When do you let dad sleep next to baby?

KSL · 05-20-2016, 01:14 PM

Hi mamas... I have a 12 week old DD. I've been cosleeping with her since birth (we're EBF, sleep on a queen size extra firm mattress and honest foam bed bumpers underneath the sheets on each side of the bed). I feel extremely comfortable with our co-sleeping set up now and it's working wonderfully (we're both sleeping well- she often even sleeps for a 5 hour stretch some nights and nurses right back to sleep in the side-lying position whenever she does wake up).

Here's the question- my husband would like us both, perhaps on the weekends, to come back and sleep in the King size bed in the master bedroom with him. The mattress on that bed is very firm as well and we don't use comforters or heavy blankets and I can tuck what we do use in so it only comes up waist level. And I have a long foam bumper I can put on my side of the bed (it's a special co-sleeping bumper I used when we cosleept with DS). But for part of the night DD would be between DH and I (when I nursed her on the side facing him).

At what age were you comfortable having your DH sleep next to your little one? I didn't start cosleeping with DS in the bed with DH until he was closer to 5 or 6 months I think. DH is not a heavy sleeper, a thrasher/mover in his sleep, and he's definitely not overweight (he might technically be under-weight, ha!) I also don't let DH fall asleep next to her on the queen bed in her room when he's soothing her to sleep- well I mean he does but then I wake him up to move to the other bed or I move her. He thinks I'm being really neurotic now and that it would be fine for him to sleep next to her in either bed.

So, when were you ladies comfortable having your DH cosleep next to your tiny ones?

Soliloquy · 05-20-2016, 01:18 PM

The three of us have always slept in the same bed right from day 1. When they're teeny tiny, I'm in the middle, baby is between me and the bed rail. Now that she's almost 4 months old, sometimes baby is in the middle but I still prefer the middle.

KSL · 05-20-2016, 01:26 PM

Lisa thank you-- quick question. Are you able to nurse from either breast with your DD on the outside? I am almost at that point (when my babies are tiny it's a little hard for me to do that bc my boobs are rather large and it sort of smashes their face, if that makes sense). I usually fall asleep while nursing so don't want to rely on me having to wake up to move her to the outside once she's done nursing)

ValiantJoy07 · 05-20-2016, 01:30 PM

Ds is 8months and a snuggle bug he mostly sleeps on my side (I'm in the middle) but some times, especially recently, if I'm needing space from his "must be pressed firmly against some one." I will push him over to dh and let them snuggle. They are both really hard sleepers but ds is big and kicks hard, and dh has a good daddy/spidey sense with out babies so I feel fine with it. I know the No Cry Sleep Solution/Dr. Sears recommend waiting to closer to a tear before baby sleeps by any one that isn't Mommy, but obviously you know your dh and baby best and go with your gut.

SalH · 05-20-2016, 04:50 PM

Our Babies sleep between us from birth.

Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk

2sunshines · 05-20-2016, 05:04 PM

Our babies have always slept in our bed with both of us since birth.

Soliloquy · 05-20-2016, 05:06 PM

Yes I can but I usually don't fall asleep. She nurses very quickly during the night

and falls right back asleep. With previous babies I would move them to the middle to nurse the other side.

SalH · 05-20-2016, 05:09 PM

We separate our pillows and use them 'vertically' and make a big space between us. We Sleep lower down the mattress (I like covers pulled up right to my chin) so that there's no risk to the baby from our covers.

Once we tried a bed guard but there's no way of stopping the gap that the baby could slip into, and actually our babies are safer between us than on the edge. My dh is a very intuitive sleeper and at times he's had to wake me up if a child or baby needs me.

Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk

marbles · 05-20-2016, 06:07 PM

I do pretty early on. My husband doesn't move in his sleep, he sleeps lower in the bed than we do (so his head is level with the baby), and he is very aware of the kids. If he is really tired I will sleep in the middle, if he is exhausted or been drinking he sleeps in another bed.

Earthmummy07 · 05-21-2016, 01:48 AM

I did it from pretty early on for nursing purposes. Dh is a heavy sleeper and occasionally pulled the covers up over DS in his sleep so I kept a spare blanket handy so if I needed to nurse him in the middle I could kick the duvet off over DH and share the blanket with DS. Slept with my arm bent around DS with my elbow stuck out and my knee at a right angle. So if DH rolled towards us he would hit my knee and elbow first.

Tasmanian Saint · 05-21-2016, 03:28 AM

When ds1 was born, we had a "sleep positioner" designed to keep baby on their back so I felt comfortable with him between us because we would roll on the hard edges of the positioner before the baby. He stopped being able to asleep in there after a while, and I tried not have him between us... Then one day, he was about four months I guess, I was lying half awake and saw dh start to roll onto ds. I wasn't to worried because ds was old enough to yell anyway and ... I was half asleep

He touched ds as lightly as a butterfly and moved himself over in his sleep

ds didn't even stir. So I never worried about dh sleeping next to any of our babies after that

I know the official word from people who have observed sleeping families is that fathers aren't safe like mothers are, but that was my experience

Either way, I think when a baby is big enough to cry loudly and wriggle and push against a person, they should be safe, yk?

Sent from my GT-S5310B using Tapatalk

WanderingJuniper · 05-21-2016, 05:04 AM

From birth. I could not sleep when my babes were tiny without my husband by my side. It made me feel strangely alone in the nighttime parenting to have him or I somewhere else with any regularity.

Aerynne · 05-21-2016, 07:04 AM

Also from birth here, all four of them. We have a firm mattress. Dh and I have a division of labor in the night- I take care of the nursing and he takes care of the diaper/potty needs.

KSL · 05-22-2016, 06:10 AM

Thanks so much everyone. Really helpful to hear what others have done. I had to sleep in the same bed with DD and DH this weekend due to lots of out of town guests. And it worked really well- I kept her on my side (between me and the bumper at the edge of the bed) so she wasn't ever next to DH. And then I was able to snuggle with him a little (yay!) and in the mornings when we all woke up it was sweet to be able to put her in between us and kiss and play with her together. I was able to nurse her from both breats and not have to move her to the middle, which was perfect. I kind of forgot that I could do that!! I am still not ready to have DH right next to her when he sleeps- even though it would probably be fine, I would be worried about it and wouldn't be able to sleep. So all being in bed and her just next to me will work for now.

2sunshines · 05-22-2016, 03:56 PM

Glad you found a solution that works for your family

05-20-2016, 01:14 PM	#1
KSL Rose Bouquet Join Date: Mar 2010 Posts: 880	When do you let dad sleep next to baby? Hi mamas... I have a 12 week old DD. I've been cosleeping with her since birth (we're EBF, sleep on a queen size extra firm mattress and honest foam bed bumpers underneath the sheets on each side of the bed). I feel extremely comfortable with our co-sleeping set up now and it's working wonderfully (we're both sleeping well- she often even sleeps for a 5 hour stretch some nights and nurses right back to sleep in the side-lying position whenever she does wake up). Here's the question- my husband would like us both, perhaps on the weekends, to come back and sleep in the King size bed in the master bedroom with him. The mattress on that bed is very firm as well and we don't use comforters or heavy blankets and I can tuck what we do use in so it only comes up waist level. And I have a long foam bumper I can put on my side of the bed (it's a special co-sleeping bumper I used when we cosleept with DS). But for part of the night DD would be between DH and I (when I nursed her on the side facing him). At what age were you comfortable having your DH sleep next to your little one? I didn't start cosleeping with DS in the bed with DH until he was closer to 5 or 6 months I think. DH is not a heavy sleeper, a thrasher/mover in his sleep, and he's definitely not overweight (he might technically be under-weight, ha!) I also don't let DH fall asleep next to her on the queen bed in her room when he's soothing her to sleep- well I mean he does but then I wake him up to move to the other bed or I move her. He thinks I'm being really neurotic now and that it would be fine for him to sleep next to her in either bed. So, when were you ladies comfortable having your DH cosleep next to your tiny ones? __________________ Kate Married to the Haitian Sensation since 2007 Mom to S, DS since October 2009 and E, DD born February 22nd, 2016

05-20-2016, 01:18 PM	#2
Soliloquy Rose Garden Why climb a mountain? Because it's there! Join Date: Mar 2005 Location: Selkirk Mountains Posts: 52,860	Re: When do you let dad sleep next to baby? The three of us have always slept in the same bed right from day 1. When they're teeny tiny, I'm in the middle, baby is between me and the bed rail. Now that she's almost 4 months old, sometimes baby is in the middle but I still prefer the middle.

05-20-2016, 01:26 PM	#3
KSL Rose Bouquet Join Date: Mar 2010 Posts: 880	Re: When do you let dad sleep next to baby? Lisa thank you-- quick question. Are you able to nurse from either breast with your DD on the outside? I am almost at that point (when my babies are tiny it's a little hard for me to do that bc my boobs are rather large and it sort of smashes their face, if that makes sense). I usually fall asleep while nursing so don't want to rely on me having to wake up to move her to the outside once she's done nursing) __________________ Kate Married to the Haitian Sensation since 2007 Mom to S, DS since October 2009 and E, DD born February 22nd, 2016

05-20-2016, 01:30 PM	#4
ValiantJoy07 Rose Garden "Take Joy Home, And make a place in thy great heart for her...Joy is the grace we say to God." ~Jean Ingelow~ Join Date: Sep 2008 Location: The Forest Posts: 16,337	Re: When do you let dad sleep next to baby? Ds is 8months and a snuggle bug he mostly sleeps on my side (I'm in the middle) but some times, especially recently, if I'm needing space from his "must be pressed firmly against some one." I will push him over to dh and let them snuggle. They are both really hard sleepers but ds is big and kicks hard, and dh has a good daddy/spidey sense with out babies so I feel fine with it. I know the No Cry Sleep Solution/Dr. Sears recommend waiting to closer to a tear before baby sleeps by any one that isn't Mommy, but obviously you know your dh and baby best and go with your gut. __________________ Hannah Joy Intuitive People Loving Introvert Married since '05 to Ryan software and web applications developer. Homeschooling Mama to my 5 Joys... dd1 RJ (12/07), dd2 AJ (08/09), dd3 PJ (01/12), ds1 Ziggy (09/15), ds2 Sunny (05/18) Enjoying a Healing Diet to manage SPD and other health challenges. Sorry for the typos and sloppy grammar I don't have a good excuse anymore.

05-20-2016, 04:50 PM	#5
SalH Rose Trellis Join Date: Mar 2010 Location: Adelaide, South Australia Posts: 1,590	Re: When do you let dad sleep next to baby? Our Babies sleep between us from birth. Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk __________________ Sal (41) wife to Matthew (41) Home educating mummy to: DS1 (13), DS2 (11) DS3 (9), DD1 (7), DD2 (5) and DD3 (3).

05-20-2016, 05:04 PM	#6
2sunshines Moderator in Celebrations, Cloth Diapering & EC, Empty Arms, Prayer & Praise, and Swap n' Shop Join Date: Mar 2005 Posts: 27,029	Re: When do you let dad sleep next to baby? Our babies have always slept in our bed with both of us since birth. __________________ married 25 years mom to two young adults (23 and 20) and two teens (17 and 15)

05-20-2016, 05:06 PM	#7
Soliloquy Rose Garden Why climb a mountain? Because it's there! Join Date: Mar 2005 Location: Selkirk Mountains Posts: 52,860	Re: When do you let dad sleep next to baby? Yes I can but I usually don't fall asleep. She nurses very quickly during the night and falls right back asleep. With previous babies I would move them to the middle to nurse the other side.

05-20-2016, 05:09 PM	#8
SalH Rose Trellis Join Date: Mar 2010 Location: Adelaide, South Australia Posts: 1,590	Re: When do you let dad sleep next to baby? We separate our pillows and use them 'vertically' and make a big space between us. We Sleep lower down the mattress (I like covers pulled up right to my chin) so that there's no risk to the baby from our covers. Once we tried a bed guard but there's no way of stopping the gap that the baby could slip into, and actually our babies are safer between us than on the edge. My dh is a very intuitive sleeper and at times he's had to wake me up if a child or baby needs me. Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk __________________ Sal (41) wife to Matthew (41) Home educating mummy to: DS1 (13), DS2 (11) DS3 (9), DD1 (7), DD2 (5) and DD3 (3).

05-20-2016, 06:07 PM	#9
marbles Rose Garden Our Family Join Date: Oct 2010 Location: South Carolina Posts: 5,047	Re: When do you let dad sleep next to baby? I do pretty early on. My husband doesn't move in his sleep, he sleeps lower in the bed than we do (so his head is level with the baby), and he is very aware of the kids. If he is really tired I will sleep in the middle, if he is exhausted or been drinking he sleeps in another bed. __________________ Mary K wife to Daniel for 16 years mom to 13 year old the Girl and 11 year old the Boy and 8 year old Tiny Almost always posting from my phone.

05-21-2016, 01:48 AM	#10
Earthmummy07 Rose Garden Join Date: Aug 2008 Location: UK Posts: 8,586	Re: When do you let dad sleep next to baby? I did it from pretty early on for nursing purposes. Dh is a heavy sleeper and occasionally pulled the covers up over DS in his sleep so I kept a spare blanket handy so if I needed to nurse him in the middle I could kick the duvet off over DH and share the blanket with DS. Slept with my arm bent around DS with my elbow stuck out and my knee at a right angle. So if DH rolled towards us he would hit my knee and elbow first.

05-21-2016, 03:28 AM	#11
Tasmanian Saint Rose Trellis Go Team Lioness! Join Date: Jan 2010 Location: This side of the black stump Posts: 2,428	Re: When do you let dad sleep next to baby? When ds1 was born, we had a "sleep positioner" designed to keep baby on their back so I felt comfortable with him between us because we would roll on the hard edges of the positioner before the baby. He stopped being able to asleep in there after a while, and I tried not have him between us... Then one day, he was about four months I guess, I was lying half awake and saw dh start to roll onto ds. I wasn't to worried because ds was old enough to yell anyway and ... I was half asleep He touched ds as lightly as a butterfly and moved himself over in his sleep ds didn't even stir. So I never worried about dh sleeping next to any of our babies after that I know the official word from people who have observed sleeping families is that fathers aren't safe like mothers are, but that was my experience Either way, I think when a baby is big enough to cry loudly and wriggle and push against a person, they should be safe, yk? Sent from my GT-S5310B using Tapatalk __________________ Our blossoms: DS "Little Bear" Apr '07 - The negotiator DD "Miss Muffett" Nov '08 "Don't tell Daddy..." DS "Mouse" Jan '12 "I Soup Baby, Man of steel! " Myth Busting over at Dare to Disciple "Believe in yourself. Trust your instincts. Unless your instincts are terrible." Vitruvius, The LEGO Movie.

05-21-2016, 05:04 AM	#12
WanderingJuniper Rose Garden Join Date: Mar 2007 Posts: 10,819	Re: When do you let dad sleep next to baby? From birth. I could not sleep when my babes were tiny without my husband by my side. It made me feel strangely alone in the nighttime parenting to have him or I somewhere else with any regularity.

05-21-2016, 07:04 AM	#13
Aerynne Rose Garden Join Date: Jun 2005 Posts: 27,359	Re: When do you let dad sleep next to baby? Also from birth here, all four of them. We have a firm mattress. Dh and I have a division of labor in the night- I take care of the nursing and he takes care of the diaper/potty needs. __________________ Erin born of water and of the Spirit 4/96 married 5/02 Mama to: 2004 2007 2010 2012 2017 2019 Jan 2, 2024 And many I hope to hold in heaven one day

05-22-2016, 06:10 AM	#14
KSL Rose Bouquet Join Date: Mar 2010 Posts: 880	Re: When do you let dad sleep next to baby? Thanks so much everyone. Really helpful to hear what others have done. I had to sleep in the same bed with DD and DH this weekend due to lots of out of town guests. And it worked really well- I kept her on my side (between me and the bumper at the edge of the bed) so she wasn't ever next to DH. And then I was able to snuggle with him a little (yay!) and in the mornings when we all woke up it was sweet to be able to put her in between us and kiss and play with her together. I was able to nurse her from both breats and not have to move her to the middle, which was perfect. I kind of forgot that I could do that!! I am still not ready to have DH right next to her when he sleeps- even though it would probably be fine, I would be worried about it and wouldn't be able to sleep. So all being in bed and her just next to me will work for now. __________________ Kate Married to the Haitian Sensation since 2007 Mom to S, DS since October 2009 and E, DD born February 22nd, 2016

05-22-2016, 03:56 PM	#15
2sunshines Moderator in Celebrations, Cloth Diapering & EC, Empty Arms, Prayer & Praise, and Swap n' Shop Join Date: Mar 2005 Posts: 27,029	Re: When do you let dad sleep next to baby? Glad you found a solution that works for your family __________________ married 25 years mom to two young adults (23 and 20) and two teens (17 and 15)

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