mom!! Logan did this' and 'mom! Mitchal ruined my page' HELP??!!

MarynMunchkins · 04-23-2005, 11:08 AM

My oldest are 4 and 5.

Things like that happen frequently.

I usually assess the situation, and make a guess about who did what. Than I tell them that I can't understand them when they are screaming at me, and I will listen when they use inside voices. Whoever is quiet first gets to tell me their side of the story first. What happens next depends on the situation.

For the coloring books, I usually ask if I need to seperate them or put up the crayons. They usually say "no" and agree to color nicely beside each other. The offending party has to do something to make up for ruining the other's picture - offer a crayon they're using to the other, or a page out of their own book. That might work better between two boys, since Ana rarely likes to color Spiderman and Doug's not big into Barbie.

If one gets hurt, I deal with the injured party first and make the other one sit beside me and wait. (If I can't get them to sit, I just hunt them down after the other one stops crying. :P) I make the one who hurt them either offer an apology and do something kind to make up for hurting or I send them to the Comfort Corner to chill out until they are ready to apologize.

hth.

Micah · 04-23-2005, 11:29 AM

Quote:

Ana rarely likes to color Spiderman and Doug's not big into Barbie.

LOL!!!

Quote:

I make the one who hurt them either offer an apology and do something kind to make up for hurting or I send them to the Comfort Corner to chill out until they are ready to apologize

Ok, now remember I'm trying to learn and get confused easily

Is giving a child a choice between apologizing and going to chill out punitive? I'm trying to seperate in my own mind various things I've read ok...not criticizing you at all! But should a child be made to tell someone they are sorry if they are in fact not sorry? And if they are not sorry then the only other choice they have is the comfort corner .... what if they wanted to do neither?

MarynMunchkins · 04-23-2005, 01:09 PM

I don't make them say I'm sorry - they do it in their own time when they're ready. But they aren't allowed to play with their sibling if they can't be kind - and part of that is apologizing when we hurt someone. Our comfort corner is pretty much in the open, so they aren't really isolated from the rest of the family, but they need to sit and chill until they can be kind.

I use the Comfort Corner, in this case, as a place to deal with their own hurt feelings and anger, and than realize that they miss playing with their sibling. It usually doesn't take more than 5 minutes for either of them unless they fall asleep.

I will also sit with them and help them calm down if they need it.

Micah · 04-23-2005, 03:53 PM

Thanks for clarifying Mary!

04-23-2005, 08:41 AM	#1
Micah Banned Join Date: Apr 2005 Posts: 184	So the ?'s start! lol HELP Ok I started reading the book 'How to Talk So Kids will Listen, and Listen so Kids will Talk' I love it! I cannot put it down...... My question is for those moms who have 2 or more children that are over age 3.... How are you applying the the 4 'steps' when you have 2 kids both ranting and raving about each other and what the other has done when they are not getting along? I understand the other, when a child is upset at someone not present (ie: susie at school) or something (ie My block tower keeps tipping over ) etc.... Show me played out if you can when say Logan (boy 8) and Mitchal (boy 3) cannot get along as a general rule and suddenly both are yelling and screaming at each other over a coloring book. It's Logan's book, Mitchal colored on a page Logan had done and 'messed it up' etc... I feel the 8 yr old is easier to deal with in the 4 steps but the 3.11 year old is harder to deal with when they are both going at it etc... Who do you listen to first as they are both yelling 'mom!! Logan did this' and 'mom! Mitchal ruined my page' HELP??!!

04-23-2005, 11:08 AM	#2
MarynMunchkins Deactivated Join Date: Mar 2005 Posts: 38,127	Re: So the ?'s start! lol HELP My oldest are 4 and 5. Things like that happen frequently. I usually assess the situation, and make a guess about who did what. Than I tell them that I can't understand them when they are screaming at me, and I will listen when they use inside voices. Whoever is quiet first gets to tell me their side of the story first. What happens next depends on the situation. For the coloring books, I usually ask if I need to seperate them or put up the crayons. They usually say "no" and agree to color nicely beside each other. The offending party has to do something to make up for ruining the other's picture - offer a crayon they're using to the other, or a page out of their own book. That might work better between two boys, since Ana rarely likes to color Spiderman and Doug's not big into Barbie. If one gets hurt, I deal with the injured party first and make the other one sit beside me and wait. (If I can't get them to sit, I just hunt them down after the other one stops crying. :P) I make the one who hurt them either offer an apology and do something kind to make up for hurting or I send them to the Comfort Corner to chill out until they are ready to apologize. hth.

04-23-2005, 01:09 PM	#4
MarynMunchkins Deactivated Join Date: Mar 2005 Posts: 38,127	Re: So the ?'s start! lol HELP I don't make them say I'm sorry - they do it in their own time when they're ready. But they aren't allowed to play with their sibling if they can't be kind - and part of that is apologizing when we hurt someone. Our comfort corner is pretty much in the open, so they aren't really isolated from the rest of the family, but they need to sit and chill until they can be kind. I use the Comfort Corner, in this case, as a place to deal with their own hurt feelings and anger, and than realize that they miss playing with their sibling. It usually doesn't take more than 5 minutes for either of them unless they fall asleep. I will also sit with them and help them calm down if they need it.

04-23-2005, 03:53 PM	#5
Micah Banned Join Date: Apr 2005 Posts: 184	Re: So the ?'s start! lol HELP Thanks for clarifying Mary!

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